Broken and Bleeding
by ScintillatingTart
Summary: There's a moment when enough is enough. You can't stay silent and let the tides take you any longer. (AU, Garcia/Lynch, Morgan/Garcia)
1. Chapter 1

I don't own anything related to Criminal Minds. Thank god.

This is totally AU and unrelated to my "Life Sucks" universe. Do not ask me what drugs my muse is on, because I don't want them. Rated M for the inevitable things like, you know, blood, guts, gore, and lovemaking. Thank you and good night.

Broken and Bleeding

By Scintillating Tart

* * *

Penelope Garcia straightened her daughter's dress and said, "Now, little one, you have to promise to be good for me today. I know it's a new day care and you're nervous, but you've got to be good." She sat back on her heels and smiled at her little girl. Eva looked a little like her father, but not much. She mostly looked like Penelope – all big brown eyes and chubby cheeks. Her dark hair was up in pigtails and a tiny pout was on her lips.

"But Mommy –"

"No buts, little miss," Penelope said firmly. "I'll be there to pick you up at the end of the day like before."

"I hate day care," Eva whined. "Everyone is stupid there."

"Just because you're smarter than they are doesn't mean they're stupid," Penelope said warningly. "And don't you dare tell the other kids that they're stupid – you'll get into fights and then you'll be punished for being naughty."

Eva sighed dramatically and long-sufferingly. "Mommy, that's not fair." She spoke with amazing eloquence for a four-year-old, and Penelope immediately regretted two very intelligent computer hackers creating life – it clearly had backfired in more ways than one.

"Okay, smarty pants, get your shoes on and we're going," Penelope said firmly. "Maybe you'll make some new friends today."

"No one wants to be my friend," Eva said, pouting as she sat down and tugged on her sparkly mary janes. "They hate me because I can read big books."

"No, they don't like you because you call them stupid," Penelope said with a frown. "So stop calling them stupid."

Eva sighed. "But they are," she said petulantly.

"That doesn't mean it's nice to say so," Penelope warned. "Okay, get your jacket, Eva Marie – it's time to go."

"Did you put my books in my backpack?" Eva asked anxiously.

"Yes, dear heart," Penelope said softly. "Now let's go – Mommy's going to be late if we don't get you to day care soon. And Mommy can't be late on her first day."

"Yes," Eva agreed. "That would be bad, Mommy."

* * *

She didn't even get an office. She got a little 4 foot by 4 foot cubicle that made her feel like the walls were closing in on her. Apparently, the techs that kept the FBI's backbone running weren't to be accorded any kind of bells and whistles. Either that or she'd just been dumped into hell.

Penelope was willing to call her cubicle the outer circle of hell. And she was suddenly nothing more than a glorified data entry specialist. It wasn't fair. She could run circles around these lousy little typists. Hell, if she wasn't scared to death that if she set one toe out of line that someone would take Eva from her and give her back to Kevin – or worse, to his parents – she would have already done a few upgrades to the mainframe in addition to her 'workload'. Clearly, she was being punished in very effective, personal ways. Which meant the Director had her in his sights.

She scowled and flipped off the security camera in the corner of the room.

"Garcia," her supervisor called in a scolding tone, "it's your lunch hour. The commissary is on the second floor, or there's a strip mall down the way that has a few nice places."

"Anywhere I can get a decent cup of coffee?" Penelope asked irritably.

"Yeah, there's a place in the strip mall."

She grabbed her blazer and her purse before she made a mad dash for the door. Freedom!

It took a few minutes to get to the coffee place, then she waited in line what seemed like forever. The douchebag in front of her with his big muscles and tight ass just kept flirting with the barista – and Penelope was just about ready to punch him in the face because she needed coffee NOW. "Excuse me, if you're quite finished making a fool of yourself," Penelope said firmly, walking up to the counter and nudging the stranger out of the way, "she's a lesbian and you're wasting your time. I need a double-shot mocha caramel latte with soy milk, please. And a spinach salad."

The barista was amused as she put in the order, and the man just stared at Penelope appraisingly. She looked over at him and said, "What are you staring at?" She forced herself to look away – oh hell, he was absolutely, utterly gorgeous. She got her food and drink without letting herself stare openly at him, and retreated to a table by the window.

It was barely a moment after she'd sat down when he slipped into the chair across from her with his cup of coffee and a sandwich. "Are you always so rude or is it a special talent?" he inquired.

"Are you always such a blatant flirt or do you just like the hard luck cases?" she retorted, stabbing her salad viciously. "Because I'm not interested."

"Not many people would just beat me out of line to get coffee," he replied. "They're be more likely to drag me into the ladies' room for a quick –"

Penelope's face flushed bright red and she slammed her plastic fork down on the table. "Go. Away," she ground out through clenched teeth. "I only have an hour for lunch."

"Me, too," he replied with a little smirk as he unwrapped his sandwich. "I work for the FBI."

Her eyes rolled heavenward. Great. She worked in the same building with this guy. That would be enough to encourage him. Maybe she should break out her computer skills and – no, that was bad. And hadn't she just lectured Eva this morning about letting people get close and like her?

Penelope sighed and said, "I suppose you're one of the instructors."

"I work for the Behavioral Analysis Unit," he said.

She smiled wanly. "And you couldn't deduce that neither the barista nor I were interested in your rippling pectorals? Some profiler." She picked up her fork and went back to stabbing the helpless spinach.

He raised an eyebrow and said, "Was your ex-husband that much of a jerk?"

She hesitated a moment, then smiled. "Okay, maybe just an oblivious profiler."

"SSA Derek Morgan," he said, offering his hand.

"Technical Analyst Garcia," she said, declining to shake his hand. "Unfortunately, I also work for the FBI. I used to be freelance but decided to settle down a little." She took a bite of her salad, then shifted in her seat, crossing her legs, trying to hide what he was doing to her. Damn it, being that handsome had to be criminal – she was already having trouble keeping her thoughts straight because her body was turning it up to eleven.

He smiled a little as he finished his sandwich. "Well, Technical Analyst Garcia," Derek Morgan drawled, the words dripping from his lips like honey, "I'll see you around." He leered at her suggestively, and she stilled, her face suddenly flushing again. He leaned in over the table and said, "Not interested, my ass." And then he was gone, lost to the lunch crowd.

And she was left sitting there, hating herself.

* * *

Morgan was barely back in the building when his phone started ringing. "Hotch, man, I thought we were actually allowed a lunch break," he complained.

Hotchner sighed. "Sorry, Morgan – we have a case. Round table in ten."

Morgan sighed. "Yeah, okay," he said, shaking his head, hoping to rattle loose the sinfully sexy blonde from the coffee shop and get her out of his mind. Yeah, that didn't work so well. It just made him dizzy. He waited his turn to go through the weapons screener and patiently waited as they verified his credentials vs. what he was carrying. And while he was standing there, waiting, Technical Analyst Garcia stepped through the metal detectors on the other side of the room. He watched her get patted down because something in her purse set off the alarms, and then he was let go – credentials in hand.

He walked over and said, "Fancy seeing you here, Technical Analyst Garcia."

She looked up at him like he'd just slapped her. "Agent Morgan," she greeted coldly before she stalked off in heels entirely too tall to walk in. He just watched her – daaaamn, he could watch her coming or going and just – yeah, no. He had to get his head back in the game. Round table. Case. Sounds bad.

He ran down the corridor and stopped the elevator doors from closing. "So, what floor?" he asked her.

She rolled her eyes. "I already hit the button," she said.

He looked at the panel and jabbed the six. The four was already lit. Yeah, he was an idiot. The elevator rose and when the doors opened at the fourth floor, he almost followed her out.

Damn it.

Damn it all to hell.

The doors closed again and re-opened at the sixth floor. He got off the elevator and walked to the BAU's main conference room. Everyone was already there, waiting. "What happened to you?" Rossi asked. "You look like someone kicked your puppy."

Morgan shrugged it off and settled into the last chair while JJ presented the case.

* * *

Penelope stopped down on the second floor to get Eva from day care. Her little girl looked tired and one of her pigtails had slipped during the day. "Did you have fun today?"

Eva scowled at her mother. "No," she muttered. "And I won't have fun tomorrow, either. Bobby pulled my hair and made me cry because he said Wonderland isn't real and I can't go."

Penelope sighed. "I'm sorry, honey – let's get your jacket on and go get some supper, okay?"

"But Henry is nice," Eva said. "And his daddy's nice."

Penelope nodded. "Well, you made one friend, then –"

"But Bobby's a jerky-mcjerkface," Eva sighed, dragging her shoes on the carpet. "Can we get pizza, Mommy?"

Penelope scooped her daughter up and said, "If that's what you want."

They were headed out the door, the guards smiling knowingly as they watched her carrying her daughter, when Penelope's work phone rang. She grabbed it and said, "Technical Analyst Garcia – I'm out of the office but how can I help?"

"You're being reassigned to a unit as of tomorrow," the Director said. "Report to the Behavioral Analysis Unit at 6am."

"Uh, sir – the day care doesn't open till eight, and I don't have a sitter in the mornings," Penelope protested.

"Figure something out."

She stared at the phone, then decided it would get her in more trouble to throw it than to just chill out and figure out an actual solution to the problem.

Oh hell.

Not to mention – the Behavioral Analysis Unit was where tall, dark, and Neanderthal worked.

She was officially, unequivocably, screwed with her pants on.

"Mommy, I'm hungry," Eva complained.

"Okay, pizza," Penelope replied, focusing again. "Let's get you some pizza!"

"Can I call Daddy tonight?" Eva asked. "He'll be worried about me starting at a new day care."

Penelope held her tongue – stopping just short of telling the little girl that Kevin Lynch wouldn't give a rat's ass if she was even still alive. The last child support check had bounced and Penelope was living on credit cards till her salary kicked in. Hell no, that miserable son of a bitch wouldn't care at all. "If you're still awake when he gets home from work," she said in a mild, even tone. "But California time is three hours behind us, remember?"

Eva frowned. "Oh yeah," she said. "I forgot."

"How about on Saturday?" Penelope suggested gently. "You can talk to Daddy and Grandma and Grandpa if they're home – is that okay?"

Eva nodded and said, "Mommy, I can walk. Put me down."

Penelope chuckled and let her grave-faced little girl down. She took her mother's hand and they walked at Eva's pace to the car. Once Eva was in her car seat, Penelope just had to figure out where a decent pizza place was. Thank god for google.


	2. Chapter 2

Part two:

It was a shitty solution, but Penelope got Eva changed out of her Princess nightgown and into clothes for the rest of the day without waking her up. Thank god for those little portable toothbrushes, right? She ran a brush through her daughter's hair and pulled it back into a ponytail. Once jacketed and ready to go, she carried the little girl out to the car and tucked her up in the car seat with her teddy bear.

If the day care didn't open till 8, she'd just have to keep an eye on her till it opened. And god help anyone that would challenge her otherwise.

Once in the building and on the elevator to the sixth floor, Penelope faltered a little – mostly because she felt Eva stirring in her arms. "Shh, baby," she murmured. "It's okay – go back to sleep…" The little girl yawned and snuggled back into Penelope's embrace and began snoring again.

She stepped out of the elevator and headed into the BAU. She was met by a blonde woman who said, "Penelope Garcia? I'm Erin Strauss, Section Chief."

"I'm sorry about my daughter," Penelope said quietly. "As soon as the day care opens, she'll be going downstairs."

"She can rest in your office until then," Strauss said. "The alpha team is in the field and their primary technical analyst quit yesterday. The Director assigned you based on your strengths, so you will have very little trouble fitting into the position. I should hope."

"Do you mind if I customize my setup?" Penelope inquired. "I work best with open source programs."

Strauss shrugged. "Whatever works for you – providing you can explain the extra programs to the Director." She led Penelope down a corridor and into an office that looked like Candyland to the tired tech. "The team will be contacting you for information regarding the current case in about an hour. You should familiarize yourself with it."

Penelope nodded and set Eva down on the sofa in the corner. She straightened up and said, "I'll get right to work, ma'am. Thank you for not fussing about –"

"Agent La Montagne brings her son in at odd hours sometimes," Strauss said. "It would hardly be prudent to punish you and not punish her."

Strauss abandoned them and Penelope set about fixing up the office. And then the phone rang. She tapped her earpiece and said, "BAU Technical Analyst, how may I help you?" The formality chafed, but what could she do?

"This is Unit Chief Hotchner – I need you to run a complete background check on a Ronald Invers. If you can go into his financials, that would be helpful."

Penelope sat down and started typing. "What exactly am I looking for, sir?" she inquired.

"Anything that connects him to the victims, no matter how small."

"Well, I can already see that they all share horrible taste," Penelope commented wryly. "McDonald's every day for lunch… and twice on Sunday – waaaait, two of the victims are former employees of a sex shop in Brighton – and the man in question is a frequent flier at the same shop."

"Keep digging," Hotch instructed, "and call me back at this number if you come up with any other connections."

Penelope worked like a fiend, pausing only long enough to drop Eva off downstairs and run out for a cup of coffee and a sandwich. About lunchtime, she got a call from Hotchner thanking her for her hard work – they had caught the unsub and were about to take off to come home. He commented that it was nearly a record for a violent offender being caught by the BAU.

She preened a little and said, "Thank you, sir – I look forward to meeting your team."

But now that she was pacing her office after filing all of her paperwork for the case, maybe she wasn't so much looking forward to meeting them. Maybe she was just terrified – okay, no maybe about it. And then there was the fact that she was going to have to look Agent Neanderthal in the eye and pretend that she wasn't affected by him.

It was almost six when there came a knock on her office door – and she dropped her troll doll. "Come in," she yelped, picking up the doll and hiding it behind her back.

"Welcome to the team," Hotch said, smiling. "Miss –"

"Garcia," Penelope said. "Penelope Garcia."

"Garcia, would you like to meet the team?" he inquired. "They would like to meet you, since you were the whole reason we're home this evening instead of a few days from now."

She shrugged and smiled a little. "It really wasn't anything special, sir – I just hacked a few back channels and made sure that no one caught me." She glanced at the clock and inhaled sharply. "Crap – I need to go pick my daughter up from day care or they're going to charge me a late fee."

"The FBI day care?" Hotch asked. She nodded. "JJ just went down to pick her son up – I can have her bring your daughter upstairs with her."

"I need to sign a release or something –"

"Or you can walk down there with her and then come back upstairs so I can show you the correct way to file things," Hotch said.

"Oh – oh – that I can do," Penelope said, almost running out the door. She bypassed the bullpen where Morgan and several other people were lounging around, bitching about paperwork. She stood outside the elevator with a thin blonde woman with an easy smile. "Are you Agent La Montagne?" Penelope inquired.

"Yeah – you can call me JJ," JJ replied with a smile. "What floor?"

"The second – I need to get my daughter from day care."

"That's where I'm headed," JJ said. "Are you the new tech?"

Penelope nodded. "Today was my first day –"

"Well, what a first day," JJ said cheerfully. The elevator dropped and they stepped off and went down the halls to the daycare.

"Mommy, Mommy!" a little boy cried, rushing up to JJ. "Hi!"

"Hey, little man," JJ said with a grin, scooping him up and hugging him. "You wanna go see Uncle Spencer and the others?"

"Please!" the little boy exclaimed.

Eva grabbed her jacket and walked up to Penelope with a frown. "I wanna go home," she sighed with a pout. "Everybody was mean to me today. I hate it here."

"Well, we can't go home just yet," Penelope said. "We need to go upstairs to Mommy's office."

Eva's frown deepened and she whimpered. "Mommy – I want to go home."

"And we will – after I finish working."

JJ's little boy came over and tugged on Eva's hand. "You gonna come meet my Uncle Spencer?" he asked. "He does magic, Eva."

"Magic is a lie," Eva said very quietly.

Henry frowned. "Nuh-uh."

"Eva, get your bear," Penelope said firmly. "And behave like a big girl."

Eva scowled at her mother and stomped across the room to get her teddy bear. And then she stomped back and grabbed Penelope's hand. "If I have to," she snarled.

"Stop being a brat," Penelope sighed.

"I want my Daddy," Eva said. "He wouldn't be as mean as you."

"Ouch," JJ commented. "I've got cookies in my office if you want some."

Suddenly, Eva was back on the level. "Oh, I like cookies," she said, smiling at JJ.

"Thank you," Penelope sighed.

"C'mon!" Henry insisted, grabbing Eva's hand and dragging her along with him as he followed JJ out the door. "Uncle Spencer is fun."

Penelope hung back and watched the kids interact. Henry was clearly a sweet boy – and Eva was a surly little girl, but he kept bringing a smile on her face. When they got out at the BAU, Henry dragged Eva into the bullpen, crying, "Uncle Spencer, Uncle Spencer, show me magic! This is Eva – she's really nice. Can you show her, too?"

Penelope watched for a moment before she realized that Agent Morgan had gotten up and crossed the bullpen and was almost in her sphere. "Hello, Technical Analyst Garcia," he said with a smirk.

"Agent Morgan," she said warily, she watched 'Uncle Spencer' do some 'magic', and then relaxed when she realized it was little tricks.

Eva ran back over and squealed. "Mommy, Mommy, that was so cool!"

Morgan's eyes caught hers and he said, "Mommy?"

"She's my Mommy," Eva said haughtily. "Who are you?"

"This is Mr. Morgan," Penelope said. "Mommy works with him."

Eva frowned, her brow creasing as her nose furrowed. "You just want to sleep with her," she said angrily.

Penelope blinked. "What?"

"That's what Daddy says – boys only want to sleep with girls," Eva said. She didn't understand why her mother was upset and so was Mr. Morgan – or why everyone else was laughing. "I don't see what's so fun about sleeping."

Penelope was spluttering as she grabbed her daughter and escaped to her office. "You are in deep trouble, little girl," Penelope scolded. "How many times do I have to tell you not to repeat what Daddy says? Daddy is wrong."

"Daddy can't always be wrong," Eva said with a pout. "Nobody's wrong all the time –"

"Your Daddy is," Penelope said firmly. "He's very, very wrong to tell you things like that."

There was a knock on the door and Penelope glanced over her shoulder to see Morgan standing there. "I'm sorry, Agent Morgan – my daughter is entirely too intelligent for her own good sometimes," Penelope tried to apologize.

"Mommy, don't be mean," Eva whined.

He smiled a little. "You didn't tell me that you were a mother," he said.

"Our acquaintance wasn't very long," she replied. "I'm not sure where I would have slid that in. But yes, I was married and had a baby and divorced. And this is my daughter, Eva Lynch."

Eva looked up at him and said, "Are you going to sleep with my Mommy?"

Derek didn't even blink. "Only if your mommy wants me to," he said in a gravely serious tone.

"My Daddy's the only one who should sleep with my Mommy," Eva said, scowling. "My Daddy's coming to see us soon and he'll sleep in Mommy's bed again and we'll be a family."

"Eva Marie Lynch," Penelope gasped.

Eva looked up at her mother, her eyes widening at the horrified tone. "What?" she asked very quietly.

"You're in time out," Penelope said firmly. "Agent Morgan, will you step outside with me for a moment?" They went into the hallway and she leaned close in to him. "I'm sorry about my daughter's behavior – I don't expect you to understand or forgive her. She's still angry that her father isn't here with us, but she doesn't understand that Kevin and I are finished."

"You don't have to apologize for her," Derek said. "My sister has kids – believe me, they've said a lot worse." He leaned in close and whispered, "Besides… I would gladly sleep with you, Technical Analyst Garcia – but we wouldn't be doing much sleeping."

Penelope blushed bright red. "I barely know you," she protested.

"So what?" he asked with a grin.

"And I have Eva to consider."

"What about considering yourself?" he inquired with a raised brow.

She inhaled deeply and braced herself before saying, "What I want doesn't matter. What's best for Eva is my only priority. And I don't think dating would be –"

"Who said anything about dating?" Morgan inquired.

* * *

He wished he could take back the words as soon as he'd said them, because they took her aback so severely that she just stared at him. "What, do you really think that you aren't sexy?"

"I'm not," Penelope said sadly. "You'd be wasting your time with me."

"Did your husband say that?"

"This isn't appropriate conversation in the workplace," she exhaled.

"Tell me you aren't the least bit attracted to me and I'll back off."

She took a step back. "You presume a lot, Agent Morgan."

He took a step forward, trapping her against the wall. "Tell me you haven't been thinking about hot, sweaty, dirty sex since yesterday," he growled, feeling a heavy, lascivious desire settle in his belly. He was already hard and if there weren't cameras everywhere and her kid in the other room, he would have been all over her.

Her cheeks flushed bright pink and her breasts rose and fell quickly as she tried to deny it – but he wasn't going to let her get away with it.

Her lips moved but no sound came forth – and he had things he wanted desperately to do to those lips… fuck, he wanted them around him. "Say something," he said firmly. It wasn't a request.

She swallowed hard and exhaled, "This is a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen –"

"Is it?"

Her flush deepened to red and her breathing became quicker and labored. "Agent Morgan –"

"Mommy, I'm hungry," Eva whined from inside the office.

Derek leaned in and gave her a soft, brief kiss. "You should feed her," he said. "And call me."

"I don't have your number –"

"I'll write it down," he said, smiling.

"Mommy!"

"In a minute," she called, turning back to him. "Agent Morgan –"

"Feel free to –"

"Will you come to dinner with us?" she asked. "And my name is Penelope – Penelope Garcia." She glanced at him furtively, then reached out and touched his hand hesitantly.

"Baby Girl, doesn't matter what your name is," he said, smirking, "so long as you feed that little girl of yours."

Eva's little face peeked out the door. "Mommy?" she asked hesitantly.

Derek smiled down at her. "Do you like pancakes?" he asked.

Eva lit up. "I love pancakes, Mr. Morgan," she said. "Mommy, can we have pancakes?"

"Okay," Penelope said.

Derek realized right then that their hips were still flush against each other and that it was more than slightly inappropriate to anyone passing by. "I know a great diner," he said, taking a step back. She exhaled and seemed to slump down the wall a little bit, like he'd been holding her up. "So, pancakes?"

"Can Paddington come?" Eva asked, holding up her teddy bear.

"Yeah, baby," Penelope exhaled weakly. "Paddington can come with us."

"I'm sorry I was rude, Mr. Morgan," Eva said. "Is that better, Mommy?"

"Much," Penelope agreed. "You need to get your jacket on – and I need to get my stuff –" She took a step and stumbled a little. Derek smirked knowingly; he tended to have that kind of an effect on women. She gave him a small, hesitant smile.

He knew if he could get her to let go a little, she would tear up the sheets with him and they'd have a hell of a lot of fun – because she was just a sex kitten waiting to be let out. He could crush her ex for breaking her spirit like he had. Maybe he'd get the chance.

He'd do it gladly for the reward of a kiss – a real, dirty, hot, sexy kiss… naked. It had to be a hell of a kiss. Whatever. It had to be a hell of a kiss in the middle of something far baser and sinfully depraved.

He was greatly looking forward to feeling her shapely legs around his hips, pulling him deeper.


	3. Chapter 3

Part three:

She knew without a shadow of a doubt that his motives were entirely dishonorable. And yet, she couldn't bring herself to really care all that much. He was kind and attentive to Eva, making sure that she had her pancakes and syrup just so. And he kept turning those burning, lusty gazes Penelope's way, and it was all she could do not to just give in to the urges he was stirring in her.

"What're you thinking about?" Morgan asked with a smile from his side of the booth, knowing full well what she was thinking about. He made sure Eva's second pancake was cut up before he glanced back at Penelope and her barely-touched dinner. "You gonna eat that, Baby Girl?"

"My name is Penelope," she reminded him, poking at her over-medium eggs. "Not Baby Girl."

"I'm the baby girl," Eva spoke up, licking syrup off her lips.

Morgan chuckled even as Penelope said, "You got told, Agent Morgan."

"Call me Derek," he invited.

"Mmm, does that mean we're attempting friendship?" she asked wryly as she took a bite of her roasted vegetable. "As opposed to just… the other?"

"You can say it –"

"Not in front of her," Penelope said firmly.

Eva was watching them with interest. "Mr. Morgan, you gonna come meet my kitty and see my dollies?" she asked.

"Not tonight, honey," Penelope said, even as Derek said, "Of course, sweetheart."

Penelope shot him a look of alarm. If he was in her space, it would make him just that much more difficult to resist – because she'd be able to see him in the light and comfort of her safe place. Damn it, no – he couldn't –

"Do you have a doll that looks like you?" Derek was asking Eva.

Eva nodded and smiled. "Mommy made her a sweater," she said proudly. "Her name is Jane."

He smiled over at Penelope. "It's up to your Mommy if I can come over," he said.

She spluttered a moment – oh, that just was not fair at all. He'd just dumped it right in her lap and if she said no, her kid was going to have a very public meltdown. What a bastard.

"Oh – fine," Penelope sighed. She kicked him under the table, smirking when he winced. "That's for playing me for a fool in front of my kid," she hissed.

His eyes widened in a picture of faux innocence. "I'm sure I don't know at all what you mean, Baby Girl," he said, rubbing salt in the wound.

Eva slurped syrup off her fingers. "Mommy, can I have pie?" she asked, batting her eyelashes sweetly.

"Absolutely not," Penelope said firmly. "You either get pie or Mr. Morgan comes over."

"Oh," Eva said. "Mr. Morgan! You know what Mommy has? Mommy has a bottle with goop in it – Mommy, you gotta show him!"

Penelope sighed. "It's blue oil in distilled water – she sits there and watches it for hours."

He smiled and said, "I'd love to see it, Eva."

"Good!" the little girl cried. "Mommy, I'm done. Can we go?"

"Your Mommy's still eating," Derek said. "And you've got sticky fingers, Eva."

The little girl smiled. "Mommy has wipies in her purse," she chirped.

Penelope was already ahead of them, pulling out a couple of wet wipes. "Can you sit quietly right here until I finish?" she asked, attacking her daughter's sticky fingers. "Please?"

"Can I sit with Mr. Morgan?" Eva asked. "And tell him all about Paddington Bear?"

"Okay, okay," Penelope said, letting her little girl slide under the table with her teddy bear. A moment later, her little head popped up over the edge of the table as Derek helped her up onto the seat. She listened to them talk earnestly as she ate her dinner as quickly as she could. That was one thing she'd never gotten the hang of – eating quickly around Eva.

When she finished, Derek had already paid the bill and Penelope found herself ready to protest, but thought better of it as he picked Eva up and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you for telling me about Paddington Bear," he said with a smile. "And now your Mommy needs to give me directions so I can come over and see Jane."

Eva smiled sweetly and said, "Okay!"

Penelope wrote down quick directions and handed them to him. "Can you give us a few minutes so I can clean up?" she asked. "We had an early start this morning and I need to tidy."

And change the sheets.

Oh dear god, was she really thinking about diving into bed with him?

Yes. Yes, she was. Her body was humming with barely surpressed arousal and she wasn't sure she wanted to keep fighting it. Maybe if she let go and went a little crazy, she'd get it out of her system? One good fuck and then – then what?

She definitely wasn't ready for a commitment – and from the way he was playing the game, neither was he. He'd probably show her a hell of a time, then walk away and be perfectly unscathed. Penelope, alas, knew that she could fall in love with him if she tried. It was sad how quickly and deeply she felt things; it made it difficult to have a quick-flash-in-the-pan fling and walk away.

He agreed and she loaded Eva into the car and sped off into the night. She got home and got Eva into her jammies then started picking up things around the apartment. She changed the sheets on her bed and hid the dirty evidence in the hamper before running into the bathroom and brushing her teeth – if things went that way, she didn't want to have roasted onion breath.

Penelope heard a knock on the door and came out of the bathroom to find Eva sitting cross-legged on the coffee table with Jane in her hands. "Hey, get down," Penelope scolded. "You know you're not supposed to be on the table, young lady."

"But, Mommy –"

Penelope slowed down and plucked her off the table and dropped her on the floor. "Do not make me put you in time out in front of Mr. Morgan, young lady," she said.

Eva's lower lip wibbled and she sat down on the floor, pouting and hiding her tears.

Penelope shook her head and went to the door, surprised to find him standing there, holding an armful of flowers and a bottle of wine. "You found us," she said, her voice high and tight. "Come on in – Eva's about to have a tantrum because I made her get off the table."

"What was she doing on the table?" he asked.

"Waiting for you!" Eva cried, flopping on the floor and sobbing.

Penelope sighed and took the wine into the kitchen to open the bottle and let it breathe. Eva's cries stopped and became sniffles, then she heard her little girl telling Derek about Jane and all of her special toys and books. By the time she came out of the kitchen, order had been restored – and Derek was holding a sleepy little girl on his lap, reading to her.

Penelope felt a sudden pang of irritation – what was going to happen if he bonded with Eva and then walked away like Kevin had? It would destroy the little girl's heart. How dare he use her kid to get in her good graces. He better be a damn good lay was all she had to say. He better fucking be worth the cost of doing business.

He picked Eva up and carried her into her room, and Penelope hung back, just observing. "You've done this before," she said when he joined her in the living room. "You have kids?"

"Just my niece and nephews," he replied with a small smile. "Never met anyone I wanted to make babies with – and I'm old and settled in my ways."

"You aren't old," she said automatically, pouring him a glass of wine – knowing full well that if they polished off the bottle, he wasn't going anywhere. Talk about sending mixed signals. Fuck, she didn't even know what she wanted.

Except she really, really, really, wanted to find out if his reputation was well-deserved.

"Your daughter is a very special girl," he said, accepting the wine and settling into her couch. He looked out of place with the frilly pillows and abandoned stuffed animals, but somehow, he looked like he could belong if she wanted him to. "She's a sweetheart."

Penelope smiled wanly. "Yes, she is," she said softly. "And I can't even keep up with her. I love her so much – she's the only good thing about my marriage." Her smile faded and she drank her wine in one long gulp, then got up to get more.

When she sat down again, he took the glass away. "Slow down," Derek said.

She snorted lightly. "I don't like talking about my life," she said. "Especially not my marriage."

"Then don't talk about it," he murmured, reaching out and touching her face with his fingertips. He traced the outline of her lips, then smirked when his thumb brushed against her lower lip, teasing it into a pout. "We don't have to talk about anything, Baby Girl."

"I'm not good at this," she whispered. "And you're the player –"

"I like playing the game," he said, shifting on the couch and leaning closer to her. "I love sex. And you're just what I've been waiting for, Penelope Garcia – that fine ass, those breasts –"

"Whoa," Penelope exhaled, holding up a hand. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're really pouring it on. I already got the pheromone hit, Hot Stuff, and I've been itching to –" She stopped speaking. "I would love to be your friend, but sex is – complicated."

"Life is complicated," he said. "Sex is simple."

Penelope blinked at him, then reached for her wine again. She drained it quickly, then murmured, "But if we have sex, will we be able to work together?"

"Absolutely," he said firmly. He caught her by surprise, kissing her slowly, deeply, his hands cupping her face and compelling her to continue the kiss. A delicious tendril of heat snaked through her belly and settled in her pelvis, prompting her to moan and close her eyes, meeting him hungry kiss for delicious, hungry kiss. He pulled back, leaving her breathless and stunned – she hadn't expected him to taste so good, like syrup and wine and something all male and musky.

She whimpered and scrambled back, but he immediately pursued her, pressing her against the couch with the force of his ardor. The kisses suddenly became far more predatory, far more needy – she could have called it desperate if he wasn't in complete control. And when his hands snaked up under her blouse, she couldn't hold back a twisted groan. His hot, hard body, was so close to hers that she thought she'd be scorched by him – dear god, why did he have to be so fucking hot?

"Morgan," she whimpered even as he brushed his thumb over her satin-covered nipple.

"Derek," he corrected, his voice low and husky with lust. "Are you wet, Penelope?"

She blushed. "I – Derek – uh – ohhh…" He shifted, settling between her bent knees, his hips pressing against hers, his hardness pressing against her damp panties – damn him for hiking up her skirt anyway. He had to know how wet he'd made her with just a few kisses. She felt sudden shame in being so damn eager, her cheeks flushing hot. "What are you –"

He cut her off with a deep, languishing, probing kiss that made her melt. He rocked against her, building her up one move at a time. The pressure of his zipped fly rubbed against her clit, his hardness made her move with him, their kisses mimicking a deep, hard fucking. The tension in her built till she exploded, a tiny squeak the only noise she could bear to make.

Oh god, why did he have to be so good?

She whimpered and kissed him, drinking in the taste of him – if nothing else, they had this chemistry. Her hands roamed over his hard muscles, yanking his t-shirt off in a smooth motion. His grin matched her own; the next thing she knew, they were stumbling into her bedroom, tearing off each others clothes and tasting, touching all of the hot, salty skin they were revealing.

He yanked her panties down her legs, pressing tender kisses along her hip, traveling inward. She slapped him away and dragged him back up for a tongue-tangling kiss that left them both panting and demanding more. More, more, more – and then he was lifting her onto the bed and curling her legs up over his shoulders, burying himself to the hilt in a slow, long thrust that made her shake and bite down on her lip hard to keep from crying out.

Surely, this was bliss – this was her reward for all the shit she'd endured with Kevin. Derek's kisses were intoxicating, delicious, tempting her ever closer to the very edge of delight. Her legs stiffened with the oncoming orgasm and she began to shake beneath him as he hit just the right spot yet again. Each thrust made her want to just give in and be his friend with benefits – oh, oh dear god, what was she doing?

Her climax slammed into her like a freight train, along with a sudden regret that gnawed in her belly like a beast even as she tore at his back with her nails, losing the battle to stay silent. And then he was stilling and kissing her like his life depended on it as they swallowed each other's cries in their tangled kiss.

She watched him walk into the bathroom – stark naked, and oh, did he look good – and began to panic. They were co-workers, not fuck buddies; they had to be able to work together and… And he was just –

He came back with a warm washcloth and a smile. He cleaned her up, pressing kisses everywhere he could, and her heart melted. She was in a world of trouble now.

She could fall in love with him, if she let herself.


	4. Chapter 4

Part four:

It was almost five in the morning before Penelope could actually form a coherent thought. Derek Morgan was nothing if not thorough in his adoration of the female body – so much so that she could barely move. But, then again, she hadn't had sex in almost four years, so her body was doing a good job of betraying her.

The last time she'd had sex, it had been vicious, spiteful, and violent – her last days with Kevin had been a mirror of that. She'd been to the hospital four times before she'd been able to serve him with divorce papers. And that son of a bitch had dragged his heels on signing the paperwork. She'd only, finally, been free of him for the last year.

And the last year, she'd been hacking for profit… till she got caught.

Now she was just another lackey of the government.

In bed with another lackey of the government.

Who had a very nice weapon.

Very nice indeed.

The night had passed entirely too quickly with quick naps between delightfully delicious rounds of hot, fun, intensely passionate sex. He wasn't kidding when he said he loved sex – he'd definitely proved that beyond a shadow of a doubt. And he'd brought that love to the table and helped her feast on pleasures she'd thought she'd never enjoy – because Kevin had broken her in more ways than one.

Dear, sweet lord, she could get used to waking up with Derek Morgan. He even looked good tangled up in her purple sheets.

She blinked and looked at the clock – six had come entirely too fast. Eva was going to wake up soon and she would shit bricks if he was in her mother's bed. Penelope nudged him. "Hey," she murmured.

He grumbled something barely audible, so she poked him in the side. "Derek, it's after six," she said softly. "Eva's going to be awake soon."

"So she'll be awake," he mumbled. "So what?"

"She's going to have a fit when she sees you in bed with me," she hissed.

He groaned and opened his eyes. "Seriously?" he asked, pulling her closer, his hands creeping onto her ass again. "Can't she like sit there and watch cartoons or something? It's Saturday –"

She moaned and rocked her hips against him. "Aren't you tired of me yet?" she exhaled. "Because I'm not going to be able to walk without limping –"

He snorted a little. "That just means you're out of practice," he teased. "And practice makes perfect…" He rolled over, trapping her beneath him. She giggled breathlessly and accepted his hungry kiss, then shoved him away. "Hey, don't blow cold like that –"

"My daughter is my only concern," she reminded him gently. "And she does not need to know more about sex than what her father's already told her at the moment."

He frowned and kissed her once more before he rolled away. She didn't like how cold it felt without him all of a sudden. "Your ex is a dick," he commented dryly as he went in search of his boxers.

"You don't have to tell me that," she replied sadly. She got up and went to the dresser in search of clean underwear and clothes – only to get distracted when he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her shoulder. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to –"

"Why were you with him?" he asked.

She shrugged. "He was safe. I was young and stupid. Take your pick – it's all the same." He nuzzled her neck and she exhaled weakly, knowing he could have her undone again in just moments…

"You, Penelope Garcia, are not stupid," Derek said firmly, directly into her ear.

She pulled away and pulled her underwear on. "Oh, wouldn't you be surprised," Penelope said cheerfully. She got dressed in record time, meeting his hot, intensely sexual gaze from time to time. Wow, he really burned hot –

And he was tenting his boxers. He better put a dampener on things or it could get very awkward when Eva got up. "You're having a little issue," she commented dryly.

"No, I'm having a very large issue," he growled. "Like that I don't want to surrender you to a four year old. I want to get back in bed and –"

She raised an eyebrow. "Derek, I'm fully clothed –"

"And I know what you have going on underneath those clothes," he pointed out. His cock was already poking up above his waistband. "You've spoiled me already," he said helplessly.

She glanced at her watch and took three strides to close and lock the door. "Maybe she'll sleep in a few minutes?" Penelope suggested hopefully.

"And if she doesn't?" he asked, raising an eyebrow as she turned around and took a hesitant step toward him.

"She can get a bowl and cereal herself," Penelope replied, looking him up and down, her gaze settling on his crotch. She licked her lips, unable to help herself from that small action. Damn him for being so utterly, completely, delicious anyway. She could lose herself in that vee – or in his eyes as he… She barely stopped herself from moaning.

"And how will you explain me being in here?" he asked, smirking as she took another step toward him.

"Stop playing devil's advocate," she said, "it doesn't suit you. You're supposed to be leading me into temptation, not yanking me away from it – right?" She met him in the middle of the last step, offering him a searing kiss that she felt to the tips of her toes. She had never felt this alive before – and she hadn't missed what she hadn't known existed. Till now. She grieved silently for all of the time she wasted with Kevin when she could have been doing anything but being his slave.

She knew she had to show him how much she appreciated his notice – and the night that they'd shared. But the thought of the inconvenience of getting undressed again made her think twice about tumbling back into bed. Instead, she broke the kiss and ran her fingers over his chest, tracing each muscle and smirking as she leaned in to kiss – and sometimes lick – where her fingernails left goose bumps in their wake. "Should I be jealous of your personal trainer?" she asked, reaching his navel and nipping at the edge of the divot with her teeth.

When he didn't respond to her question, she looked up and saw his eyes rolled back into his head and his teeth gritted. She laughed a little and tugged on his boxers, inhaling deeply when he sprang free of the silk. "Let me tell you a secret," she purred softly.

"Baby Girl, you can tell me anything," he groaned.

"I give amazing blow jobs." It was a simple statement of fact. Kevin hadn't always wanted actual, violent sex – sometimes, he'd just wanted to be sucked off so he could hide her away again. She'd become very good at getting him to blow his load as quickly as possible so he'd leave her alone – and the very few partners she'd had before him had given her nothing but praise.

But to have someone go down on her? That was not going to happen. The one time it had happened, she'd been wounded in action – and she'd never let anyone touch her like that again. Even Derek, chiseled sex god that he was, had been turned away during their play. She wasn't ready to open herself to trusting someone that much again.

His eyes were glazed when he looked down at her. "You shouldn't just – just say that –"

She took him in hand and flicked her tongue over the seeping tip. "Oh, I wasn't planning on just talking," Penelope said with a lusty chuckle. The best part about learning the best possible way to go down on people was learning to enjoy the power it gave. It made her feel more important than anyone else in the world, because in that moment, she was giving them bliss.

And the noises Derek was already making had her heart rate up. She was going to want to jump him again at this rate, and she was so not happy with herself for being such an overeager partner. She began to lick, kiss, touch his hard cock, listening to him get more and more into her ministrations even as she berated herself. Just because he was hot and every bit of him tasted just as good as her favorite chocolate treats was no reason to completely lose her head.

When he came, it was with force and his knees wobbled dangerously as she stopped caressing his delectable butt. She swallowed then licked her lips before she leaned in and gave him a few more teasing licks and nips, then sat back on her heels, feeling incredibly turned on. The deep guttural groan of her name had reignited all of her desires from the night before – and the morning – and – and forever. Because she felt like she'd been waiting forever for him to come to her and set her free. Damn it. She hated being a damsel in distress.

"Let me return the favor," he exhaled. "Please, Penelope –"

"I'd rather you be happy, tiger," she purred, stroking his thighs and smiling up at him. "And you're very, very happy right now, aren't you?"

"You know what would make me happier?" he asked, breathing deeply when she ran her nails down his legs. "Tasting you – finding out if you're as delicious as those naughty lips of yours."

Her smile faltered: he was going to push the issue. "Not today," Penelope bit out, pulling away from him like she'd been burned. "Maybe not ever."

"What did that spineless piece of shit do to you?" he growled. "Oral sex is a good thing – not something to be ashamed of –"

"I'm not ashamed! I – I – he bit me and tore something," she said, face flushing bright red – whether from anger or embarrassment, she couldn't have decided. "Okay? It was an accident and I just don't like the thought of it happening again. So no one gets near my bits with their teeth. Not even you, Hot Stuff."

He clapped a hand over his heart. "I'm wounded that you don't trust me enough not to bite your clit," he said sarcastically. "Woman, clearly the man didn't know what the hell he was doing – and I do."

"Not today," she said. "Maybe another time, okay?" She got up and started pacing the room, trying to keep some distance between them so she could keep a level head. "I just – I don't want you to think less of me because I said no. But I can't do it, Derek. Not today, maybe not ever – " She was going to wear a hole in the carpet and still not have any more self-respect than she did.

He stopped her, grabbing her hand as she stormed by and pulling her toward him. He kissed her and pressed his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I don't like being held responsible for other people's failures."

Her heart sank into her feet and she was suddenly hearing the death knells of their fledgling affair ringing in her head. "It's my failure, not yours or anyone else's," she whispered, pulling away from him and heading for the door. If she left now, she could save them both the humiliation of whatever was about to happen. "You can find the door when you're ready to leave," she murmured. "And there are plenty of fresh towels in the bathroom. Take your time."

"Are you brushing me off?" he asked, clearly a little amused at the thought. "After all that, you're just going to give me towels and a blow job and a brush off?"

She didn't even turn to look at him. "I need to check on Eva," she said simply, leaving the room before she could hurt either of them.

Eva was already sitting on the couch with a bowl of cheerios, munching away as she watched My Little Pony. "Hi, Mommy," she chirped. "Who were you talking to?"

"Mr. Morgan slept on the couch," Penelope lied, sinking onto the couch and pulling her daughter onto her lap. "And I was just telling him where the towels were so he can take a shower."

"He should take a bubble bath," Eva chirped. "They're nice."

"Mmmhmm," Penelope agreed, kissing the top of the little girl's head.

"Mommy?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"My shoes are too tight," Eva said matter-of-factly as she smiled at the antics of the animated ponies on the tv. "I need new ones. My toes are all smooshed."

"Okay," Penelope said softly. "We'll go get you new shoes today, okay? After Mr. Morgan goes back to his house."

Derek came out of Penelope's bedroom and walked into the kitchen, rattling around in the cupboards for a minute. He called, "Do you want some coffee, Garcia?"

The slightly snide tone to her surname made her flinch. "Sure, if you're making some, Morgan," she retorted in kind. The next thing she knew, he was thrusting a mug under her nose. "Thank you," she said quietly.

Eva sighed and said, "I'm outta Cheerios."

"I'll get you more," Derek volunteered.

Eva wiggled out of her mother's arms and went to the kitchen without acknowledging him.

"You don't have to stay," Penelope whispered even as Derek sat down next to her on the sofa. "I know you have other places to be."

He glanced at her. "I don't like women throwing me out like I'm a piece of meat," he commented dryly. "You could at least be nice to me for a minute." He hesitated, then held her hand, threading their fingers together.

Her heart was thudding in her chest, urging her to confess the dark sins of her thoughts, her wishes, her desires – everything she longed for and feared… But instead, she said, "I just thought you might want to go home and get some things done. I know the BAU agents are on call 24/7. I wasn't – I wasn't trying to cheapen last night."

He was about to kiss her when Eva came back into the room, carefully balancing her bowl. She saw the adults on the couch and settled down on the floor cross-legged as Pound Puppies came on.

"We've got errands to run," Penelope murmured. "She needs new shoes and I need to pick up a prescription."

He nodded, then leaned in very close to whisper, "I never even thought to ask if you were protected –"

"Don't you worry about me," she replied. "I'm a big girl and I'm prepared for anything, Super Agent." She squeezed his hand. "I promise, some day… some day, I'll tell you why I'm gun shy. But till then, can you – can you live with this?" She looked over at him, hoping she wouldn't see rejection staring back at her.

"I'll live with whatever you're willing to give me," Derek replied, his voice low and gravelly.

"Mommy, can I have pink sparkly shoes like those?" Eva gasped as she watched a commercial.

"Maybe," Penelope replied, knowing that they cost way more than they could afford at the moment. But she couldn't really say no to her little girl, who didn't ask for very much at all.

Eva beamed up at her, and Penelope reminded herself that everything was for that little girl and her beautiful smile. All of this – the hacking, the FBI job, keeping her from Kevin… it was all for her. How her mother felt about it all didn't matter.

She closed her eyes and leaned against Derek, hoping that one day, he would understand.


	5. Chapter 5

Part five:

Eva ended up with a sensible pair of tennis shoes, not the sparkly pink things that she'd wanted. But the little girl hadn't thrown a tantrum about it – she'd decided on her own that she liked the black and white striped tennis shoes much more. Penelope was grateful that there hadn't been drama about that, and had also been grateful about the price tag being significantly lower. But she wasn't going to tell her daughter how strapped they were till her paychecks started in. That wasn't fair.

Eva scampered around the playground, giggling and hanging from the monkey bars like a little fool. She didn't make friends with anyone, but she was enjoying herself. Penelope sat on one of the benches, watching her like a hawk – because sometimes, that little genius didn't know when to stop.

Her phone beeped and she fumbled with her purse till she found it. A text from Derek: _What do you want for dinner?_

She paused a moment, then replied: _I was going to make lentil and rice soup._

There wasn't another reply, and she sighed. He was going to keep trying to win her over, not realizing that he'd already done it in the span of a few scant hours. And she hated herself so much for giving in so easily. What if he hurt her in the same ways Kevin had? What if he just decided that she wasn't good enough and left? So many variables, all with the same dismal outcome: she wasn't enough and would be alone forever.

Eva dropped from the bars and ran over. "I'm ready to go home, Mommy – I'm tired now," she announced. Penelope smiled and fussed over Eva for a minute, wiping away the streak of dirt from her cheek and giving her a kiss. "Can you read to me when we get home?" she asked eagerly.

"What would you like me to read?" Penelope asked gently. "If it's Dante's Inferno again, that would be a no."

Eva made a face, then sighed. "Maybe Hounds of the Beakervilles?" she asked, stifling a yawn.

"Baskervilles," Penelope corrected with a small smile.

"Yeah, that one," Eva replied. "I like Sherlock Holmes – but Doctor Watson is nicer."

Penelope shook her head. "You, little one, are entirely too wise for your own good," she said softly. "Come on – let's walk home. It looks like it might rain soon."

"Maybe there will be a thunderstorm!" Eva said excitedly. "I love thunderstorms!" It made sense, seeing as how she'd been born in the middle of one. The power had been out, the hospital running on a backup generator, when she'd made her grand entrance into the world.

"Maybe – but we better get home before it starts raining," Penelope warned. "You don't want to get all wet and yucky, do you?"

"Isn't that what towels are for?" Eva asked curiously, looking up at her mother with a raised eyebrow.

Penelope laughed. "Oh, come on, you – do you want soup for supper?"

Eva sighed. "Soup again, Mommy?"

"Oh, don't make that face," Penelope said, frowning. "I'll make cookies, too –"

"Cookies?" Eva said, perking up a little and hopping in place. "Yay, cookies – okay, we can have soup, but I want cookies!"

"Come on, you," Penelope said, taking her daughter's hand and walking the seven blocks back to their apartment complex. By then, Eva was drooping and getting cranky. Penelope picked her up and walked the last two blocks for them both. "Are you sleepy, monkey?"

"Yes," Eva whined succinctly.

"Then you can take a nap while I make supper," Penelope promised. "You still want me to read to you?" A little nod was all the response she got. "Okay, sweetheart," she murmured, trudging up the three flights of steps to her apartment. "I'll read to you, and then make supper."

The rain started while Penelope was reading – and it only took a few pages before Eva was out cold. Penelope finished the fifth chapter in its entirety before she covered the little girl up with her blankets and tucked Paddington safely into her arms.

She'd been idly chopping vegetables – carrots, onions, celery, and red peppers – for a while and had moved onto shelling peas when she heard a knock on the door. Penelope dried her hands and peered out the peephole, stifling a small gasp of delighted anticipation when she saw Derek standing there. What – why was he – she'd been so bad to him this morning –

She knew she didn't look her best – she looked like a mom in her jeans, sweater and lack of makeup. But he'd already seen it all that morning… It took her a moment before she opened the door. "Hey," she said softly. "What are you –"

He held up more flowers, a riot of daisies, violets, and mums. And then he held up another bottle of wine in his other hand. "I thought we could talk," Derek said softly.

She licked her lips, knowing that wine would lead to way more than talking between them. "You're okay with soup for dinner?" she asked softly.

"I'm happy any time anyone makes something well," he said gently. "Can I come in? I got caught in the rain on the way in –"

She stood back and let him come in, then closed the door behind him, locking it. "Do you want a towel?" she asked.

"Where's Eva?"

"Naptime," she said simply, holding out the kitchen towel she'd been using to wipe her hands. "Can I get you something warm to drink? Coffee, tea –"

He grabbed the towel, pulling her closer. When she realized what he was doing, she released the towel, but he still grabbed her and pulled her in for a kiss. She melted against him, giving in yet again. "That's better than a hot drink," he commented with a lazy grin. "By the way? I thought about you the whole time I was home with the dog. How much I couldn't wait to get back here and kiss you again."

She blinked at him and exhaled. "You don't have to lay it on thick for me," Penelope said softly. "I know that you're feeling great right now, but when it sinks in that I –"

"When I said I've been waiting for you my whole life, I wasn't just using it as a come on line," he said firmly. "You know how you feel connections with someone –"

"No, I don't," she said honestly. "All I know is that when you fall in love with someone, it hurts – and when you give in to it, they'll get tired of you and leave. So I don't fall in love." The last sentence was a lie, blatant and like a spear to the heart, trying to close herself off from him once and for all. She would give him everything if she let herself – she couldn't let herself.

"Penelope," he said softly, "this isn't just a fling, okay? Not for me, anyway."

She shook her head and whispered, "Then you can fall in love and enjoy being the one that gets rejected, Derek, because I can't – I can't do it again." Kevin had twisted her love into something ugly, poisonous, full of self-derision and loathing for all the time that she had been with him. What would Derek do to her? How could she stand to look into the mirror and see that ugliness looking back at her again?

He sighed and touched the side of her face, gently cupping it. "Maybe… maybe I deserve that," he said softly.

"It's not you, it's me," she said, pulling away. "Why don't you go put the wine in the fridge and –"

"I brought chocolates, too," he said.

She fell silent, going back into the kitchen to work on the food. Once the vegetables were in the pot and cooking, she turned and came face to face with him. "You can't sneak up on me like that," she protested weakly.

"I've been here a while," he said. "Are you a little jumpy?"

"I'm just not used to people in here," she protested.

"You're really jumpy," he said. "That's not normal, Baby Girl –"

Her lips pursed together and she frowned at him. "When you get used to people sneaking up on you meaning that you're going to get… smacked around or forced to have sex or anything like that… you hate being surprised." She turned away, closing her eyes and crossing her arms protectively around herself. "I'm sorry. I can't turn it off."

"If I ever meet the jerk that made you feel –"

"You won't do anything to him," Penelope said very quietly. "He's already done the damage – doing more damage won't solve anything." She turned back to him and inhaled deeply, trying not to cry. She moved into his embrace, hugging him tightly. He held her and whispered soft, soothing words into her hair, calming her and making her fall just that much more.

Eva stumbled into the kitchen. "Mommy, I had a bad dream," she whimpered, rubbing her eyes with her fists, crying.

Penelope immediately left Derek's arms and stooped down to hold Eva. "Oh, sweetheart," she whispered, "I'm so sorry – so sorry – are you okay?"

Eva buried her face in her mother's shoulder and cried. Penelope just held her, stroking her back and hair, not saying anything else. She picked Eva up and hooked her legs around her hips so she could carry her out to the living room. There they sat quietly in the recliner, rocking, while Derek tended the food in the kitchen. Penelope had left the recipe out on the counter, so he could follow it as she soothed her daughter back to sleep.

Derek came out into the living room, asking, "Is she okay?"

Penelope shook her head and stroked her daughter's back. "I hope she goes back to sleep soon –"

Eva squirmed and whimpered. "Mommy…"

"Shh," she replied. "Go back to sleep, baby doll."

"Nuh-uh," Eva whispered. "Nuh-uh. I don't wanna – it's too scary, Mommy."

"Shh," Penelope breathed. "It's okay, baby. I promise."

Eva pushed away from her mother and struggled to get down. "It's not okay, Mommy," she said firmly. "Don't lie." She hit the floor and headed for the toybox, but Derek stopped her. "Why are you here?" she asked, frowning up at him. "You go home!"

"Eva Marie, do not be rude," Penelope said. "Mr. Morgan wanted to have dinner with us again –"

"You have a house," Eva said, picking up a doll and throwing it at him. "Go to your house! Leave us alone!"

Penelope hit the floor running, grabbing Eva's wrists and holding her still. "You stop it right now," she hissed. "Do not treat Mr. Morgan like that – he's a very nice man, Eva Marie. He's not a bad man." Eva struggled and bit Penelope's hand, drawing blood. "ENOUGH," Penelope rumbled. She never raised her voice to Eva, but enough was enough.

The little girl stilled and quaked in her socks, clearly remembering the last time she'd been yelled at. "Mommy, don't hurt me," she whimpered, lower lip trembling.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Penelope whispered. "Oh, baby – tell me what's wrong. Tell me what happened –" Her hand was still bleeding, but she shook it off, trying to be strong for Eva. "Nobody is going to hurt you."

"It was Daddy," Eva whispered. "Daddy hurt me in my sleep, Mommy –"

"Daddy is never going to hurt you again," Penelope said firmly. "I promise you, Eva. That's why we moved, sweetheart – so Daddy can't hurt us anymore." She smiled sadly and hugged her daughter. "I love you. I would do anything for you – you know that, sweetheart. Just tell me what's wrong, okay? Don't throw things and try to hurt other people's feelings. Just tell me what's wrong."

"Mommy –"

"Mr. Morgan isn't a mean man like Daddy," Penelope whispered. "Go tell him you're sorry and you won't do it again. Please."

Eva sighed and released her mother long enough to walk over to Derek. "Mr. Morgan, I was a bad girl and I'm sorry I threw my doll," she said very quietly.

Derek knelt down in front of her and said, "It's okay, Eva – do you really want me to go home?"

She shook her head and looked over her shoulder at Penelope. Then she turned back to Derek and said, "Mommy likes you – she wants you to stay," she said hesitantly.

"What about you?" Derek asked.

"She says you aren't mean – are you mean?" she asked worriedly, her eyebrows drawing together worriedly. "You aren't going to hurt me, are you?"

"Never," Derek said firmly. "Do you want me to stay? Or do you want me to go home?"

"Do you like soup and cookies?" Eva asked.

"I like soup a lot," Derek said, his voice softening. "And I love cookies – does your Mommy let you help make the cookies?"

Eva nodded and smiled a little. "You can stay," she whispered. "You can't hurt my mommy, okay? She tries so hard, Mr. Morgan – she needs help."

Derek reached out and hugged the little girl. "I know she does, Eva – I know," he whispered, giving her a little kiss on the top of the head. "Thank you for letting me stay, kiddo."

"Are you going to sleep on the couch again?" Eva asked. "I can give you my blankies –"

Derek smiled and gave her another kiss. "Why don't you come help me make the soup?" he suggested. "That way, your mommy can clean up her hand."

Eva looked over at Penelope, a little ashamed. "Mommy, I –"

"Go help Mr. Morgan," Penelope said softly. "I'll be okay – I just need to go clean it up."

"You need help, Baby Girl?" Derek asked.

She shook her head. "I'm fine – you two go work on dinner, okay? The lentils are in the cupboard and the rice is –"

"I know where it is, Mommy," Eva said. She took Derek's hand and tugged him toward the kitchen. "Come on, Mr. Morgan," she said firmly.

Penelope cleaned up her hand and bandaged it, kind of proud of her little girl at the same time as she was disgusted with her behavior. At least she knew how to fight back, even just a little. Her kind heart didn't extend as far as her mother's.

When she went back into the kitchen, Derek had Eva sitting up on the countertop and the little girl was reading the recipe aloud. "Add all the broth," Eva said, "then the lentils – half a cup." Derek did as she said, then leaned over and tickled her. "Mr. Morgan, no!" she giggled.

"That's what you get for being a know-it-all," he teased. "Know-it-alls get tickled."

Penelope chuckled, bringing their attention to her. "How's dinner coming?" she asked softly.

"Very good, I think," Derek said. "I'm following the recipe –"

"I'm helping read the recipe," Eva said proudly. "Mr. Morgan is doing good, Mommy."

"I'm sure he is," Penelope said. "Why don't you go watch something and Mr. Morgan and I will finish dinner."

"What about the cookies?" she asked.

"After dinner," Penelope said firmly.

Eva lifted her arms so Derek could pick her up and lower her to the floor. "Okay," she agreed before she scampered out of the room.

"How is your hand?" Derek asked.

"It stings a little," Penelope said. "I had no idea she was going to do that – I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he sighed, reaching out and pulling her closer. When they were hip to hip, he asked, "How does this look? Am I doing it right?"

"You're doing so many, many things right," she murmured. She peered down in the pot and said, "It looks just like it should." She was silent for a moment, then said, "Kevin doesn't get visitation with her anymore. Because when we were first separated, he… did her harm. The courts sided with me in the divorce and I have sole custody." She leaned against Derek and sighed. "He hurt us both more than I can tell you, Derek."

"If I ever meet the creep, I will –"

"No, you won't," she murmured. "Because you'd be no better than he is. And if you're better than him, I won't feel so bad about loving you." The last part was said so sadly and so wistfully that she sounded pathetic even to herself.

"You shouldn't feel bad about loving me," he teased, giving her a sweet kiss. "I'm very loveable."

She smiled and whispered, "Yes, you are."


	6. Chapter 6

TRIGGER WARNING: abuse, implied rape, etc.

Part six:

They slipped into a kind of family life over the course of the next couple of months. Derek would go out on cases when required, but whenever he was home, he and Clooney were with Penelope and Eva. When he was gone, the overgrown puppy stayed with them, acting like a guard dog and loving all of the attention that Eva gave him. Penelope indulged Derek's lovability – damn him – and found herself falling more and more in love every day.

They'd managed to hide their relationship from their co-workers, allowing Penelope to forge her own dynamic within the team. But whenever things got rough, she ran to Derek – and no one questioned it, because he downplayed it into them being best friends.

Best friends with benefits and a signing option for everything else, maybe.

The case they were working on was brutal, and Strauss had to call in several people from the Department of Homeland Security to assist in the FBI offices. Penelope was on her way out from her 16 hour shift when she stopped short and bit back a cry.

Kevin Lynch was in the BAU bullpen.

Her ex-husband, as slimy and hateful as ever – she could see it and recognize it a million miles away. And no matter how many times she blinked, his god-forsaken image didn't go away. She retreated back to her office, slamming the door shut behind her, heart racing. Thank god Will La Montagne had been helping take care of Eva when Penelope was stuck in the office, so she at least had some time to sleep between horrific shifts – because she didn't have to go get Eva. She could hole up in her office and pretend that nothing had happened.

That Kevin was a mirage – a hallucination, brought on by not enough sleep and definitely not enough food or drink.

Denial would only get her so far.

She had changed since they'd gotten divorced – not just physically. She'd put weight back on (in a good way), changed her hair, and changed her name back to its maiden glory. And she'd slowly become more confident in herself and her talents and morality, pushing away as much of Kevin as she could. But all of that disappeared the moment she saw him, leaving her paranoid and terrified like she had been the entire 10 years of their courtship, marriage, and separation.

Her scars were never going to heal.

She inhaled sharply, realizing that if she didn't leave the building soon, her next shift was going to start without her getting any kind of sustenance or rest. Girding her loins, Penelope talked herself down off the metaphorical cliff and prayed that she could get through the bullpen without triggering him. She grabbed her coat and wound her scarf around her neck, partially obscuring her face.

And then she made a break for it.

She was almost all the way across the bullpen when she heard it – "Hey, sweetheart, if you're going out for coffee, you wanna grab me one?"

She stopped, mid-motion, right by Derek's desk. She grabbed it for support, drawing strength for a moment before continuing her flight without a word.

Penelope was home before she let herself give in to everything that she was feeling. The peril, the conflict, the pain - And she sent Derek a text: _I love you._ It was the first time she'd even come close to saying the words – even though they weren't really said. But even typing them made her feel better. Because he wasn't Kevin. He wasn't a horror lying in wait for her.

Realistically, she knew that it was the middle of the night and she probably wouldn't get a reply, but it still stung when she waited for a return text and none came. She eat and drank before she cried herself to sleep, trying to at least maintain an air of attempting to be okay to work.

She would have to shut off her sick, petty pain and concentrate on trying to bring justice to the world – even though she couldn't protect herself. From anyone. Least of all, herself.

When the alarm blared in her ear, she startled awake, wondering where she was – she'd spent a few nights in the office, but now it was – she was home and it was weird. She'd managed to make it weird. Her head was splitting and her nose was stuffed up, and then she remembered that she'd been crying hysterically. She was so tired that it took a minute to remember why.

And then she was sitting up, sucking in deep breaths and trying to calm herself. He wasn't coming after her – god willing, he didn't even know she was working for the FBI. Just like she didn't know he was working for the Department of Homeland Security. Suddenly, it all made sense – he had to be in similar trouble, having his accounts seized and – that was the only thing that made sense.

She got up and started pacing, ignoring the insistent blinking of her phone that signaled she had a message. Or two. Or twenty. She felt a fist of dread in her belly, making her sick to her stomach, knowing that there was a chance that one of the messages could be from Kevin if he –

She pushed the phone away like it was a poisonous snake and ran to the bathroom, her stomach exploding in her panic. She didn't make it to the sink in time and she held back another round when she realized that she was going to have to clean up.

She forced the nausea back down into the flaming hell of her stomach and looked into the mirror. She saw the same scared, tiny woman she'd been – and hated herself even more for letting Kevin do this to her. She was so much better than this…

She'd been stumbling by herself for too long, and then Derek had shown her the potential she had – Derek… oh god, he probably thought she was in trouble! She lurched out of the bathroom, fumbling with her phone, getting the message display to come up. 48 new emails, 16 urgent messages – and 2 voicemails. Her hands were shaking when she checked the messages, but her heart soared with relief when she got to her conversation with Derek. _I love you, too, silly girl._ He loved her – and… and… and she loved him. It was time to come clean to herself – no matter of denial was going to change the fact that she had lost the battle and she was as in love with him as she could be.

Both of the voicemails were from him and she felt so much better, so much stronger, just listening to Derek's voice. His farewell on the second message was a soft, gruff, "I love you, Penelope Garcia. And I love your daughter, too – give her a kiss for me."

Penelope resolved to do just that – after she cleaned up the bathroom, took a shower, and ate some breakfast. Lunch. Shit, it was almost 2 o'clock. She needed to be back at the office at 4:30. She flew around the apartment, cleaning up the vomit on the bathroom tile, then jumping into the shower and cleaning up as quickly as she could. Her stomach was still fluttering traitorously, but she managed to keep it in check by sheer force of will.

She was better than this. She had the love of a good man and a good child – and even if she couldn't love herself, she was going to be better for them.

* * *

He was sitting in her office when she got there, his arms crossed over his chest and a disapproving frown on his lips. "Hello, Penelope," Kevin said.

She stopped in the doorway, her heart in her throat. "Get out," was all she could say.

"You think I didn't recognize you last night?" he asked. "I know you better than you know yourself, little girl. The way you walk, the way you carry yourself – there's a reason I fell for you, you know."

"Get out of my office," she hissed, the words low and deadly. "You have no right to be in here."

"Did you really think that I couldn't find you?" he asked. "I've known the whole time where you were, what you were doing – it wasn't so difficult to get caught doing the same thing." He smiled, the action reminiscent of a snake's fangs curling out, ready to strike.

"Do not make me call security," she said, her voice faltering and wavering.

"How is my kid?" he asked, changing the subject completely. "I hope she's doing well – and that she doesn't look like you. It would be really unfortunate to spread yourself out in the world like that – you're not exactly beautiful, especially now that you've become a fat cow."

Penelope's head dipped into a submissive posture, giving up. "She's fine," she whispered. "Eva is fine."

She was nothing – she couldn't even raise anger to combat him. Everything she had fought to regain was gone in an instant when faced with him. This is why she had run, so far and so fast –

He got up and walked up to her. He pulled her in for a kiss, then smiled. "I'm transferring to the FBI when this case is over," he said softly, deepening the kiss and almost making her gag. "Strauss already approved it," he whispered against her lips. "And we can be a family again – you and me… and the brat."

She couldn't believe her ears but she couldn't speak up to protest. Someone, please – please save her. He kissed her one more time, then patted her cheek… but the pat was more like a slap.

"And you better lose weight," he commented. "No one wants to fuck a heifer."

Then he was gone and she was left hemorrhaging every part of herself that had been built up over time. All that was left was the shell he'd created for her. And she felt weak and spineless for not fighting back – but her strength was already gone.

* * *

She couldn't hide all of the bruises or her split lip; god knows she'd tried. Kevin had surprised her at the apartment, bringing dinner and something to drink. She'd known the moment that it kicked in that he'd drugged her food, and she'd been able to do nothing to fight him off. The worst part was that he thought that they were going to go right back to where they were before the divorce – and he had all these plans for her… and Eva.

But when the team called for the daily video chat, she managed to hold it together – by a thread. And it wasn't till JJ said, "Garcia, what happened to you?" that Penelope realized that her world was really going to end.

"I, uh – I had a minor accident," Penelope lied. "My car's a little busted, but I'm okay."

The words tripped off her lips too smoothly. She'd had to say them too many times before.

"Bullshit," Emily said.

Penelope disconnected the call before she had to explain herself. Her phone started ringing and she shoved it away, not even willing to look at it for fear it was Derek. She couldn't take his pity. She couldn't take him anymore – he was everything she couldn't have anymore. She'd already been broken and harnessed and could not break free. A strangled sob escaped her lips, and she threw herself into her work, ignoring everything but the truths in black and white in front of herself. She ignored her weariness and the lingering nausea that she was sure was just her body hating her as much as she hated herself.

He was waiting for her when she got home, exhausted. She didn't fight him, just let him do whatever it took to make him leave. It was just falling back into marriage again, without the ring. And it hurt. So much.

She was never going to shake Kevin Lynch.

* * *

Penelope had done everything she could to keep Eva away from Kevin, but the day came when the team came home and Derek picked Eva up at daycare, bringing her up to Penelope's office. Kevin was hovering over Penelope, his hand hot and confining on the back of her neck as she finished her paperwork – a clear signal of ownership and dominion.

"Mommy, Mommy – Mr. Morgan says we're gonna go have a special dinner!" Eva crowed. "Because we worked a good case!"

"Yeah, we are," Derek said, chuckling.

They came into Penelope's office and her heart stopped beating even as Kevin's hand tightened its grasp. No – no – please god, no –

Eva skidded to a halt and said, "Daddy?"

"There's my little princess!" Kevin exclaimed, releasing Penelope and immediately bounding over to scoop Eva up into his arms. "You're so big –"

The little girl squirmed and squeaked in protest, but remained firmly in Kevin's grasp.

"Get your fucking hands off of her," Derek growled.

Penelope stood up and moved to pry Eva out of Kevin's arms. "She doesn't remember you much," she said quietly to Kevin. "You're upsetting her." She stepped away, holding her daughter and wishing to god she could do something, anything to make it stop. "Derek, this is Kevin… Lynch. Eva's father."

Kevin sneered and looked Derek up and down. "Oh, you're the infamous ladies' man, Derek Morgan," he said. "Stay away from Penelope," he warned.

"Or what?" Derek asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Derek," Penelope said very quietly, "Kevin and I are trying to… to fix things between us." She felt sick to her stomach as soon as the words left her mouth. "I – I didn't want to hurt you," she whispered, blinking back tears.

Derek stared at her like she'd grown a second head. "Penelope –"

"Clooney's at JJ and Will's," she said quietly. "And your things are in Hotch's office."

Kevin's hand clamped possessively on her hip and she winced – the bruises were bone-deep and any pressure at all was almost enough to incapacitate her. "Stay away from my family," Kevin warned. "If you touch either of them, I swear to god, I will –"

Penelope threw him off-guard, kissing him and whispering, "Please don't threaten him. You promised things would be different –"

She bought enough time for Derek to leave. He took her heart with him. And now she was cold.

She sent him one last text message: _I don't have a choice._

* * *

When she came to, Penelope was hard-put to draw breath. Her ribcage felt like it had been smashed, she could barely see out one of her eyes (because it had swollen so much), and she felt hot, sticky wetness between her legs. She moaned and tried to move, but ended up coughing up blood for her efforts. Oh god, not good –

She lay still and listened for signs of life in her apartment, but heard nothing. She struggled to get up, getting dizzy and light-headed as she walked from room to room.

They were gone.

Eva and Kevin were gone.

The son of a bitch took her and left Penelope for dead –

She called all of the numbers she had for Kevin – all of them – but got no reply but save a taunting message that there was nothing she could do.

The pain in her ribs and belly grew and she doubled over, groaning when she saw blood dripping down her legs. "Oh god, oh god, please," she exhaled weakly, dialing the only number she had left.

"What the hell do you want?" came the curt voice down the line.

"Help," Penelope begged, her voice little more than an anguished whisper. "Derek, help – please –"

The world went abruptly black.


	7. Chapter 7

Part seven:

"No," Penelope heard JJ say very softly. "Derek, she's going to be awake any time now – you can't be in here when she wakes up. You're going to trigger her."

Penelope's eyes snapped open and she fought with the oxygen mask on her face, but JJ held her still. "Stop, don't try to talk," JJ warned. "You have a punctured lung and several broken bones in your face, Garcia – stop." She petted Penelope's hands soothingly. "It's okay – you're going to be okay, I promise. You and the baby are both going to be fine," she whispered.

"Baby?" Penelope rasped in confusion, her face contorting painfully.

"You're pregnant," Derek said from the doorway. "And with as far along as you are, it has to be mine."

JJ glared at him. "I told you to get out," she hissed angrily.

Penelope grabbed JJ's arm and dug her nails in. "No – please," she choked.

"Where's Eva, Penelope?" Derek asked.

All of the fight she had left deserted her. "He took her," was all she could muster before she began to cry. Her gasping breaths triggered alarms and several people ran in to shoo JJ and Derek out while they worked on stabilizing her.

They weren't allowed back in the room after that – not for a few days. Eventually, she recovered enough to be able to breathe without assistance, and then they let her co-workers back into her room. This time, it was the whole team.

"How are you feeling?" Hotch asked.

"Better than yesterday," Penelope said evasively. "Better than a few days ago – "

"We need your help, kitten," Rossi said. "We filed a missing persons report for Eva –"

"I filed it," Derek spoke up. He looked terrible – his eyes were sunken, dark circles rimming them, and he looked like the entire fight had gone out of him. "I used that picture you sent me when we were on that case –"

"But we need to know if you might have any idea where Lynch might take her," Rossi said.

Penelope's heart started beating faster and faster, and she licked her lips nervously. "His parents'?" she suggested.

"We've already sent local law enforcement to talk to them," Hotch said, "and they don't know anything."

"They wouldn't, would they?" Penelope whispered. "He's their precious golden boy – their only child. He can do no wrong in their eyes. He would do everything in his power to hide himself from them, hide what he is from them –" She closed her eyes and tried so very hard not to cry. "He's going to sell her. That's the only reason he let me have her in the first place. He planned to sell her to the highest bidder." Her voice cracked and it was all she could do not to lose her shit completely.

"Call Andi Swann," Derek grunted. "Call her NOW –"

"If Eva had been a boy, Kevin would've kept him and raised him to be just like him," Penelope whispered, not daring to look at any of them. "What have I done – oh god, what have I done…"

Even the gentlest of touches hurt, and Derek's calloused palms on either side of her face hurt like a son of a bitch. She started to cry, every breath hurting her more and more till she thought she might just die – and then he spoke. "I love you," Derek whispered. "And I'm going to bring her home – you hear me, Penelope? I'm going to bring our little girl home. No matter what it takes."

"After all I did to you, you're going to –"

"I love you," Derek repeated. "That doesn't just go away. And I love Eva like she's mine. So, yeah, I'm going to find her and I'm going to take great pleasure in making sure that Kevin Lynch goes away forever." She opened her eyes and stared up into his, seeing the truth and determination in them. "And when I bring her home, she's going to be so happy to see you. So don't you dare give up, Penelope – you need to stay strong for Eva's sake."

"I didn't know I was pregnant," she whispered. "I would never have let him – I – Derek –"

"Shh," he soothed.

"No – don't shush me," she begged. "I couldn't fight back – I knew he'd just hurt me no matter what I did, so I went with him, I let him –"

"He forced you," Derek said. "They did a rape kit, Baby Girl. He came up in the database repeatedly – violent assaults, rapes, even a couple of murders."

She blinked at him. "Oh – oh my god – Derek – he's got my baby – NO –"

"If he thinks there's even a chance he can get a fair value for her, he won't harm her," Emily spoke up. "He'll only do that if he's stupid."

"He's stupid," Penelope yelped. "He's already – he's already –" She started to cry then, noisy sobs of a mother who feared the absolute worst had already come to pass.

Derek did his best to calm her, comfort her, but in the end, he just held her and let her weep. "Find her, so I can kill him," he hissed to Hotch.

* * *

Penelope picked up Eva's dolls and put them away in the toy chest, feeling more and more hopeless as she cleaned up the apartment. Six weeks and she'd heard nothing. She wasn't cleared to work yet, so she was stuck at home, trying to undo the physical damage Kevin had wrought in her home.

She'd thrown away the mattress and slept in Eva's room, on her toddler-sized bed because she couldn't bear the thought of being alone in her bedroom ever again. So she clung to the abandoned stuffies and dolls like they were a lifeline.

It wasn't until now that she sat back on her heels, suddenly realizing that Paddington Bear and Jane were missing. Of course they were – Eva wouldn't go anywhere without them! She called Hotch, her voice frantic as she said – "She has her favorite teddy bear and doll, Hotch –"

"Penelope, we're in the air," Hotch said, his voice very low. "We're going to investigate a scene in Oregon. It has similar markers as Kevin's other crimes."

She felt her heart sink into her feet. "Oh god – please tell me it's not her – please tell me it's not my baby," she begged.

"The body is an adult's," Hotch said. "But I can't preclude the idea that he's already –"

"Don't say it," she breathed. "She's a fighter, Hotch – she's going to do whatever it takes to come home to me. I know it. I feel it. Please don't tell me she's dead."

"Just try to rest," Hotch said softly. "It's good for you and the baby."

She sighed and closed her eyes. "Right," she agreed. "Right – because you're going to bring her home. You're going to find Eva and bring her home."

"That's right," Hotch finally gave in, assuring her gently.

* * *

"Shh," Derek said very quietly. "You don't want to wake Mommy up."

Penelope heard a quiet rustling in the living room, then a tiny voice saying, "Why's Mommy sleeping in my bed, Daddy?"

"Shh," he whispered. "You just close your eyes and go to sleep, little miss."

Penelope jolted upright in the bed, stumbling out into the living room, half expecting it to disappear, go away, fade into dust - But there Derek was, tucking Eva in on the couch beneath one of the cuddly throw blankets. "Oh my god," she gasped.

"Mommy!" Eva cried, throwing off the blanket and running over to hug her. "Mommy, I missed you – I love you – I'm never going to be bad again ever, I promise, Mommy –"

Penelope was crying so hard she couldn't see the beautiful little face in front of her. "Oh, sweetheart, I missed you, too – so much," she sobbed, holding her little girl tightly and rocking her. "Don't you ever scare me like that again, baby – not ever –"

Eva traced the yellowed bruises around Penelope's eye and whispered, "You're still owwie, Mommy…"

"Shh, don't you worry about me," Penelope whispered back, kissing her. "I'm so happy you're home –"

"Daddy brought me home," Eva said simply.

Penelope looked up at Derek and smiled. "Yes – yes, he did," she murmured.

"You don't have to worry about Kevin anymore," Derek said.

"Nuh-uh," Eva agreed. "Uncle Spencer took his gun and boom – no more bad daddy." She looked at her mother and whispered, "I love you, Mommy."

"I love you, too," Penelope breathed, holding her tighter. "You should sleep on your bed, sweetheart," she said softly.

"I miss Paddington and Jane," Eva said sadly. "Bad daddy took them and broke them because I was a bad girl."

"We'll go get you a new Paddington tomorrow," Penelope promised softly. "And I'll try to find another Jane, baby. I promise."

Eva hugged her mother tight around the neck. "I love you so much, Mommy," she repeated again.

"It's time for you to go to bed," Derek said. "You're a very tired little girl, Eva."

"I am," Eva agreed, stifling a yawn.

"Then let's go put you in your bed," Penelope murmured, leading her daughter into her bedroom. She tucked her in with Eeyore and Piglet, and gave her a kiss. "I love you so much, Eva Marie," she whispered.

"Night night, Mommy," Eva said, sucking on Piglet's ear like she'd been doing since she was a baby.

Penelope went into the living room and whispered, "How can I ever repay you?"

Derek shook his head. "It's not about getting repaid," he said quietly. "It was about knowing that, without her, you would be miserable. And I love you both."

She took his hand and placed it on the gentle swell of her abdomen. "Derek, we love you, too," she whispered. "And this is your chance to get whatever you want for saving our family. Anything," she promised.

"Penelope, stop," Derek said softly. "I just want you to be happy again. I want to walk in here and know that you love me – that you love our baby, and Eva. I want Kevin Lynch to go away and not haunt us."

"You still want to be with me?" she asked, surprised.

"Penelope, I walked into hell to bring Eva home," Derek said. "Of course I want you, stupid."

She smiled hesitantly, then squeaked a little when he kissed her. She pulled back and stared at him wide-eyed. "I'm not clear for that yet," she protested.

"Then let's go to bed and rest," he invited, pulling her toward the bedroom. Once inside, he flipped on the lights and looked at the wreck of a room. "Holy crap, Penelope –"

"I had to throw away the mattress," she whispered. "And I couldn't clean it up. It hurts so much to be in here for even a minute – I can't – " She backed out of the room, leaving him alone in the room filled with the carnage of the night she'd been raped and beaten within an inch of her life.

He followed her into the living room a minute or two later, and she was curled up on the couch, tangled in a blanket, her face blank as she struggled to fight to stay strong for him. He pulled her into his arms and whispered, "I'm sorry, Baby Girl – I'm so sorry."

She cried herself to sleep, letting go of all the poison, the pain, the suffering –

And she awoke to Eva and Derek making muffins.

Somehow, it would be fine – it would all be fine.

* * *

Eva clung to her new Paddington Bear with a death grip as they walked through the airport. Derek was carrying her – and their carry-on bags – so Penelope wouldn't have to try to lift anything heavier than her purse. "Where are we going, Daddy?" Eva asked.

Derek smiled at her and said, "Well, kiddo, this is Chicago – this is where I grew up."

Eva's eyes widened. "Oh!" she cried. "Can I meet your Mommy and Daddy?" she asked eagerly.

"You can meet my Momma," Derek said softly, "but my Daddy died a long time ago."

Eva frowned. "Oh," she said very softly. "Like my bad daddy."

"No," Penelope said firmly. "Derek's Daddy was a good daddy – he died protecting Derek and other innocent people. Derek's Daddy is nothing like your bad daddy."

Derek smiled and gave Eva a kiss. "You know what? My Momma's going to love you, Eva."

"She will?" Eva asked. "Will she be my gramma? Henry has a gramma and she's really nice –"

Penelope said, "Silly girl, you're asking too many questions – you should just wait and see what happens. You might be surprised."

"Daddy?" Eva asked.

"Yes," Derek said softly, "she's going to be your grandma, Eva. And she's going to love you the moment she meets you."

Penelope sighed, wishing he wasn't getting Eva's hopes up only to have them dashed to bits. Eva still wouldn't open up about what Kevin had done to her during her captivity, but her night terrors were getting worse. And all Derek had told her about the operation was that they had discovered his location and gone in, guns hot. And Reid had taken the kill shot.

She didn't want to raise her own hopes, either.

As far as anyone else was concerned, she was just his mistress – a pitiful piece of shit who happened to be carrying his baby. She wasn't up to impressing his mother or his family, and she certainly wasn't going to be able to keep Eva under control.

But he said he loved her –

Now, she needed proof.


	8. Chapter 8

Part eight:

"It's really, really cold here, Daddy," Eva said, pouting a little.

"Yeah, it is," Derek agreed, shielding her little face from the worst of the wind and blowing snow. "Isn't it great?" he asked with a grin as he carried her up the walk to his mother's house. Penelope wasn't far behind, a heavy scarf obliterating her face so all that could be seen was her eyes and a bit of her forehead. He didn't even ring the bell, just fumbled with a key and got them inside. "Momma – we're here!" he yelled. "You two stay right here and warm up," he instructed. "I'm going to go back out and get the bags."

Eva looked up at Penelope and giggled. "Mommy, you look like you got eatened up by a coat monster," she said, grinning like an idiot.

"Well, I'm cold!" Penelope protested, laughing a little. She was freezing – no matter that Derek had warned them to put on layers, layers clearly weren't enough!

"Maybe you should come sit by the fire," a petite red-headed woman said, coming down the hallway. "Get out of those coats and warm up a little. I'm Fran, by the way – Derek's mom."

Eva thrust Paddington into Fran's hands and started fumbling with her coat's zipper. "You're my gramma?" she asked warily. "Are you old enough to be a gramma?"

Fran chuckled. "You must be Eva," she said, kneeling down on Eva's level. "Derek's told me so much about you, but I didn't expect you to come in with questions like that."

Derek came back inside with their bags, letting in some of the cold, howling wind and snow. "Good thing we're staying for a while," he commented. "It's going to get nasty soon." He set the bags down and moved to hug Fran. He gave her a quick kiss and said, "Hey, Momma – have you met my best girls?"

"I've met Eva," Fran said with a smile, holding up Paddington.

"Hey, give him back!" Eva cried, suddenly on the verge of hysteria. "DADDY! MOMMY!"

Derek grabbed the stuffed bear from his mom's grasp and handed it to Eva, who clutched him tightly, whimpering and crying. "Hey," he said softly, getting down on his knees and enveloping both the little girl and her bear in a big hug. "She wasn't going to hurt Paddington," he promised.

Penelope finally felt like she could move enough to take off her coat and scarf, so she did. Eva pushed Derek away and came over to take her mother's hand. "Mommy, I'm sleepy," she announced.

"Don't you want some lunch?" Penelope asked with a small smile.

"No, I'm sleepy," Eva sighed. "Not hungry."

"Well, then, maybe we should go take a nap by the fire," Penelope murmured, letting Derek lead them into the living room. He got them situated by the fire and tucked them in with an old quilt, then smiled. "Are you two comfy now?" he asked.

"Mmmhmm," Eva mumbled, already half-asleep.

"Good," he said softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. Then he kissed Penelope softly, soundly. "Is your stomach feeling any better?" he asked. She nodded and he kissed her again. "Good – because Mom's making a big dinner tonight before Mass."

She blinked up at him. "Mass?" she echoed.

"Baby, it's Christmas Eve," he reminded her. "We always go to the midnight Mass."

"Oh," Penelope said very quietly. "I haven't been to a Christmas Mass since my parents died. Kevin didn't believe in going to church." She kissed the top of Eva's head and sighed. "Maybe we should just stay here – Eva's going to be cranky that late at night."

"Baby Girl…"

"I'm not saying you shouldn't go," she said. "Just – I'd be more comfortable if we weren't upsetting your traditions."

Derek kissed her hand and said, "I want them to be our traditions."

She looked up at him and murmured, "Do you think Eva will be okay for Mass that late?"

"If she's cranky, we can leave her here with Aunt Cindy – Sarah usually leaves her kids here," he said softly.

"I'mma go," Eva mumbled sleepily.

Penelope kissed her again and murmured, "Go to sleep, sweetheart… we'll talk about it later."

Derek and Penelope shared a quick kiss, then he retreated from the room so they could take their nap. Penelope startled awake when Eva started squirming and crying in her sleep. "Shh, baby, shh, Mommy's here," she whispered sleepily. "It's okay – Mommy's here."

Eva sprang awake and stared at her mother for a long moment before she said, "I'm hungry, Mommy."

Penelope nodded. In the two weeks since Eva had been home, every time she awoke from a traumatizing dream, she said she was hungry. Even in the middle of the night. "Okay, sweetie – let's go see if Mrs. Morgan has anything you can eat for lunch," she agreed, kicking the footrest down and stretching the kinks out of her back before she rubbed her belly. "I'm kind of hungry, too," she confessed.

Eva nodded and took her mother's hand, looking around the house as they walked to the kitchen. "Mommy, who's that?" she asked, pointing at a picture on the wall. "Is that Daddy?"

"I don't know, sweetie," Penelope said honestly. "Maybe you should ask him."

"Daddy, Daddy!" Eva cried.

"I'm in here, kiddo," Derek called. They came into the kitchen and he said, "That was a short nap –"

"I didn't sleep good," Eva said, frowning. "And I'm hungry."

"Well, I can make you a sandwich," Fran said. "Do you like egg salad?"

Eva shook her head. "Don' like eggies," she said. "You have cheese? I like cheese –"

"Eva, don't lie to Mrs. Morgan," Penelope said softly. "You like eggs."

Eva shook her head and didn't back down. "I hate them, Mommy! They make me sick!" she shouted, stomping her foot furiously on the linoleum. "I eat eggies and get pukey –"

"I have cheese," Fran spoke up, trying to avert the incoming implosion.

Penelope held up her hands in surrender. "Okay," she said, "no more eggs –"

Eva calmed down almost immediately once the issue wasn't being forced. "Bad daddy made me eat them," she finally said very quietly as she watched Fran make her sandwich. "A lot. And if I got pukey, he spanked me –"

Penelope's hand clenched into a fist over her heart and she swallowed hard. "No more eggs," she promised. "I'm sorry –"

Eva looked up at her and said, "Is tomorrow Christmas, Mommy?"

"Yes, tomorrow's Christmas," Derek said with a smile.

Eva looked over at him. "Will Santa Claus know where to bring Mommy's and my presents?" she asked worriedly. "We didn't leave him a note, Daddy –"

"Oh, Santa knows you're going to be here," Fran assured her with a smile as she set down a plastic plate with a perfect cheese sandwich – no crusts – on the table. "Derek sent him an e-mail this morning before you all got on the plane."

"Oh, okay," Eva said. Penelope lifted her up onto the chair. "I just want him to know where Mommy is 'cause Santa didn't come for Mommy last Christmas. He forgotted her, but I got Jane and a lot of books. And it's not fair he forgotted Mommy."

"Oh, believe me, Santa did not forget me," Penelope said with a chuckle. "My present from Santa was seeing your face when you hugged Jane for the first time."

Eva smiled up at her mother. "But will Santa bring you something nice this time, Mommy?" she asked.

"Stop worrying about me, silly," Penelope scolded, "and eat your lunch."

"What about you, Penelope?" Fran asked. "What would you like to eat?"

"I'm really not that hungry," Penelope said, sitting down at the table anyway. Derek shot her a pointed look, but she shrugged it off. She wasn't – she still had a touch of lingering nausea from the flight and didn't want to try to put something on her stomach if it wasn't calm.

"Mommy, have this," Eva said, waving half of her sandwich in the air. "Eat it! You didn't eat breakfast."

Penelope sighed and took the sandwich. "Between you and Derek," she said, rolling her eyes. "I swear, I'm in love with my jailers –"

"Eat it, Mommy!" Eva ordered. "Omnomnom, it's nummy!"

"I can see that," Penelope commented dryly. "Polite young ladies chew with their mouths closed," she reminded Eva gently. Eva scowled, but her lip smacking and open-mouthed chewing stopped. Taking that small victory, she took a bite of the sandwich and Derek's hand possessively rested on the back of her chair.

"I thought we could go out after lunch," he said softly. "I've got to make a trip to the bank and to pick up a couple last-minute things."

Penelope looked over at him and raised an eyebrow. "And what about Eva?" she asked.

"Oh, don't worry about Eva," Fran said with a smile. She sipped her coffee. "I'm sure she and I can find something to do."

Eva blinked and said, "Does that mean you're my gramma?" Her tone was wistful and hopeful at the same time, like it was all she wanted in the world.

Fran looked to Derek for confirmation, then nodded and said, "Yes, Eva, I'm your grandma."

Eva's smile was so radiant Penelope thought she might be blinded by it. "Mommy, can you tell Santa not to bring anymore presents for me?" she asked anxiously. "I got a gramma – it wouldn't be nice to get more than that. I don't want him to think I'm a bad girl –"

She couldn't help it; her daughter's words brought Penelope to tears. "Oh, sweetheart," she whispered, "Santa doesn't think you're a bad girl. No one thinks that you're bad – no one."

Eva looked up at her mother and all but jumped into her lap. "Mommy, don't cry – I didn't mean to make you cry! I'm sorry – I love you, Mommy – I'm sorry –" She used her chubby little fingers to wipe away Penelope's tears, frowning when they still flowed. "Mommy…"

"I'm sorry, baby," Penelope whispered. "I'm so sorry." She hugged her little girl and closed her eyes. "I love you, too. So very, very much."

"Are you and Daddy gonna get gramma a present?" Eva asked, changing the subject and trying to distract her mother so she'd stop crying.

"They already did," Fran said with a smile. "They brought you to me, kiddo."

"Daddy, you should get gramma choclits," Eva said sagely. "Choclits are very special."

Derek chuckled and winked at his mother. "Okay, I'll go find my Momma some very nice chocolates, Eva," he agreed. "Are you two going to be okay by yourselves for a while?"

"Yes," Eva chirped. "You gonna take care of Mommy and not make her cry more?" she shot back.

"Of course," he replied. "Isn't that right, Penelope?"

She smiled hesitantly. "Yeah," she agreed.

* * *

They'd stopped at the bank and Penelope had waited out in the car for the fifteen minutes Derek's errand had taken. Then they'd gone shopping, picking up loot for his niece and nephews, his sisters, mom – hell, everybody. She'd held back, admiring a few things but passing them up in favor of cheap trinkets for Eva and her stocking.

But as they passed by one of the display cases at one of the jewelry stores, she stopped dead in her tracks. The beautiful diamond bracelet was far more than she could ever think of affording, especially now. She admired it for a moment before she turned away. "Baby Girl, you want to try it on?" Derek asked.

She shook her head. "No – I don't… I don't need it," she said quickly.

"But you want it…"

"Derek, it's okay," she assured him. "I don't need it, really. It's just pretty." She patted his chest and smiled. "Besides, where would I wear it?"

He smiled and pulled her close for a kiss. "How about in bed?" he teased. "Along with those stockings – and nothing else."

She blushed and admonished, "Derek, we're in public!"

He gave her a kiss that was a little less than decent – but she didn't help matters by returning it. And then he was tugging her inside the jewelry store to look. "I want to get Momma some earrings," he said. "Why don't you pick some for me?"

"I don't know that I'm the best person to pick something for her," she protested. "I barely know her – and it's –"

"Why don't you just look?" he asked. "Maybe something will speak to you."

Fifteen minutes later, she'd fallen in love with a ring that she couldn't keep her eyes off of – and she felt horribly guilty for even drawing Derek's attention to it. "Can we just go?" she asked. "You want to get her those solitaire earrings and let's just go home, please – I'm getting tired."

"Okay," he said softly. "You want to go sit down out there and wait for me? I'll just pay and we'll go home, okay?"

She nodded and kissed him on the cheek, then went to sit on one of the benches not too far away. She resisted the urge to call Fran and make sure that Eva was behaving and just concentrated on trying to relax a little. She hated that she couldn't breathe deeply enough to calm her nerves, but then Derek was by her side again and calming her with his very presence. She didn't know how to deal with family – it had been so long since she'd had one to deal with. And when it was just her and Eva, it was easy to deny herself things in the name of making her daughter happy. But this?

They passed the bracelet again and she felt a pang of longing deep in her gut, but she buried it and tried to put it out of her mind. She didn't need diamonds – hell, she didn't need anything but him. And Eva.

When they got in the car, she fought with the seatbelt and started to cry. When Derek asked her what was wrong, all she could do was blubber something about hormones and being tired. She couldn't tell him the truth – that she was crumbling around the edges because of a stupid bracelet. And a stupid ring – and stupid things that didn't really matter.

It was too soon for him to want to marry her, anyway – and why would he want to? She wasn't a good housekeeper, she spent too much time encouraging Eva to reach for the stars, she couldn't cook unless the recipe was written down to the letter, and she hated cleaning the bathroom so much that she'd considered hiring someone to do it for her. Why would he want to marry her? She was only good in bed – and even then, she failed on so many levels that it was pathetic.

He'd get tired of her and leave – and then she'd have two children and her heart would be shattered – broken, bleeding…

The drive back to Fran's was silent, aside from the radio. It was just as well.


	9. Chapter 9

Part nine:

"Mommy, there's pie!" Eva gasped as though she'd never seen this much food in one place before. Which wasn't so – she'd been to a few potlucks… not many. "Can I have some?" she asked.

"Are you going to finish the rest of your dinner?" Penelope asked with a tiny smile.

Eva contemplated for a moment, then said, "But it's Christmas! Can't I just have pie?"

Sarah laughed and said, "Gee, Derek, have you been rubbing off on your girlfriend's kid?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Derek said, feigning innocence as he scooped up a slice of cherry pie for Eva.

"Thank you, Daddy," Eva said sweetly.

"Oh, ho, the plot thickens!" Desiree laughed. "Is Mr. I'm Gonna Be Single Forever finally going to settle down?" she asked, winking at Penelope. "Has he finally been wrangled in by a little kid?"

"Hey, leave me alone," Derek said, leveling a fork in his sister's general direction. "You're the one who can't get a decent date on a Friday night. Don't mock me for wanting to stay in and cuddle with my girls."

Penelope looked over at him, speechless, and he just smiled. He reached over and squeezed her hand, a tiny reassurance. No one had commented about her not saying much, nor had they really tried to draw her into the conversation – except Derek and Eva.

"Mommy, are we goin' to church?" Eva asked, licking cherry pie filling off her lips – and completely missing the mess that stretched from ear to ear.

"Do you want to go?" Fran asked.

"I've never gone," Eva said.

"You would have to sit and be good," Penelope said softly. "And listen quietly."

Eva contemplated that for a moment, then said, "Oh. I don't want to go, then." She slurped pie off of her fingers and went back to work eating.

"So, I guess that means you're staying with her?" Fran said. "There's always room for more, Penelope –"

Penelope sighed and said, "I haven't been to church since my parents died. Hell, I haven't even talked to god – except when Eva was missing." She poked at her food and frowned. "And all I did then was beg. God and I aren't on very good terms at the moment."

"Sounds like you and Derek are pretty well matched in that regard," Sarah said.

"What do you mean 'when Eva was missing'?" Fran asked.

"Momma, not now," Derek said.

Eva tried to wipe her face, but the paper napkin stuck to the pie filling and made a bigger mess. "Mommy, where's the wipies?" Eva whined.

"What do you mean, not now?" Fran demanded.

"My ex-husband took our daughter and held her captive for several weeks doing god only knows what while we looked for her," Penelope said, getting up from the table in search of something to clean Eva up with.

"Momma, I said not now," Derek said in a voice that reached the kitchen. "I meant it. Okay?"

Eva was already borderline ready to throw a tantrum when Penelope got back with a wet dishrag. "Okay, little miss, no more pie for you," Penelope murmured. "Why don't you go play with the other kids in the living room?"

"I think they're playing video games," Sarah spoke up.

Once Eva was cleaned up, she grabbed Paddington and ran out of the room.

"I'm sorry, I'm not very hungry," Penelope said. "I think I'm going to go lie down a while."

Derek pushed his plate away and got up, but she waved for him to stay put. He refused, coming over and putting his arm around her waist. "Baby Girl, are you okay? Did we overdo it earlier with the shopping?"

"I'm just tired," she sighed. "It's been a long day."

"Yeah, it has," he agreed. "You want me to walk you upstairs or –"

"No, I'm okay," she murmured, giving him a quick kiss.

She was most of the way down the hall when she heard Desiree's voice rise. "So, what, does she think we're not good enough for her? Is that why she just took off like that? We worked hard on the food, Derek – and your girlfriend didn't even say thank you."

Derek's voice rose in response. "Desiree, get the hell off your high horse. The last few weeks have been hell – for all of us – and if Penelope isn't feeling up to dinner, that's that. Grow up."

"She's got you wound around her little finger! What, does she have a golden vagina or something?"

"Desiree!" Fran cried, then the argument continued at a lower volume.

Penelope pulled her cardigan tighter around herself and ran up the stairs, feeling like she was disrupting everything. Everyone loved Eva and hated her – how could she have done such a good job with her daughter and been such a train wreck herself?

She curled up under the covers, facing away from the door. And let her thoughts run wild.

She didn't really register when it got really dark, or that it was later than she thought it was till Derek came into the room to change. But what surprised her was that he didn't change for church – no, he stripped down to his skivvies, then put on a fresh t-shirt and flannel lounge pants. "Hey," he said softly. "Eva's already asleep – she's so excited for tomorrow that she wore herself out."

"Why aren't you going to church?" Penelope asked, her voice a little hoarse.

"Baby, nobody's going," he said. He pulled the curtain back and she couldn't even make out the outline of the neighbor's house a few yards away through the blowing snow. "We're just going to hunker down for the night and hope that everything's okay in the morning."

"Oh," she murmured.

"You okay?" he asked softly. "I mean really – none of the bullshit you're gonna try to pass off on Momma."

Her heart buckled under the strain and she finally shook her head, the tears escaping without her consent. He was under the covers with her in an instant, pulling her close and holding her while she tried to regain control. "I just – " She could barely speak.

"Shh," he whispered. "It's okay."

"No, it's not – you don't deserve this," she whimpered. "You're a good man, Derek Morgan, and you don't deserve to deal with my problems over and over and over again because of choices I've made –"

"Yeah, I do," he murmured. "It's called love, Penelope."

He tangled their fingers together and held them up so she could see. "How can you love me now?" she whispered, her voice cracking. "After everything Kevin did –"

"You can't keep blaming yourself for Kevin's failings," Derek said. "Kevin is dead. And if you keep molding yourself the way he tried to, you're only going to hurt yourself more. Aren't you tired of being hurt, Baby?"

"I don't remember the last time I wasn't hurting," she confessed, looking deep into his eyes and finally going for broke. "Except when I'm with you – you… you make me feel… everything."

"That's love," Derek said earnestly. "I don't want you to feel pain like Kevin made you," he whispered, his tone low and grave. "I want you to be happy because you want to be happy. I want you to love taking Eva to the park and not worry about looking over your shoulder because you think something horrible is going to happen. I want you to understand what it means to be loved, Baby Girl, because no one's ever shown that to you." He released her hand and reached up to stroke her cheek, wiping away her tears. "I love you. I knew the moment I met you that you were going to be part of my life – I just wasn't expecting you to be my everything," he whispered, his confession ragged and raw.

"I don't know how to love you back," she whispered.

"Just… just let me in," he said very quietly. "Tell me what's going on in your head so I can help take it away. Let me help you. Let me love you, Penelope. Please."

"I don't understand why you would want to love me –"

"It's not a want," Derek murmured, his voice firm and commanding. "It's a need, Baby Girl. It's like needing to breathe. It's like needing to get up in the morning and go to work. If you left, I would be a broken man. I'd have to come find you."

"Love is scary," she whispered. "Because people always leave –"

"I won't," he promised.

"Derek – I don't want to hurt you –"

"When you hurt, it hurts me," he whispered, putting her hand on his heart. "I just want to help you."

She sighed and closed her eyes, trying to will herself to believe him – but she had lingering doubts that couldn't be silenced. "Derek," she murmured, "I'm sorry I'm not perfect. You deserve perfection."

"Why?"

"Because you are perfection," she whispered. "And I can't –"

"I'm not perfect," he said, laughing. "Baby, I'm as broken as you are. But you make me want to be a better man because I'm supposed to take care of you – and Eva, and our little squirt…"

"Our little squirt is getting bigger," she pointed out, "and I won't be able to hide it soon."

"So don't hide," he said softly.

"Yes, but what are people going to think about –"

"I don't care," he said firmly. "We're in this together, Penelope. And other people don't count. All that counts is us."

"Us," she echoed. "You and me –"

"And Eva and Squirt," he added.

She smiled a little. "Us sounds like a fairy tale…"

"Us sounds like a family," he said.

"Yeah," she agreed. "A family – it's been a long time since I've really had one of those."

"Penelope," Derek murmured, his voice low and tender, "do you trust me?"

"Yes," she whispered. "More than I trust myself."

He leaned in and kissed her very gently. "I love you, Penelope Garcia. I love you so much that it hurts," he whispered back. "You and Eva are the best things I've ever had wander into my life. I never thought I'd meet someone and fall this hard. I never thought I would love someone as much as I love you. And that's the truth."

"I love you, too," she breathed, loving how close they were at that moment. He was chasing her demons away, and she was holding on to a dream that suddenly seemed attainable –

"And I don't want to let you go," he said, the words hesitant, halting in his throat as he spoke them. "I don't want the world to come between us, Baby Girl –"

"It won't," she promised.

"No, please, Baby, let me –" He inhaled deeply, then said, "I love you more than I have any right to love another person. You think you're damaged goods? Not even. I played the field because I didn't want anyone to get so close to see me for the scared little boy I was inside. But I met you and – and you made me better, Penelope. You've made me a better man because I'm not just thinking about myself now. I want the world to know what you've done – I need –"

She kissed him and murmured, "You don't have to tell me how you feel. I know."

He squeezed her hand and said, "Then will you say yes?"

"To what?"

"Will you and Eva move in with me?"

She blinked. "Well, yes –"

"And will you marry me?"

She stared blankly at him. "What?"

"I said –"

"I heard you," she said.

"Did I stutter?"

"I just thought you had a momentary flash of stupidity," she confessed. "Why would you want to marry me?"

"Why wouldn't I want to marry you?" he asked.

She paused, taken aback by the question. "Because I'm not good enough –"

"Says who?"

"I say so –"

"And I say you're a liar," he said very softly. "Because if you're not good enough to marry me, how can I be good enough to marry you?"

"Marriage is big and scary and you lose parts of yourself," she whispered. "And I can't lose anymore –"

"Your relationship with Kevin wasn't a marriage," he said firmly. "It was him dominating you and holding you back. I'm not going to make that mistake, Baby. I only want you to be happy – and for Eva to be safe."

"It's too soon," she whispered. "I can't – I'm scared, Derek."

He released her hand and got up out of bed. He went to the dresser and pulled a small box from one of the drawers, then came back to bed. He held it out to her and said, "This ring has been in Momma's family since before they came over from Ireland in the 1700's. It's been passed down through the firstborn all that time, and…" He exhaled and said, "It's time to break the tradition." He opened the box and let her see the plain silver band with its single piece of faceted onyx. "Will you keep this as a token of my love?" Derek asked. "And, maybe, if you ever… if you feel ready, maybe you could wear it." He held it out to her. "But hold it safe for Eva. Because I'm going to try to be the best dad for her –"

She was speechless. Utterly dumbfounded. All she could do was stare at him and blink once in a while.

"Baby, say something," he pleaded.

Everything in her was screaming that she should run the other way as fast as she could – it was so fast, so soon… But it all felt so right. She cleared her throat, then whispered, "Yes – Derek – yes. I trust you – I'm trusting you not to hurt me more."

"What?"

She exhaled and murmured, "I'll marry you."

"Are you sure, Penelope?"

She nodded, leaning in and kissing him. "I'm sure," she whispered against his lips.

He was suddenly grinning and she said, "What?"

"The most beautiful woman in the world just said she'd marry me," he said with a chuckle. "I can't believe how lucky I am."

"You're silly," she accused. "By the way, where is Eva sleeping?"

"The kids are all sleeping on air mattresses in Momma's room," he said, chuckling. "Were you worried she was going to be in here and –"

"No, I just wasn't sure where she was," she said. "And god knows I need to keep her close."

"Momma won't let anything happen to her," he promised. He slipped the ring onto her finger and smiled. "It looks right at home –"

"I love you," she interrupted. "And I'm sorry I've been bad company today."

"You haven't," he denied. "At least not for me."

"I really loved that bracelet," she sighed. "But I didn't want to justify it."

"I know," he said. He kissed her and whispered, "Don't forget that Santa's coming tonight, though."

She rolled her eyes. "Derek –"

He chuckled. "So that doesn't work on grown women?"

"No," she said pointedly. "Just kids."

"Well," Derek said, "Santa brought you to me."

She raised an eyebrow. "You're crazy."

"Crazy in love, Baby Girl – crazy in love."


	10. Chapter 10

Part ten:

Penelope opened her eyes to see Eva standing beside the bed, her eyes wide. "Mommy, are you awake?" Eva whispered. "It's Christmas."

Penelope closed her eyes and reached out to grab the little girl. She hauled her up onto the bed, tickling her gently as she squealed and kicked and giggled. "Oh, you," Penelope laughed. "Have you already been downstairs to see if Santa came?"

Eva giggled and shook her head, hugging her mother and snuggling in her arms. "Gramma told me to come wake you and Daddy up, but Daddy's already awake."

"Oh he is, is he?" Penelope asked with a smile. She kissed Eva's cheek. "I love you, monkey," she murmured.

"I love you, too, Mommy – can we go downstairs?" Eva asked.

"Of course we can," Penelope murmured, giving her another kiss. "Do you need to go potty first?"

"Nope," Eva chirped. "I already did."

"Well, I do need to go potty," Penelope said, "so when Daddy gets back from the bathroom, you can go downstairs with him."

"Okay!" Eva agreed, hopping down from the bed and smiling as she held Paddington. "I like having a gramma, Mommy."

"Good," Penelope said. "Because she's going to be your grandma for a long time."

"Good!" Eva cried.

"What's good?" Derek asked, coming back into the room.

"Gramma's gonna be my gramma forever and ever and ever," Eva said, twirling around with Paddington in her arms. "Just like you're my daddy for goods."

Derek scooped her up and grinned. "I'm very happy to be your daddy for goods," he said. "And I'm very happy you're my little girl, Eva – and nothing is going to change that."

"Do you love my Mommy, too?" Eva asked, concerned.

"I love your Mommy more than all the rainbows and kittens in the world," he said firmly. "More than all of the candy and –"

"More than pie and Santa Claus?" Evan asked, her eyes wide.

"Yes," Derek murmured.

"Oh," Eva said. She smiled over at Penelope and said, "Mommy, Daddy loves you a lot."

"I know he does," Penelope murmured as she got up and wrapped up in her robe. "And we're going to be a happy family, aren't we?"

Eva paused, then looked at Derek quizzically. "Daddy, does this mean you're going to sleep with Mommy all of the time?" she asked. "And we'll all live in the same house?"

"Soon," Derek promised.

Eva's eyes widened and she squeaked, "MOMMY – did you hear that?"

Penelope smiled and said, "Yes, I did, sweetheart."

Eva looked at her teddy bear and said, "Paddington, this is the bestest Christmas EVER."

"Come on, you," Derek said, bouncing her on his hip. "Let's go downstairs and get some juice. Baby Girl, you want anything to drink while we open gifts? Momma's made coffee and there's juice and wassail and some non-alcoholic egg nog –"

Penelope felt green at the very mention of egg nog. "Orange juice," she said, clutching her stomach as she lurched toward the bathroom.

As they passed by, Penelope heard Eva say, "Mommy gets sick a lot in the morning. I bring her crackers. Does gramma have crackers, Daddy?"

"Mommy's going to be fine," Derek promised.

Penelope got her nausea under control and went to the bathroom, then made her way downstairs. "Hey, everyone's here now," Sarah said with a smile. "Who wants to help Nana pass out presents this year?"

Her kids started fighting for the honor, but Desiree stepped in. "Oh no, it's my turn," she said firmly. "And that means stockings first."

"But they don't have stockings," Georgie said, pointing at Eva and Penelope, pouting. Her brothers nodded their agreement.

"Oh, but they do," Fran said, gesturing at the stockings hanging from the mantle. "Look – Santa's elves were nice and brought them from their house."

"Then why do they look like ours?" Brandon asked.

"That one has my name on it," Eva said excitedly, looking up at her mother in wonder. "Santa knew I'd be here!"

Desiree got up and took the stockings down, handing the kids theirs first, then passing around the adults' stockings. Penelope was surprised that hers was heavy – and full. Derek smiled as Fran gave the signal and everyone started tearing into their goodies. The air was rife with kids squealing and –

"Mommy, mommy, lookit!" Eva cried, holding up a little jewelry box. "It's so pretty! Is it really for me?"

Penelope opened the box and smiled when she saw a little chain and pendant that she'd been eyeing at the jewelry store. Derek clearly had better taste than he'd let on. "It's really for you, sweetheart," she promised. "But you have to be very careful with it."

Eva nodded and said, "Did you tell Santa I like hearts, Mommy? 'Cause I didn't."

"Santa knows everything we want," Penelope said softly, closing the box and handing it back to her daughter. "Now, go look at your other things –"

"What about you, Mommy?" Eva asked. "You gonna look at yours?"

"You first," Penelope said.

Eva pawed through her stocking, coming up with several books, a little box of chocolates, a Hello Kitty doll, and an apple and an orange. "Mommy, Mommy, Santa got me Wizard of Oz!" Eva squealed excitedly. "Can we read it tonight?"

"Absolutely," Penelope said with a smile.

"Now you," Eva said pointedly, poking at her mother's stocking. "There's lotsa stuff in there."

"Okay, okay," Penelope said, taking out the first thing – a little bag of candied almonds. Once the dam was broken, she took out thing after thing – from a troll doll to fuzzy pens to a USB drive in the shape of the pig from Angry Birds. Down in the very bottom of the stocking was a little box.

She pulled it out with shaking hands and opened it, smiling over at Derek. "You are insane," she said very quietly.

"Yeah, well… I saw it and thought of you," he said, pulling out the ring and slipping into onto her finger. "Because every girl needs a real engagement ring." The diamonds sparkled in the sun streaming in from the windows. "Do you like it?"

"Holy crap, you're getting married?" Sarah asked from the other side of the room. "When did that happen?"

"I asked Penelope last night," Derek said. "And she said yes."

"That's wonderful!" Fran exclaimed, coming over to kiss Penelope and admire the ring. "Welcome to the family, such as it is –"

Eva grabbed Penelope's hand and looked at the ring. "It's sparkly," she said, "but not like the one bad daddy gave you."

"No," Penelope said softly, "not like that one. This one is real and it means so much more."

Eva nodded and said, "Daddy loves you."

"Yes, I do," Derek said, holding Penelope's hand and smiling.

"Okay, okay – so, there are lots of presents under the tree," Fran said. "And we usually pass them out one at a time."

"But since we have so many people," Desiree said, "Mom and I are going to pass one out to everyone and go from there."

Before she knew it, Penelope had a lap full of things – gift cards and things for her computer and workstation and a little clay plaque that had Derek's handprint and then Eva's handprint inside his that made her cry in front of everyone. Her hormones were all over the place…

And then Fran opened her present from Derek and Penelope.

"Oh my god, is this what I think it is?" Fran gasped.

"If you think that's your first picture of your grandbaby, you bet," Derek said with a small smile.

The floodgates opened and Penelope and Fran were both crying. God knows Penelope didn't know why she was crying – there was no reason for it –

"MOMMY, MOMMY!" Eva shrieked, starting to bawl herself. "MOMMY, SANTA CLAUS BROUGHT ME JANE! I GOT MY JANE BACK – MOMMY!" She was clinging to the doll's box like her life depended on it – and Penelope cried harder. It had taken her days of looking on eBay before she'd found it and had it rush delivered to Fran's for Christmas. And it was worth every moment of the agonizing wait to see Eva ripping the box apart like a crazed child.

"Here, let me help," Derek said, getting down on the floor and assisting Eva in freeing the doll from the packaging. "You really missed her, didn't you?" he asked softly.

Eva looked up at him and nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks and a smile on her lips.

Derek hugged Eva and gave her a kiss. "You take very good care of her," he said softly, "because she missed you, too."

Eva clutched the doll to her chest and ran over to Penelope, crawling up onto her lap and snuggling up. "Hey," Penelope murmured, smiling.

"I don' want no more presents," Eva whispered. "I don't deserve them – I've been a bad girl –"

"No, you haven't," Penelope whispered. "You've been my very brave good girl. And I love you."

Eva sighed. "But –"

"No buts, little miss," Penelope murmured, kissing the top of her head. "Whatever your bad daddy told you, it wasn't true. I love you so much I could burst –"

"But you and Daddy are going to have a baby," Eva said.

"Yes," Penelope said. "But that doesn't change how we feel about you. Not ever. You are my brilliant, brave, sweet little girl – and I love you so much."

"Mommy, Santa brought me Jane back," Eva whispered. "And she's all new and better and not broken –"

"I know, princess," Penelope murmured.

"But she doesn't have a Mommy sweater," Eva said. "Will you make her one?"

"Absolutely," Penelope breathed.

"Can I pick the colors?" Eva asked, running her fingers through the doll's hair.

"Of course."

"Thank you," Eva whispered.

Desiree came over with a little box and said, "Can you open it with her on your lap or –"

"Do you want to help me open it?" Penelope asked, taking the box. Eva held out her hand and she and her mother tore off the paper together. Penelope opened the box and gasped. She stared at Derek for a long moment, then closed the box. He leaned in and kissed her, though the top of Eva's head kind of got in the way. "You are too good to me, Derek Morgan –"

"Nothing's too good for the mother of my children," he said softly. "Do you want to try it on now?"

"Later," she murmured. "With those stockings – in our bedroom."

"Do you want to open another present, Eva?" Fran asked. "This one is from me –"

Eva's eyes widened. "Gramma, you're giving me something, too?" she asked. "But Mommy and Daddy and Santa already gave me so much –"

"Go open it," Penelope said softly, setting her back down on the floor.

Eva went across the room to Fran and accepted the box. She opened it and said, "OH! Gramma! How did you know I wanted these shoes?"

"Because your Daddy told me," Fran said with a smile. "I got them a little big so you can grow into them."

"Thank you," Eva said, hugging Fran tight. "Thank you, gramma – this is the best Christmas ever!"

"You keep saying that," Fran said with a smile. "And we haven't even had breakfast yet."

"What's for breakfast?" Eva asked.

"Blueberry pancakes and all kinds of things," Desiree said.

"Can I help?" Eva asked. "Mommy and Daddy let me help make stuff."

"Don't you want to finish opening presents?" Fran asked.

Eva gaped at her. "There's MORE?" she said in disbelief.

"What did you get for Christmas last year?" Fran asked gently.

"Jane – and a new dress – and a box of crayons," Eva said, looking over at her mother. "But we didn't have very much monies and –"

"Eva, this is from me," Desiree said, handing her a package.

Eva paused, then tore it open. "I – I love this book!" she said. "Mommy got it for me at the liblarbly and I was really sad when we took it back," she added with a smile as she clutched the copy of Jane Eyre. "Is it really for me?"

Desiree nodded and smiled. "Can you do me a big favor?" she asked.

"Yes," Eva said firmly.

"Can you call me Aunt Desi?"

Eva nodded, her smile widening. "Yes, Aunt Desi – thank you!"

"You wanna carry this over to your mom?" Desiree asked, handing her another small package.

Eva trotted over and thrust the package into her mother's hands. "Mommy, this is from gramma," she said. "I read the label," she whispered, smiling.

Penelope laughed and patted her on the head. "You're so silly," she said softly.

"Open it, Mommy – open it," Eva insisted.

Penelope opened it and gaped at Fran. "I can't accept this – it's too much," she said.

"That," Fran said, pointing, "is the present Derek's father gave me for Christmas the morning before Derek was born." She smiled and continued, "Now shut up and try it on."

Derek helped Penelope put on the pearl necklace with the carnelian cameo, and Fran nodded. "It's perfect on you, Penelope – it deserves to be worn, not sit around collecting dust in my jewelry box. And James and I decided a long time ago that it should be a gift to the woman lucky enough to hold onto Derek's heart. That's you, honey."

Eva came over and looked at the necklace and smiled, touching each pearl, then said, "Mommy, that's pretty. Is all this really for us?"

Penelope choked back her tears and nodded. "Yes, baby – all of this is for us," she whispered.


	11. Chapter 11

Part eleven:

Derek was sitting in bed with the sports page, and Penelope smiled a little and closed the door – locking it behind her. "Hey," she said softly, trying to get his attention.

"Hey, gorgeous," he replied, still buried in the paper. Even though it was Christmas, he was obsessively reading about his precious Chicago teams.

She undid the knot on her robe, letting it slide to the floor with an audible whumping noise. She licked her lips nervously, then said, "So you don't like it?"

"Like what, Baby?" Derek inquired, finally dragging his eyes away from the paper. "Oh – oh my –"

She smiled a little, blushing under his scrutiny. Her fishnet thigh-highs fit like a second skin, ending in bows at the top of her thighs, right under her butt. Her lace boy shorts were almost too small already – and she knew she was spilling out on all sides of the matching bra… but it was all worth it for the look on his face. And she knew he hadn't noticed the bracelet yet.

"I'm going to have a hard time covering this up when we get home," Penelope confessed, caressing her abdomen. It had happened abruptly – when she'd gotten up this morning, she still barely had more than her usual curve. And now, it looked like the baby had grown as soon as the secret had been revealed. "Maybe your mom and I should go shopping before we go home?"

He licked his lips and swallowed hard. "Are you trying to talk to me about sensible things when all I want to do is rip that off you and –"

She took a step toward the bed and he all but flung the paper at the wall. "Yes, because I'm going to have to borrow some money –"

"I'll come with," he said eagerly.

"You're volunteering to go shopping with me?" she asked worriedly. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Hey, as long as I get to see you try things on –"

"Derek, that's naughty," she protested, blushing and standing stock still. "We have to behave –"

"Why?" he asked with a grin. "We're going to get married – we're already having a baby. There's not much more naughtiness we can get into right now. Except for the part where we're going to have sex at my Momma's –"

She flushed from head to toe, feeling pleasant tingles prickling her skin. "Oh, good – because I was worried you'd be turned off…"

"Why would you think that?"

"Because it's your Mom's house," she said simply.

"Oh, believe me, having sex in my Momma's house is not a problem," he said with a grin, "so get that sexy ass over here before you freeze it off, Penelope." He patted the bed beside him and smirked. "By the way, have I mentioned how much I love you today?"

"Only all day long," she murmured, joining him on the bed. It was only moments before she couldn't help but kiss him. "You've been so sweet to me all day," she whispered between tender, hungry kisses. "And I love you, too –"

"Shh," he said softly, letting his fingertips roam over her bare skin, drawing goose bumps and shivers of pleasure out of her. He smiled and murmured, "Wanna have some fun, Baby Girl?"

"I always have fun with you," she replied.

"Are you trying to butter me up, sexy lady?" he teased, hooking his thumb into her panties and tugging them down over her hip. "Because it might be working."

She smiled and leaned in to kiss him. She never got over how good he tasted, and she hoped that she never did – because the taste and smell of him, all hot, male, and wanting, was thrilling and deeply emotional for her. And he was a hell of a kisser. He managed to make her toes curl and her body heat up without even really trying. And she loved knowing that this was the way it was supposed to be between lovers.

As they kissed and his hands ran over her ribs, she threw her leg over his, pulling him closer. She moaned, letting him take the lead. She was much more comfortable letting him take charge of their lovemaking – because he seemed to know what she wanted more than she did.

He rolled her onto her back, kissing and caressing her the whole time, then he pulled back and smirked. "Baby, you are busting out all over," he chuckled.

"Maybe you should help get me out of this bra," she encouraged breathlessly, sitting up so he could unhook the bra. They worked together to get it off – and then he flung it into the corner with no regard for it. He dove straight into her cleavage, nipping, sucking, licking, and making her cry out in delight. "Oh!"

He grinned up at her lasciviously before he worked his way down her torso. He growled like a predator, nipping, kissing, playing off the noises she was making in the back of her throat. And then he yanked her panties off, flinging them in the same direction as the bra. Before she could protest – or even comprehend entirely what was happening – he was kissing his way up her thighs. She wanted to make him stop – but if she didn't trust him enough not to hurt her…

She inhaled sharply and reached down to stroke his bald head, encouraging him to continue. She was terrified, but she was going to let him enjoy himself.

"Relax," he said softly, tickling the inside of her thigh with his breath. "I'm not going to hurt you, Baby Girl – I'm going to make you very, very happy… and you're going to feel very good."

"Promise?" she breathed.

"I do promise," he said. "And if you don't love it, you tell me and I won't do it again." He moved her hand from his head, bringing it to his lips for a kiss. "I love you, Penelope Garcia," Derek said very softly and very earnestly.

"I love you, Derek Morgan," she whispered.

"Will you do me a favor?" he asked. She hesitated a moment, then nodded. "Will you show me how you touch yourself when you think of me?" Derek asked. "Show me how you get off –"

"You want me to masturbate?" she asked.

"Just a little – just to show me how you like to be touched," he said softly. "So I won't hurt you…"

She hesitated for a moment, knowing that she'd be exposing her most private self to him – but wouldn't he want to see that eventually anyway? It wasn't that she was proud of her masturbating techniques or anything… but they were tied tightly to her most private fantasies. The things she couldn't even bring to admit to herself that she really wanted from him.

"Baby, I'm not going to –"

"I know," she croaked. "But you can't – you can't make fun of me."

"Why would I?" he asked, hurt. "You bringing yourself pleasure turns me on, sweetheart – it's a guy thing. We're hard-wired for sex and pleasure and – hell, would you make fun of me for jerking off in the shower thinking about you?"

"No," she whispered. She licked her lips and said, "Okay – I'll do it… for you."

"Good girl," he said softly. He moved away from her, sitting on the far corner of the bed in his boxers, just watching her. "Will you tell me what you're feeling?"

She exhaled and nodded. "Yeah – okay – yeah…" She paused, then licked her pointer finger. "God, this is so weird for me –"

"Just relax," he whispered. "Relax and feel for me, Baby."

Penelope closed her eyes and began to touch herself. She could feel him watching her, could feel him encouraging her, and she felt a little dirty and wrong – but in a good, hot way – when she found just the right pressure and place near her clit. Her lips parted and she let out a low, breathless moan as her fingers moved faster.

And then she was coming, fast and hard. She was shaking and breathless when she drifted down from her high, but he moved close and gave her a tender kiss, bringing her back to reality. "God, that was hot, Penelope," Derek whispered. "Is that what you do when I'm gone?"

She blushed and nodded, breathing shallowly and feeling her heart thunder in her ears. "Yes," she exhaled weakly.

"Good," he said with a smile. "You always feel like that?"

"I want to –"

"Baby?"

"Yes," she breathed. "I never – I never did this before you."

"Not ever?" he asked, blinking.

She shook her head. "No. Because he didn't like it," she said very quietly.

"You don't have to worry about him ever again," Derek reminded her gently.

"I know," she whispered.

He kissed his way down her body, pausing for a long moment, hovered over her abdomen. "Hey there, little one," he whispered. "You're going to be such a lucky little boy or girl – because your Mommy and I love you very much."

"Derek, don't make me cry," Penelope whimpered.

"Okay," he replied, continuing his downward slope. It wasn't long before she was whimpering for another reason – begging him not to stop – pleading that he let her come. Derek was worlds away from the trauma that Kevin had inflicted on her so long ago – he was incredibly adept and practiced in the art of pleasure. And she was so grateful it was making her sob with delight –

And just when she was about to come completely undone, Derek pulled away and she was left suddenly bereft. But just as she was about to protest, his lips and tongue were replaced by the bit of his anatomy that she loved most – beyond his heart. She panted and drew her knees up to accommodate him better, taking him deep in two thrusts. "Fuck," she exhaled, meeting his kisses hungrily, with great delight as they moved together. The mattress springs squeaked under the strain, and she knew that probably the last time this bed had seen any action was when Derek was in high school…

He slowed and flipped them so she was on top. He leered up at her – love-drunk and blissfully strung out – his hands landing on her hips and guiding her. It took a moment for her to get her bearings, but she loved the way he felt inside her as she started to move. She dug her nails into his chest, listening to his breathing change into ragged inhalations that made her want more – more – everything he could give her. She whimpered and moaned, closing her eyes and riding him for all they both were worth.

And when they both came – it was explosive.

But, then again, they were always on fire.

Penelope collapsed atop him, momentarily exhausted. "Oh my," she exhaled, her body still clenching and trembling – as it would for a while to come. Her aftershocks lasted longer than the main event – especially when he was still buried deep inside her like he was.

"Baby, you okay?" Derek asked, rubbing her back. "Breathe, Penelope – breathe –"

She inhaled deeply and kissed him soundly, leisurely. "I love you so much," she breathed. "Please don't let me forget today – and don't let me take it for granted. Not you, not your family, not any of it."

He continued to rub her back, comforting her. "I love you," he replied. "And I won't let you take anything for granted – I promise."

"Do you like the bracelet?" she asked, wearily holding out her wrist.

"I definitely like it better on you without the silly lingerie," Derek teased. He kissed her again. "But the stockings can stay."

"They tickle," she commented, wriggling. He started hardening again – and she smiled. "Oh, hello, sailor –"

"Woman, don't make me take you over my knee and spank you," he growled.

"Will you spank me?" she replied.

He raised an eyebrow. "Penelope…"

"Or are you just threatening me?"

He scowled at her. Then he reached out and squeezed her ass hard, grinding her against him. "I love your ass too much to do it any kind of damage," he snarled.

She smirked. "I thought so," she teased.

"You're going to pay for that," he growled, rolling them over and starting to thrust again. She whimpered and met his kisses with abandon. It was hard, fast, and rough – but not so rough as to leave damage beyond a few hickeys and love bites. And she was okay with that.

Much later, she awoke from a nightmare – but Derek was there. And she was damn glad that she didn't have to face things alone anymore. She cuddled up against him and closed her eyes, feeling his arms tighten around her in his sleep.

And it was good.


	12. Chapter 12

Part twelve:

"Mommy, when can I go to real school?" Eva asked as they stepped through the scanners.

"You have to be six," Penelope replied, smiling. "You really want to go, don't you?"

"I'm five now," Eva said with a sigh. "It's too long to get to six, Mommy –"

"Yes, I know," Penelope murmured. "You have to wait a whole year because you just turned five."

"It's not fair," Eva protested.

"I know," Derek said, coming through the other scanner and picking Eva up. "But you've already tested past kindergarten, so they want to put you in first grade –"

"Fourth," Penelope corrected.

He blinked and said, "Okay, they want to put you into the fourth grade – but they want you to be a little bigger before they do."

"Oh," Eva sighed. "But I won't be that much bigger when I'm six, Daddy."

"Maybe not physically," he said, "but you will be wiser and sweeter and such a bigger person when you're six." He smiled and gave her a kiss. "Won't she, Mommy?"

"Absolutely," Penelope agreed. "Though it will be a very hard thing for you to accomplish, Eva, because you're already very wise, very sweet, and such a good, generous, giving little girl already."

"I'll work hard, Mommy," Eva promised, squeezing Jane – who was her constant companion. Penelope had made the doll a new sweater in the last two weeks she'd had off from work… in and among the moving of their things from the apartment to Derek's house. That hadn't been difficult – most of the furniture had been left behind since it was Goodwill cast-offs anyway – and their personal belongings were relatively few. Eva's boxes had fully outnumbered Penelope's doubly.

Today was Penelope's first day back. She wasn't looking forward to it – the inquisition, the stares, the whispering behind her back… The BAU alpha team already knew she was pregnant, that the baby was Morgan's, and they were willing to stand up and fight to defend them if it came to that. But that didn't mean that everyone else wouldn't be in full-on gossip mode.

Especially now, when it was very obvious that she was pregnant – almost six months in, and she was definitely bigger than she'd been with Eva. Though that wasn't hard… Derek kept her well-fed, well-sexed, and incredibly happy. He never criticized her weight, never told her to eat less, and treated her like a wanton goddess in the privacy of their room. All of which was a direct opposite of how Kevin had behaved when she was pregnant. All of the poisonous wounds were beginning to heal over, finally.

"Daddy, put me down," Eva said. "I'm five years old – I can walk by myself."

Penelope stifled a laugh. "Derek, you better do as she says," she teased.

Derek merely scowled at her. "I didn't get to carry her as a baby," he said, "so why can't I now?"

"Because I'm a big girl and can walk," Eva sighed. "Please put me down, Daddy – but you can carry me when we go home because I'll be tired then."

Derek set her down on the ground and she immediately took his hand. "Now, you know you have to behave today," Derek said, "and that –"

"Daddy, I know, I know," Eva sighed. "No picking fights and no telling boys that they're stupid and –"

Penelope stifled a laugh. "God, I hate to think about what's going to happen when you're a teenager, monkey," she said softly, ruffling her daughter's hair. "Daddy's going to have to carry his gun all the time."

"Why?" Eva asked, blinking up at her.

"Because all the boys are going to want to go out with you," Derek growled. "And I'm going to have to shoot them."

Eva frowned. "But I only like Henry," she said. "He's not a stupid stinky boy like the rest of them. He's very nice and so are his mommy and daddy."

Penelope held back a smile – she would definitely have to tell JJ about this, if for no other reason than to keep the kids from sneaking off and kissing and things. Because the last thing they needed was the two of them showing each other their private parts and going from there – like little kids were wont to do. "Henry is a very nice boy," she agreed, "but Daddy's still going to shoot him."

"Damn straight," Derek growled. "You're not allowed to go out with boys or sleep with them till you're eighteen, young lady."

"That's a very long time from now," Eva said softly. "Will I still like Henry then? Because I'd like to be friends that long."

Derek sighed. "Damn it, Penelope, why does she have to be so much like you?" he asked.

"Is it bad to be like Mommy?" Eva asked worriedly. "I love Mommy –"

"No, it's not bad," Derek said hastily. "Not at all –"

"Bad daddy said it's bad to be like Mommy," Eva said. "That it's bad to be loving and giving and weak. But Mommy's not weak – she's really strong."

Penelope swallowed hard and said, "Kevin was a very bad man. And he lied to you, Eva. He lied to both of us – a lot."

Eva looked up at her and whispered, "He was a very bad man, but he was my Daddy, wasn't he?"

Penelope nodded and sighed. "Helping me have you was the only good thing he ever did," she said very softly. "Because you are the light of my life – and your Daddy's life, too. But you wouldn't be here without Kevin."

Eva paused, then nodded. "But he didn't love us, did he? Not really."

"No, not really," Penelope whispered. "But Derek does –"

Eva smiled up at Derek. "Yes, Daddy loves us," she agreed, squeezing his hand.

"We're going to be late if we don't hurry," Derek said as they got on the elevator. "You ready for day care, little miss?"

"I have books in my backpack," Eva said, "and I have Jane. I'm ready."

Penelope nodded. "You'll be fine, Eva," she promised. "And if you get upset or miss me too much, you can have Mrs. White call my office."

Eva nodded and said, "I always miss you, Mommy."

When the elevator stopped, they got off and Penelope knelt down to give Eva a kiss. "Be my good, sweet girl," she whispered.

"I will," Eva agreed.

"Daddy's going to take you inside," Penelope said, nodding. "Okay? And I'll pick you up."

"And can I help Daddy take Clooney on his walk tonight?" Eva asked.

"Of course," Derek said.

"Okay," Eva chirped, dropping Derek's hand to wave at her mother as they went down the hall and disappeared into the day care. Derek came back a couple of minutes later to find Penelope wiping her eyes and trying not to cry more.

"What's wrong?" he asked, pulling her close. "Baby Girl –"

"She's so big," Penelope whimpered, "but I still remember when she was born and she was so tiny – she was so little, Derek, and they were scared she wasn't going to make it because she was so little. But she fought and fought and…" Her voice cracked, but she refused to cry again. "God, I'm going to cry buckets when she goes to school, aren't I?"

"Trust me, you aren't going to cry as hard as I am," he said. "What is it about you two that makes me go from big strong mean FBI agent to soft, squishy love-bug?" Derek asked. "I can't fight it – god only knows what's going to happen when our baby's born…"

Penelope chuckled and kissed him, taking his hand. "We're both going to cry a lot," she murmured. "Let's go to work now."

* * *

Unfortunately, the team was called out on a case. Another bad one, from the looks – and sounds of it. Penelope was in for long nights and crazy days again. Fortunately, by the time they got back, she'd gotten used to taking cat naps and escaping to the doctor's office on her lunch break for her appointments.

She was waiting in Derek's office when they got there. "They said you got shot," she exclaimed, rushing over to him. "I thought they meant shot with – but no, shot with bullets and –"

"Baby," he whispered, pulling her close, "I got shot in the vest. All I've got is bruises."

"But you were shot!" she yelped. "And I thought you were going to die and – and – what about us? What about Eva and the baby and Clooney and me – " She was in hysterical tears at that point. "What about our little girls – if you die, what's going to happen to our girls?"

He stared at her. "Baby, when did you find out we're having a girl?" he asked, his voice cracking.

"Today!" she sobbed. "And all I can think about is something happening and you dying and just us being left and – I can't do it, Derek – I can't do this alone!"

He cupped her face in his hands and whispered, "You are not alone, Penelope – you are not alone. I'm not going anywhere. I promise, Baby Girl – I promise. I would never leave my girls alone. Not you, not Eva, not this little one," he insisted.

She was just blubbering at that point, so upset – and she'd been holding it back all day ever since JJ had texted her in the doctor's office. "But – but you got shot – with bullets –"

He released her and tugged his shirt up so she could see the bandage wrapped around his torso. "Penelope, I'm fine," he assured her. "It's just bruises, Baby. I promise."

She reached out to touch the bandage hesitantly, tears still streaming down her cheeks. "But –"

"No buts," he whispered. "I'm okay."

She just stared at him for a long moment, then grabbed him and pulled him down for a hungry, deep, passionate kiss. "Don't you ever – EVER – scare me like that again," she demanded. "Not ever – do you hear me, Derek Morgan?"

"I hear you loud and clear," he said, kissing her back and pulling her flush against him and the desk. "Loud and clear – where's Eva?"

"In my office, coloring," she panted, moaning softly. "It's time to go home – isn't it?"

He smiled and grabbed her ass possessively. "You wanna go home, Baby?"

"Yes – I want to go home and make sure that you're not lying to me!" she exclaimed.

Eva's chubby little face appeared in the doorway. "Mommy, Daddy, are you in here?" she asked. "I'm tired of coloring – can we go get supper? And go home?"

Derek laughed and released Penelope. "Yeah, sounds good to me, kiddo," he agreed. "You want pancakes?"

"Yes, please!" Eva cried. "We always get pancakes after you come home! I love pancakes!"

"Then get your coat and backpack and Jane," Derek said, "and we'll go get supper." Eva tore out of the room, and he gave Penelope another kiss. "And then you and I are going to go home and when she's asleep, I'm going to show you just how fine I am, Penelope Garcia."

"Oh, I can see for myself how fine you are," she said pointedly. "It's your health and well-being I'm worried about, Daddy –"

"Do you have a picture of our little girl?" Derek asked.

"Yes," she said, "and you can have it as soon as you show me your bruises."

"Did you just say that you think I'm fine?" he teased, grinning at her.

"You know I think you're fine," she protested softly. "Stop being an ass –"

"I've missed you," he said firmly. "A lot. And I was only gone for a week and our little girls are both getting so much bigger…"

Penelope groaned and sighed. "I know," she said. "This one's kicking now, and Eva thinks it's fun to talk to my belly and wait for the baby to kick."

Eva came back with her stuff, and said, "Mommy, Daddy, why aren't you ready yet? Aren't you hungry?"

Penelope laughed and said, "Okay, okay, let me go get my stuff."

When she came out to the bullpen, Derek was getting Eva zipped into her coat and was talking quietly to her, and Eva was nodding a lot. "Yes, Daddy," she said as Penelope got close.

"Are you two conspiring against me?" Penelope teased.

"Daddy just says that I have to be really gentle because the baby's so little," Eva said cheerfully. "Can we go get pancakes now, Mommy?"

"Absolutely," Penelope replied.

"Can Uncle Spencer and Aunt Emily come with us?" Eva asked, batting her eyelashes at her mother. "Daddy and I already asked them – and they said yes, if it's okay with you…"

Penelope laughed. "I knew you two were up to something," she said.

"So, can we?" Reid asked as he and Emily joined them.

"Sure," Penelope said with a smile. "As long as you don't touch my belly. I'm already having to beat people off with a stick."

"Well, that's because you have such a cute little baby bump," Emily said with a grin.

"Little?" Penelope scoffed. "There's nothing little about this baby."

Derek grinned at her. "Except she's my little girl," he said with a chuckle.

"I'm your little girl," Eva protested.

Derek scooped her up and set her on his shoulders. "Damn right you are, Princess," he agreed. "And so is the baby. Mommy found out today that she's a little girl – you're going to have a sister."

"I'mma have a sister?" Eva echoed. "Oh. Will I have to share my toys with her?" she asked anxiously. "She can't have Paddington or Jane –"

"No," Penelope said, "no one is taking Paddington or Jane from you, sweetheart."

"Promise?" Eva whispered.

"I promise," Penelope said gravely, firmly.

Eva blinked and nodded. "Okay – okay… Mommy, can we go eat? My tummy's grumbly."

"Yes, Princess, let's go," Derek said, bouncing her on his shoulders. "Let's make your tummy stop rumbling."

* * *

Penelope was just getting Eva down for the night when Derek returned from his run with Clooney. "Shh," she whispered, "she just finally went to sleep." She left the door open so the dog could go in and curl up at the foot of Eva's bed where he'd decided it was his spot, then she pulled it closed so there was just a crack.

Derek smiled and gave her a kiss. "I'm going to take a shower," he said softly. "We went for ten miles, so I'm a little sweaty and gross."

"Just a little?" she teased.

"Hey, now, don't you start," he chuckled, squeezing her hand and heading to the bedroom. She went back downstairs and loaded the dishwasher, then threw the laundry in the dryer and went to sit on the couch to watch something she'd DVR'ed.

The next thing she knew, she was waking up as Derek lifted her from the couch. "Come on, sleepy Mama," he murmured. "Bedtime…"

She whined and leaned into him. "I don't want it to be bedtime," she mumbled. "Because I haven't seen my Hot Stuff in a week and I'm horny…"

"You're tired," Derek said firmly.

"And you got shot," she said, waking up a little more. "You shouldn't be carrying me – you got hurt, Derek –"

"Oh hush," he said, "I told you I'm fine."

"Put me down!"

He closed the door with his foot, then tossed her onto the bed. "There you go," he said to her resounding pout. "Hey, I just did what you wanted –"

"Yeah, but you're over there now," she sighed, frowning.

He laughed. "Are you trying to seduce me, Miss Garcia?"

"Is it working?" she asked, stifling a yawn.

"Not really," Derek replied with a grin. "Now get your pajamas on so we can get some sleep. We've got tomorrow off, so we don't have to go into the office. We can just sit around and talk about the baby's name and go do some baby shopping…"

Penelope had to admit that his version of tomorrow sounded damn good – and she was worn out from the preceding week's long hours. She got up and changed into her pajamas (such as they were now, completely unsexy and more for function and warmth than anything else), then crawled under the covers. "I'm fond of Leslie and Amy," she said softly as she snuggled into him.

"What about Andrea or Janice?" he asked.

"Have you ever thought about what you'd name a little girl?" Penelope asked softly. "Or have you always pictured yourself with a son?"

He smiled and rubbed her back, feeling the baby kick against his side. "I never really thought about having kids," he admitted. "Because I never found the right woman… till now. And you've already given me the most precious daughter I could ever have wanted – so I don't know what we're going to name our new little girl."

"Eva's named after my mom," Penelope whispered, inhaling the scent of his skin deeply, resisting the urge to lick him. Only just, though.

"Yeah, no little kid should be named Frances," Derek said, chuckling. "Or I'd say we should name her after Momma –"

She nodded her agreement and closed her eyes. "I missed you," she whispered, her hand splaying out possessively over his abs. "You didn't flirt with too many other girls while you were gone, did you?"

"Not a one, Baby," he whispered. "I just wanted to get home to you."

"Good," she murmured sleepily. "Rose?"

"Huh?"

"The baby – Rose?"

He kissed the top of her head and whispered, "I like that – Rose Morgan."

"She likes that, too," Penelope mumbled, "'cause she just stopped tumbling around."

Derek rubbed her belly and said, "There's my little Rosie." The baby kicked once, then settled down. "Yeah, she does like it."

Penelope just barely heard him as she drifted off to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Part thirteen:

"Mommy, can I wear my sparkly tennis shoes?" Eva asked, twirling around in her new dress. "Please?"

Penelope stifled a laugh and glanced at Fran. "What do you think?" she asked.

"Well, a little bling never hurt anything," Fran said with a smile.

"I guess you can," Penelope said, smiling down at her daughter. "Are you going to be good today?"

Eva sighed. "Mommy, I'm always good," she said. "But sometimes, I'm being good at being bad." She ran around in a circle, then flopped down on the floor and tugged her tennis shoes on over her tights. "You look funny, Mommy."

Penelope sighed and looked at Fran. "Do I really look that bad?" she asked anxiously.

"Absolutely not," Fran said firmly. "You look beautiful."

"I look like a whale," Penelope whimpered. "Derek's going to –"

"Hey, stop that," JJ interjected. "Derek is just as worried about looking good for you as you are for him – Rossi just texted me and said he won't stop pacing."

Penelope sniffled and swallowed hard. "Really?" she whispered.

"Yeah, really," Emily said. "Hey, Evie, you wanna come with me and get some juice? You want anything, Penelope? You haven't eaten breakfast and you're looking a little pale."

"Mommy needs granolas and juice," Eva said. "Let's go get them, Auntie Emily." She grabbed Emily's hand and dragged her out of the room.

"I'm scared," Penelope confessed as soon as she was alone with JJ and Fran. "I'm scared that I'm not enough for him – why would he want me so much? What if he realizes that this is all a mistake?" She choked back a little sob and closed her eyes. "God, I'm not supposed to think about this right before my wedding, am I?"

JJ put her hands on Penelope's shoulders and murmured, "Derek has never been in love with anyone but you, sweetheart. Not in the whole time I've known him – he worships the ground you and Eva walk on. He's not going to think any of this is a mistake, Penelope. He loves you and you love him. Isn't that enough for both of you?"

"If I give him everything," Penelope whispered, "if I let him in and love him like I should… what happens when I break? When I've given him everything I have and I've got nothing left to give? What then? He's going to hate me and it's going to hurt so much –"

"Did you love the rat fink like you love Derek?" JJ asked softly.

"No," Penelope whispered.

"Then stop it. Stop punishing yourself for that shit-fucker's failings," JJ said firmly. "He hurt you, he broke you, but Derek put you back together with bubblegum and duct tape and kisses, right?"

"Right," Penelope exhaled. She wiped her eyes and mumbled, "Fran, I'm sorry – I want to marry him, I really do – "

"Fears are fears because they aren't rational," Fran said softly. "Like JJ said – you've been hurt. Badly. But my son has tried to help."

"I love him so much," Penelope confessed very quietly. "So much that I wonder if he knows how much."

"He knows," Fran whispered. "Believe me, he knows. He called me before you got up and asked if you'd slept well last night or if he needed to come up and check on you…"

Penelope laughed and swiped at her eyes. "Oh god, because he was just downstairs and – Fran, were we stupid to have the wedding here?"

"No," Fran said firmly. "This house is your home and you're sharing your home and your special moment with your friends and family. It was not stupid to want that."

Penelope inhaled shakily and whispered, "I want him to be happy."

"He is," JJ said.

"I – god, why did I agree to get married again?" Penelope whimpered. "There's so much pressure –"

"There is no pressure," JJ said firmly. "He wants to be able to take care of you and the kids legally, Penelope. This is the easiest way for him to do it. He's not trying to pressure you into something you don't want."

Penelope exhaled shakily. "I don't know that I can do this –"

JJ whipped out her phone and dialed Derek. "Hey, it's me," she said. "Your fiancée is freaking out up here. You're probably going to have to break tradition and get your ass up here."

Emily and Eva came back into the room with glasses of juice and a box of granola bars. "Mommy, drink this and eat something," Eva said firmly. "You'll feel better so you can marry Daddy."

"I'm too nervous to eat anything," Penelope said, putting both hands on her rather large baby bump. "Rose is going crazy in here."

"Because you're upset and stressed out," Fran sighed.

There was a knock on the door and JJ went to answer it. "Derek, she's really upset," she said quietly. "Want us to give you the room?" Within moments, she was shooing everyone out – including Eva, who was protesting.

Derek put his hands on Penelope's shoulders and whispered, "You look amazing, Baby – except for all the tears. Why are you crying?"

"What are you doing in here?" she asked, leaning back into him. "It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding –"

"JJ said you were upset and freaking out," he said softly, letting his arms snake possessively around her. "And she wasn't lying – talk to me, Penelope. What's wrong?"

Her heart clenched and she whispered, "When I did this before, I wasn't scared – I just wanted it to be over. Now… I'm terrified that you're going to wake up and realize you've made a mistake in marrying me and I don't want that to happen. I don't want you to get hurt –"

"Baby Girl, love is the bad with the good," he whispered back. "And I'm ready for all of it. I've never felt this way about anyone – and I'm not letting you go just because you're scared. Hell, I'm scared that I'm going to wake up some day and my girls are going to be gone because you got spooked and ran."

"Marriage is terrifying," she admitted. "Because you give and give and give – and I don't know that I have that much left to give. Kevin took it all."

"Then we're going to have to redefine marriage for you," Derek murmured, holding her tighter and letting his hands wander gently over her belly, trying to calm their unborn child. "Because marriage isn't just giving, Baby – and if it ever becomes that way for us, you have license to shoot me. What Kevin did to you wasn't marriage. It was slavery and abuse. Period. The last few weeks, has that felt anything like before?"

"No…"

"We're already practically married, Penelope," he pointed out. "We live together, do the laundry together, yell at the dishwasher together when it doesn't wash the dishes correctly… we take showers together to save on water –"

She blushed and murmured, "Oh, you would bring up the last one, wouldn't you –"

"I missed my morning shower with my sweetheart this morning," he said, kissing her temple. "I just want the piece of paper that says I'm your husband and what's mine is yours – in case something happens."

"It's all about the piece of paper that says I'm yours?" Penelope whispered.

"Penelope Garcia, if you change your name or anything else about you – it wouldn't be us," he whispered. "I just want you and the girls protected if something bad happens to me. Okay? You don't have to take my name. You don't have to change a hair on your beautiful head. I love you. I love you so much it hurt like hell last night to know that I couldn't just come upstairs and hold you."

"I slept with Eva last night," Penelope admitted. "Because I was lonely."

"I was just downstairs on the couch," he reminded her with a small smile.

She sighed. "I know, but –"

"Did I mention I love you?" he whispered.

She nodded and exhaled weakly. Her stomach was still fluttering and the baby was reacting to his soothing presence, settling down and relaxing. "I love you, too," she whispered back.

"So let's go get that piece of paper so we can go back to normal," he murmured. "I've got a surprise for you tonight…"

"I don't like surprises," she said automatically, abruptly. "Surprises are bad."

He exhaled, the wind leaving his sails for a moment. "Well, Momma's going to watch Eva tonight and we've got a very nice hotel room to escape to," he said. "No more surprise now."

She blinked. "Why did you just –"

"Because you don't like surprises and I didn't want you to get upset thinking about all the bad things it could be rather than knowing that it was good," he said. "Baby… this is us. I know you're hurting, and I know you're still bleeding from what Kevin did to you. But I'm going to do my best to make it better."

She looked into the mirror and saw them for the first time as what they were – desperately in love, a family, together… She put her hands on top of his on her belly and whispered, "If I live in fear, he wins, right? So… I shouldn't give in."

"Baby Girl, I can't make that call," Derek said softly. "He hurt you to a point where you had to have changed fundamentally who you are to accommodate him. You're the only one who can break free of that – and I can only help you with baby steps."

She nodded and whispered, "Getting married isn't a baby step."

JJ knocked on the door and poked her head inside. "Rossi's priest friend is getting a little nervous that we're going to call things off –"

"No," Penelope said sharply, standing up abruptly, almost whacking Derek in the chin with the top of her head as she sprang up from the chair. "No – the wedding isn't off." She grabbed the bouquet of flowers that was on the bed and said, "It's on like fucking Donkey Kong, Jay-je."

Derek raised an eyebrow. "Is there something you want to tell me, Baby Girl –"

"Oh," she said, grabbing his arm and smiling. "I used to play a lot of video games – before Kevin." She said, "Are you ready to get married, Hot Stuff?"

"Absolutely," he replied.

The ceremony was quick and without bells and whistles – they didn't trade vows because they didn't want to put constrictions on the fledgling marriage before it was even official. And they'd already declared their love so many times behind closed doors that it just didn't seem necessary. No one objected to their union – and Eva just watched them raptly as they traded rings. The kiss at the end of the ceremony was almost chaste – almost – till Derek took matters into his own hands.

Then it was borderline indecent and they pulled apart to see JJ covering Henry's eyes, Fran covering Eva's eyes, and Hotch covering Jack's eyes. "Okay," Rossi said, clearing his throat a little uncomfortably. "Are you guys done now?"

"Man, we're just getting started," Derek whined, grinning at her. Penelope chucked the bouquet into the crowd – and it landed in Reid's lap. She laughed and gave Derek a quick kiss, then watched as he went over to scoop Eva up. "Hey, kiddo," he said with a smile. "You wanna help me give Mommy her present?"

"Yes, Daddy," Eva said. Derek plucked an envelope off the table of gifts and walked back over to his wife. "Mommy, Daddy has a present for you."

Penelope accepted it with trembling hands – and burst into tears. Happy tears choked her up as she read the heading "PETITION FOR ADOPTION". "Derek, Hot Stuff – " she choked out.

"I want Eva to be mine," he said softly, kissing the little girl. "She should be a Morgan, not a Lynch. Not anymore."

"I would be Eva Morgan?" Eva asked excitedly.

"If your Mommy agrees," Derek said softly, "we're going to file the paperwork to make me your real daddy."

"I agree," Penelope whispered tearfully. "You have no idea how much I agree."

"Good," Derek said, pulling her close and giving her a kiss.

"Daddy, why do you and Mommy kiss so much?" Eva asked.

"Because we love each other," Derek said simply. "Now, you wanna go play with Henry and Jack?" Eva nodded, so he set her down so she could scurry off. "Baby, you look shocked –"

"I am," Penelope whispered. "I didn't know you – you were going to do that –"

"Why wouldn't I?" he asked with a smile. "Eva's my little girl, just as much as Rosie is. I want it to be official – no more Kevin Lynch."

JJ interrupted with a well-placed clearing of the throat. "Don't forget you guys need to sign the marriage license," she teased. "Otherwise, it all means nothing."

"Right," Penelope said, looking around for it. Fran held it out – having already secured witness signatures and the signature of the priest. Penelope signed it with a flourish, then handed Derek the pen. He paused for a moment, then smiled and signed it.

"I don't think I've ever been this happy," Derek confessed, squeezing Penelope's hand.

"Okay, lovebirds," Rossi said, "can we eat lunch now? I got this shindig catered, so –"

Penelope blushed and said, "I am hungry…"

"Of course you are," Hotch said. "You're eating for two."

It all seemed so easy and carefree – Derek's family and their BAU family all together in the backyard, having a party. Penelope milled around, accepting congratulations and comments about how the baby clearly was going to take after Derek because she was so large. And so on. It wasn't exactly that she was a bad hostess – but she really wanted to escape and spend some quiet time with Derek.

But she knew that wasn't going to happen when Hotch disappeared for a while, then came back to talk to JJ. And before she knew it, he was calling the BAU into the living room to go over the details to a new case that wouldn't wait. Even for one night.

"Hotch, is there any way I can catch a flight later?" Derek asked.

"Morgan, I'm sorry –"

Penelope gave Derek a kiss. "Go," she said softly. "We've got the rest of our lives. There are people out there who aren't going to have much longer if we don't catch this freak. So get on that jet and don't worry about us. We can get away later."

"Baby Girl, it's our wedding night –"

"Yeah and look at me," she pointed out with a laugh. "I think we skipped a few rungs in the middle of the ladder there, bucko. Go grab your go-bag and I'm going to get ready to go to the office."

"Mommy, Daddy, can Henry and Jack sleep over?" Eva asked, bounding into the living room. "Gramma says it's okay if you think it's okay –"

"That solves a couple of problems," JJ said.

"It's fine with us," Derek said.

"Yay!" Eva shrieked, running back into the yard.

"I'm a little scared for when she gets really excited," Reid commented dryly.

"You and me both," Penelope said, sighing. Derek hugged her around the shoulders and gave her a kiss. "Well – I guess thank you all for coming to our wedding, but duty calls. Let's go catch a baddie."


	14. Chapter 14

Part fourteen:

"Mommy, why are we taking Daddy's car?" Eva asked. "We always take Esther!" Penelope finished strapping her into her car seat and kissed her cheek.

"Because," Penelope said, "we're going shopping when I get done at work. And we need somewhere to put all the stuff." She smiled and gave Eva another kiss. "Besides, I miss Daddy – and his car makes me feel like he's here."

"That's silly, Mommy," Eva said, kicking her feet out and sighing. "I miss Daddy, too – when is he coming home?"

"As soon as we catch the bad person that's hurting people," Penelope promised. "That's why Mommy has to work late most days. But tonight, I'm going home early and we're going to go get some new stuff for you and Rose."

"Rose already has more stuff than me," Eva complained as Penelope got into the driver's seat and adjusted the seat for her increasing girth. "It's not fair."

"Rose is a baby," Penelope said gently. "She needs diapers and wipes and sheets and all kinds of things because she's going to need changed all the time –"

Eva sighed. "It's still not fair."

Penelope glanced in the rearview mirror. "I had all kinds of stuff when you were born, too," she said softly. "Not as much as I have for Rose – but that's because of other things."

Eva pouted. "Not fair, Mommy."

Penelope said, "Why don't we make a trip to the bookstore tonight? I'm sure you'd love some new books –"

Eva was still pouting, but she said, "Okay," in a sullen tone.

Penelope rolled her eyes and sighed. She hooked up her iPod and plugged it in, flipping to the 'gonna catch baddies' playlist. Eva started nodding along to "Knights of Cydonia" and drumming her little fingers on her car seat.

It still bothered Penelope that her daughter was five and hadn't graduated to a booster seat, but it was because she was still so small. She probably wouldn't be as tall as her mother, and it wasn't like Kevin had won a height prize, either. So, in the full car seat Eva remained. They had one tucked into each car – hers and Derek's – so no matter who was driving, she would be safe.

They pulled out of the driveway and headed toward the FBI complex. "Hey, what do you think about going to get ice cream tonight while we're out?" Penelope asked as they drove, turning the music down a little.

"I miss Daddy," Eva complained.

Penelope sighed. "I know, honey –"

"No, you don't know, Mommy," Eva snapped. "You get mean when he's gone."

"Eva Marie, I'm driving," Penelope said firmly. "Now is not the time for this."

"I want DADDY!" Eva shrieked. She tried to kick the back of Penelope's seat but her legs wouldn't reach.

"Do not make me pull the car over," Penelope said, stopping for the red light.

The light turned green and the car behind her honked. Penelope eased into the intersection and glanced in the rearview mirror at the asshole tailgating her –

The impact was a surprise.

Eva's hysterical scream was louder than the continuous honking of the car's horn and the music from the speakers.

That was what dragged Penelope back to consciousness. She was pinned on two sides by air bags and her entire body hurt too much to move.

"MOMMY – MOMMY!"

"It's okay, baby," Penelope forced out. She tried to move her left arm but it was pinned in an odd angle that clearly meant it was broken. She grabbed the pen-knife that Derek kept in the divider and stabbed the airbag that was pressing painfully against her belly. "Fuck –"

"Mommy, that's a bad word!" Eva gasped.

Penelope finally got to look into the rearview mirror and saw that Eva's car seat had been popped over – the seatbelt had snapped – into the middle of the seat. A black bruise was already forming on her daughter's face and she couldn't tell much more.

Someone opened the front passenger door and said, "Ma'am – ma'am, are you okay? That person came out of nowhere and ran the red arrow –"

Penelope inhaled sharply and stabbed at the other airbag. "Please tell me someone called 911," she ground out as her arm was released and searing pain ripped through her. "My daughter's hurt – "

"I just owwied my head, Mommy," Eva protested from the back. "I'm scared – I want Daddy –"

"They're on their way," the other woman assured her. "Are you all right?"

"My arm's broken," Penelope exhaled weakly, finally having enough presence of mind to turn the car off. The horn was still blaring, but the music died and she slumped in the seat. "And the airbags knocked me out."

"What about the baby?" the woman asked.

"She's kicking," Penelope mumbled. "I think – I think we're okay. Derek's going to kill me. He just got the car detailed before he left –"

"Take a deep breath and calm down," the woman advised as someone else got into the back and removed Eva and her carseat from the car. "You shouldn't try to get out on your side of the car – it's pretty smashed in. I don't think you can get the door open. Can you try to climb over and get out here? I'll help you – my name's Gabby."

"Penelope," Penelope murmured. "I'll try."

It took a few minutes of sheer effort, and a couple of pauses because she got incredibly dizzy, but Penelope got out of the car – and grabbed her purse and work bag – before she collapsed on the concrete. Her ankle wouldn't support her weight and her arm was really bad. She didn't want Eva to see how bad, because bones sticking out would only scare her more.

The ambulances thundered to a stop, all sirens and –

"Mommy, mommy," Eva cried, running over and hovering over her mother's prone form on the concrete. "I'm sorry I said you were mean – I'm sorry – is Rosie okay? Are you okay? Is Rosie –"

The EMTs rushed over and pulled Eva away, and the little girl tried to fight them – until one of the EMTs took her away to look at the bruising that covered most of her right side where she'd been smashed into the car seat.

"Ma'am, what's your name?" one of the EMTs asked Penelope.

"Penelope Morgan," she exhaled. "Please – someone needs to call Erin Strauss at the FBI – right now. She's my Unit Chief. I need – she needs to call my husband."

By the time they'd gotten to the hospital, Penelope was hooked up to at least five different monitors – including a fetal heart monitor – and she was just beginning to understand how frightened she should be. Eva was sitting still and letting someone look her over, but she kept looking over at Penelope and clinging tightly to Jane like she was scared to death. "I want to call my Daddy," she announced. "I know his phone number – please let me call Daddy."

The EMT smiled kindly at Eva and said, "We need to do some tests, Eva – someone will call your Daddy and let him know that you're okay. Now, your Mommy needs you to be brave right now – you're going to go into a big machine that makes lots of noise when we get to the hospital. You need to be very, very still and quiet and good."

"Mommy?" Eva asked anxiously. "Mommy – are you going to be with me?"

Penelope shook her head and whispered, "You need to be good and do what the doctors tell you to do, Princess – they need to make sure Rosie is okay."

"NO!" Eva shrieked. "I'M NOT LEAVING MY MOMMY!"

Penelope's heart monitor sped up and so did the fetal heart monitor. The EMT said, "Mrs. Morgan, you need to calm down – "

"Eva Marie Lynch," Penelope said, struggling to remain as calm as she could for the baby's sake, "you will go with the doctors and make sure that your head isn't owwie really bad. And then you can come be with me. I want you to be safe, sweetheart."

Eva stilled and got very very quiet. Then she nodded and whispered, "Are you going to be okay, Mommy?"

Penelope nodded and said, "Yes – but you need to do what you're told. Okay? I need you to be brave for me – be brave and strong."

"I'm scared," Eva whispered.

"Me, too," Penelope murmured, reaching over with her good arm to hold Eva's hand. "But we're going to be okay."

"Okay, Mommy," Eva said.

* * *

They wheeled Penelope back into the private room where Strauss, Will, and Eva were waiting. "Mrs. Morgan needs to remain overnight so we can monitor both her and the baby," the doctor said. "But in general, she's doing very well considering the damage to the car."

"I didn't even see them coming," Penelope whispered.

"The other driver ran the red light and hit you at about forty-five miles an hour," Strauss said, her voice uncharacteristically soft. "You and Eva are very lucky."

"We're going to release your daughter into Mr. La Montagne's care, as was your wish," the doctor said. "He has a list of things to look out for, since she has a pretty severe concussion, but she should be okay in a few days – she hasn't got any bleeding on the brain, so we're looking good on that end."

Penelope nodded and said, "Will, if something happens, I will kick your ass so hard –"

Eva squirmed to be let down and came over to kiss her mother's hand. "Mommy, I'll be good – I won't run and I won't climb and I won't play. And I'll do what the doctor says. Are you gonna?"

"Yes," Penelope whispered. She ruffled her daughter's hair and murmured, "I want you to do just what Henry's daddy tells you to do. Promise?"

"Promise, Mommy," Eva said back. "Is Rosie gonna be okay?"

"Yes," Penelope said firmly. "Rosie is going to be fine."

"Eva, let's go get Henry and go have supper," Will said. "Do you like shrimp?"

"I love shrimpies!" Eva cried, kissing her mother's hand before she walked slowly over to Will. "My head makes me dizzy, Mr. Will. Are you gonna be mad if I get pukey?"

"Not at all, sweetheart," Will said, scooping her up into his arms. "Now, isn't your Mommy thinking it's very lucky that she and your Daddy gave us an extra car seat for you just in case?"

"Very lucky," Penelope murmured tiredly.

They waited until Eva and Will were gone before Penelope said, "Okay, how bad is it really? I know you didn't want to talk in front of her –"

"You suffered several fractures in your left arm," the doctor said, "which have been pinned and set. Your ankles were strained under the force of the impact, but not broken. We're also watching the bruising on your left thighs in case they indicate clotting that could break free and move to your heart of lungs. Your concussion isn't as severe as Eva's, but we want to keep an eye for possible brain bleeding. And we want to monitor the baby, since you've already had a bout of Braxton-Hicks contractions today."

Penelope nodded and exhaled. "Derek's got to be freaking out –"

"Actually," Strauss said, "considering the nature of the case, I thought it would be best not to notify him of the accident until we knew what we were dealing with."

The logic behind that made Penelope see red – how could the woman be so unemotional? "Get him on the line," she hissed. "Now. Call him. Call my husband." The heart monitors jumped again and the doctor gave her a stern look.

Strauss did as she was told – surprisingly – and handed Penelope the phone. "Strauss," Derek said when he picked up, "now isn't exactly the time –"

"Hey, Hot Stuff," Penelope breathed, her voice hitching in her throat. "I'm borrowing the boss's phone."

"Baby –"

"Don't be mad," she said. "But we need to buy a new car."

"Penelope –"

"I'm okay – and Eva's okay," she said quickly, "but the car's totaled. Some idiot ran the red light and turned right into me. They died, Derek. But we're okay – I promise."

"Where are you?" he asked. "I'm on a plane in an hour, Baby –"

"No, you stay there," Penelope said firmly. "I'm okay, Derek. I just need to stay in the hospital overnight to make sure that Rosie's going to be all right. So it does you no good to hop on a plane when everything is going to be just fine. Will took Eva home with him, so you know she's in good hands. And I'm going to be here till they let me out. And once that happens, I'm going to get a rental and go back to work and find this fucker so you can come home. Got me? You don't need to come home because I got into an accident."

He inhaled shakily and said, "Are you sure?"

"I broke my arm and knocked my head," she said. "It's nothing that won't handle itself. You need to be where you are – not worrying about me." She wouldn't tell him how much she really wanted him there – because it would open them both up to so many problems. "I'll call you if we need you, okay?"

"Baby Girl, promise me one thing…"

"Hmm?"

"Next time, you call me first."

"Hot Stuff," she said, her voice softening, "I've been getting run through all kinds of tests since the accident. It's not like I had a chance till now."

"I've been trying to reach you all day –"

"My phone got smashed," she said with a sigh. "And, obviously, I wasn't in the office."

"I've been so worried –"

"Derek, breathe," she whispered, starting to tear up. "It's okay – we're okay, I promise. Rosie's even kicking and punching my kidneys like usual. Go get a drink and try to relax. I'm going to do the same thing – and Strauss is going to give you my room number so you can call later."

"I need to see you, Baby –"

"No, believe me, you don't want to see me right now," Penelope said, laughing. "You'll wonder why you married me if you do – just go call Will and talk to Eva, will you? She's been so brave today, Derek. Please call and make sure she knows that you love her."

"I will," he promised. "Can you do me a favor and put the phone where Rosie can hear it?"

"Sure," Penelope whispered. She moved the phone to her belly and whatever he said was rewarded with a strong flurry of movement. She put the phone back to her ear and said, "Goodness, she misses you, too, Daddy – now go catch the bad guy." She handed the phone back to Strauss, who passed on the phone number for the room and hung up.

It wasn't until much later, after Strauss was gone, that Penelope let herself cry. And then, it was only because she'd used duty against them both. She did need him – she'd lied to him to keep him focused… and she regretted every word that had left her lips.


	15. Chapter 15

Part fifteen:

Penelope got up from bed – with much struggling – and went into the baby's room. She unfolded, then refolded all of the clothes in the dresser, remade the crib, and started organizing the diapers. The fact that she was doing it all one-handed slowed her down a little, but her insomnia was beginning to catch up with her. Ever since the accident – four days previously – she'd been pissing away her days in bed, watching tv with Eva. Strauss had forbidden her to come back to the office till she got her false alarms under control, which had finally happened that day – not a single contraction.

To say that she was anxious to get back to the office, even in her limited state, before her maternity leave began was an understatement – she had too many open files, too many things that needed completion before she left, to just walk away.

"Mommy, why are you awake?" Eva asked quietly from behind her. "It's before the sunshine."

"Why are you awake?" Penelope asked softly, turning to face her daughter.

"I had a bad dream. And I miss Daddy," Eva sighed sadly, holding Paddington Bear tightly. "Why can't he catch the bad guy and make him go away so he can come home, Mommy?"

"He's trying, sweetheart," Penelope sighed.

"Can I sleep with you, Mommy?" Eva asked.

Penelope caved immediately. "Of course, baby," she said softly. "Come on – let's both go back to bed. I'll tell you a secret: I miss Daddy, too."

"That's not a secret," Eva said.

* * *

"Are you certain you're up to this?" Strauss asked, eyeing Penelope up and down.

"Absolutely," Penelope said firmly. "They have to have new evidence for me to dig into by now – I can be of more use here than sitting on my ass at home, having my mother-in-law fussing over me. As much as I love her, Fran has been driving me crazy since she got here."

"Well, then," Strauss said, "if you think you can handle it –"

"I do," Penelope said. "My arm isn't hurting too much and the contractions stopped. I'm as good as I'll be."

"Then get to it," Strauss said gruffly. "If you need anything, let me know."

Penelope nodded, then retreated to the safety of her office. She combed through all of the data she'd missed, and idly picked up the phone when it rang. "The goddess of the all-knowing at your service," she said. "Hit me with your best shot."

There was silence, then Derek said, "Well, that's a surprise – when did you come back to work, Baby?"

She perked up immediately. "Just this morning – what can I help you with, Derek?"

"Oh, there's a lot you can help me with," he said suggestively. "But right now, I need you to see if there are any connections between the newest two victims – "

"Sexy, keep your pants on because I already did that," she teased. "Maggie Carter and Samuel Evans didn't seem to have anything going on, so I checked a little deeper and they both attended Jonesburg High School from 1976-1980. In fact, all of your victims link up that way – you're looking at people who all attended the same school in overlapping time periods. Sounds like we're looking for a super creep."

"How come you found that and no one else did?" he asked.

"Because I'm your goddess," she purred. "And I've compiled a list of all students – including drop-outs and transfers for those four years and I'm about to upload the list to you. Admit it – you miss me."

"God, Penelope, you have no idea how much I miss you," he exhaled shakily. "How are the girls?"

"Eva misses you but she's glad your mom is there so she doesn't have to go to school. She has another doctor's appointment this afternoon for another scan and then she's all clear."

"And Rose?"

"Ah, she's being quiet today, which isn't really normal, but I'm not worried – I think she's just sleepy," Penelope said, rubbing her belly and being rewarded with a little kick. "Or she misses you, too. I'm pretty sure 'all of the above' qualifies in this case."

"Are you sure you should be at work?" he asked.

"There are only so many times I can refold the baby's clothes," Penelope said. "And your Momma is there, making me nuts."

He sighed. "I've got to go – Hotch needs the new info…"

"I already sent it to him, love," she murmured. "And I'm running cross-checks for other links between our victims, including how many classes they had together and such." She shifted in her seat and winced – back cramp. Clearly, she'd forgotten how uncomfortable her chair was. "We should have a clearer picture in a couple of hours. And maybe even a name."

"Did I mention I miss you?" Derek asked, chuckling.

"You better call me tonight, Mister," she said firmly. "I miss you, too."

"Yeah, Baby Girl, Hotch and Rossi are giving me Looks – I've got to go. Love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too," she murmured.

* * *

Four hours later, she was giving them an update – there were only a total of twelve students that had been suspended during those years… but it wasn't the suspensions that had her worried. Ten teachers had been fired during that time period – including one that had been accused of sexually assaulting one of her students.

"That fits the profile," Reid said. "A female teacher –"

"Isn't it about time for you to be getting lunch, Penelope?" Derek said pointedly.

"I'm not hungry," she protested. "So, anyway, said teacher's files were purged of the incident and she went on to teach at several other schools under an assumed name – but with the same Social Security number - up till 1987. But she's back in Jonesburg and just applied for a renewal of her teaching license with the state, citing a work history in other states."

"Good job, Garcie," JJ said. "Now, go eat lunch."

"No, seriously, I'm not hungry," Penelope said. "I've been having stomach cramps the last hour or so – my food hasn't been agreeing with my meds since the accident."

"Are you sure it's stomach cramps?" JJ asked.

"Oh, yeah, believe me, after twelve visits to the hospital with Braxton-Hicks contractions in the last few days, I think I know what contractions feel like," Penelope sighed, rubbing her belly. Rose didn't respond, so that gave her pause. "Anyway – I've sent Elise Newman's current address and contact information to your tablets."

She cut the connection and rubbed her belly. "Hey, now, Rosie Posey, don't get shy on me now," she murmured. "I know you miss Daddy, but –" Everything in her lower body tightened painfully and she only barely bit back a howl . "Oh – " She tried to stand up, but fell back into the chair as another wave smashed into her. She could barely breathe through the pain, and the pain barely eased up before it kicked in again. "Shit – no – no – shit, it's too soon, Rosie," she panted, clutching the arm rest. "Come on, be reasonable – don't be like your daddy," Penelope begged.

It took a minute, but she calmed down enough to dial Strauss's extension.

"TA Morgan, I've heard a report from Agent Hotchner that your work on the case has brought them closer than –"

"Ma'am," Penelope croaked, "I'm having the baby. Right now. In my office. Help." Another contraction slammed into her with force and she couldn't hold back the cry of pain that escaped her lips. "I feel like I need to push already – I – I can't –"

"How long have you been in labor?" Strauss asked. "My assistant is calling the medic – and the emergency services –"

"My contractions are on top of each other," Penelope panted. "I need to push – FUCK – "

"I'll be there in a minute," Strauss promised, then the line went dead.

Penelope gritted her teeth and continued to try to breathe, though all she wanted to do was push. How could she have been so stupid – so oblivious –

The door opened and closed behind the Section Chief. Strauss took one look at Penelope, then helped her down onto the floor and had a quick look. "Yeah, you're ready," she said.

"Oh," Penelope ground out between clenched teeth. "Oh, this isn't good – she's not due for another month –"

"Well, she's coming now," Strauss said firmly. "And she's breech."

Penelope closed her eyes and mumbled, "God, you just had to be like your father –" But then the contraction seized her stronger than ever and she bit her lip, drawing blood from the force it took not to push.

"You're going to have to push," Strauss said, taking off her cardigan. "Next time you feel a contraction, just go ahead and push – I'm going to try to help."

By the time the medic got there, Penelope was on her last few pushes. She felt a pop, then heard Rose crying for the first time, and she fell back to the floor, sobbing in relief. Strauss wrapped the baby in her cardigan, then handed her to the medic so he could look her over before the EMTs arrived. "She's beautiful, Penelope," Strauss said, kneeling down again. "You have a beautiful little girl."

Penelope nodded and closed her eyes. "I – I need – we have to call Derek," she exhaled, trying to get her breathing under control. She felt like she'd gone ten rounds with Kevin as his punching bag – and the contractions remained strong till suddenly she passed the placenta just as abruptly as Rose had come into the world.

Several EMTs came into the office, surveying the scene. They went to work quickly, but eventually, Rose was placed in Penelope's good arm as they lifted her onto the gurney. Penelope smiled down at her tiny, indignant daughter, proud that her little girl was big enough to make a fighting chance of it – she was already eight pounds. God knows what she would've been in another month!

Strauss followed along with them, as Penelope counted her daughter's little toes, and then her fingers – and Penelope's face fell. "Oh god, Derek needs to come home now," she sobbed softly. "Ma'am, please call him – please – he needs to come home…"

"Penelope, look at me," Strauss said firmly. "That little girl is perfect. Do you hear me?"

"Yes, but –"

"She is your daughter and that makes her perfect," Strauss said firmly. Once they were in the ambulance, she dialed Derek. "Agent Morgan, your wife would like to speak to you."

She put the phone to Penelope's ear and Penelope whispered, "Hey, you know how I said you didn't need to come home?"

"Baby, what's wrong – why are you crying?" he asked worriedly.

"I'm crying because you're not here and I'm holding the most perfect, beautiful baby girl," Penelope whimpered. "And you should have been here with me – and I'm sorry I lied to you and said I didn't want you to come home – please come home now. Please."

"What?"

"Rosie decided she couldn't wait any longer to meet us," Penelope said, starting to cry harder as she looked down at her daughter's little face. "Derek, she's perfect – and you need to come home right now. I don't care about the case – I need you here."

"But we were just on the phone like an hour ago," he protested.

"Yeah, and she came really fast," Penelope said. "I think I've been in labor since the accident."

"Shit," Derek said. "Hotch, I gotta go home – yeah, now. No, Penelope's not in labor – she's already had the baby." He paused, then said, "Sweetness, I'm going to put you on speaker."

"Okay," she said.

"Is Morgan telling the truth?" Hotch asked. "You had the baby?"

"Yeah, Rose Frances Morgan is here a little ahead of schedule," Penelope said softly. "I'm sorry, Bossman, but –"

"We're almost wrapped up here," Hotch said. "We can all be back on the jet in a couple of hours. Can you wait that long for Morgan to come home?"

"You solved the case?" Penelope asked.

"Thanks to you," Rossi said gruffly. "We're just tying up the loose ends now."

"Okay," Penelope breathed softly, trying to keep Rose balanced as they went around a corner. "I've got to go – we're almost at the hospital, I think."

Strauss took back her phone and gave them a few curt instructions before she gently plucked Rose out of her mother's good arm. "Let me hold her till we get you situated," Strauss said softly. "So you aren't struggling."

"Good idea," Penelope whispered, watching Rose stir a little, then wrap her fingers around Strauss's finger. "I wasn't ready for this so soon," she said. "I don't even have a bag made up at the house."

"Sometimes, the best things happen when we least expect them," Strauss said with a small smile. "She really is a beautiful little girl, Penelope."

Penelope nodded and tried to smile, but she felt horrible. What kind of a mother was she that she didn't even know that she was in active labor? Let alone - She inhaled sharply, not wanting to talk about the elephant in the ambulance. If she gave voice to her fears, it would just make it all that much worse. Denial was the only option – Rose was perfect, just as she was.

She had almost convinced herself of that by the time they arrived at the hospital and she was taken in one direction, and Strauss and Rose went in another. She trusted Strauss to watch out for the baby – god knows the woman had already done enough for her little girl.

It wasn't till later that the doctor came to talk to her about the baby's congenital deformity. According to him, there was no reason to suspect that it was anything to do with the pregnancy itself, but rather was a genetic disorder passed down as a recessive gene on either side of the family. That didn't make her feel any better.

The doctor explained that, due to Penelope's injuries, the best course of action would be to bottle-feed Rose so she wasn't tied down. But she protested and insisted that she at least be allowed to hold her daughter for a while.

So Rose was brought in with a little mitten over her right hand, and Penelope kissed her tiny face. "I love you, sweetheart," she whispered. "And no matter what anyone else thinks, you are my perfect little girl. Always."

* * *

She woke up when Derek came into the room. "Hey," she whispered.

"Hey, yourself," he said softly, flipping on the light. "Oh, honey, you look terrible –"

"I feel pretty beat-up," she teased as he crossed the room. "I wonder why, Mr. Morgan…"

He leaned down and gave her a gentle, hungry kiss. "Baby, I love you," he whispered. "I love you so much –"

"Have you been to see Rosie yet?" she whispered against his lips.

"No," he said, pulling away and yanking a chair up to her bedside. "I wanted to make sure that you were okay first. Strauss said it happened really fast – and without much warning."

She nodded and sighed. "I should've paid more attention, but they kept telling me that they were Braxton-Hicks contractions and I wasn't dilating…"

"Baby Girl, stop blaming yourself," he said softly. "You are amazing – you brought our little Rose into the world today. All by yourself. I'm so proud of you."

She started to cry, then whispered, "Derek, I didn't tell you that there's something wrong with her – I didn't want to tell you in front of everyone…"

He paused, then looked at her, sudden fear in his expression. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Her – well – she – they called it a genetic deformity," she sighed. She held up her hand and said, "Instead of four fingers and a thumb on her right hand, she's got a thumb, one full finger, a partial finger, and two little nubs." She sighed and said, "It's probably from my side of the family – I don't even know who my father was –"

Derek just stared at her, then blinked. "No, Penelope, don't you dare blame yourself," he said firmly. "It's from my Dad's side of the family – Aunt Jasmine has the same thing, and she manages to lead a hell of a life. Stop and breathe – Rosie's gonna be just fine. She's got the best Mama on the face of the earth."

She started to cry harder, then leaned into him. "I was so scared – I was scared that you'd see that and hate me and her and –"

"Never," he whispered. "Never ever, Baby Girl." He kissed her forehead and murmured, "I missed you so much – so much…" His phone beeped and he pulled back to look at the message. "Hotch says to tell you that we make adorable babies but this is not condoning another one."

She started to laugh and whispered, "Momma and Eva came to meet her earlier. Eva asked if she was ever that little, and I had to tell her that she was even littler when she was born."

Derek smiled and held her close. "I want to go see her, but I wanted to make sure you were all right first," he said softly.

"Why don't I just have them bring her in here?" she asked. "I want to see your face when you fall in love with someone else," she teased. "So I can remember what it looks like."

"Hey, now, I'm not going to fall in love with someone else," he protested.

"You're going to fall desperately in love with our little girl," Penelope warned. "And then I'm going to have to compete for attention."

"No way," he said, shaking his head.

When they brought the bassinette in a few minutes later, Penelope smiled as he reached in and picked up Rose. She stretched and yawned, groggily opening her eyes. "Hi, Princess," Derek whispered. "I'm your daddy…"

The baby flailed a little, her little arms coming out of her blanket. He gently plucked off her mitten and kissed her thumb, then her forefinger, then the stub of a middle finger. Rose licked her lips and yawned again, then made a little mewling noise.

"That's an 'I want Mommy' noise," Penelope warned him. "And she's going to start screaming soon."

He carried her over and gently laid her on Penelope's chest. "Hotch was wrong," he said. "We don't make adorable babies – you make beautiful little girls," he said, tears in his eyes. "I just get to come along for the ride."

She smiled tearfully back and said, "Eva is already Rose's sworn protector. It was so sweet – she was telling Rose how she was going to beat up anyone who makes fun of her. And then Momma had to tell her that beating other kids up is really bad."

Derek laughed. "Well, you know what? I don't care if she does, if it means she's not jealous of the baby."

"We're going to raise a juvenile delinquent, aren't we?" Penelope asked with a chuckle.

"Something like that," he said softly. "Baby?"

"Hmm?"

"Marry me?"

She smiled and said, "You're too late – I'm already married to an amazing man and I wouldn't give him up for anything. He's perfect – just like our little girl." She kissed Rose's forehead and closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth of happiness.


	16. Chapter 16

Part sixteen:

Rose began to stir in her playpen and Penelope immediately got up to check on her. Derek beat her and said, "Oh no you don't."

She huffed. "I got my cast off –"

"Yes, and you're not supposed to lift over ten pounds with that arm," he reminded her. "And Rose is definitely more than ten pounds."

Penelope pouted and replied, "You're mean – and I can pick her up with my right arm, asshole."

He rolled his eyes and sighed. "All right, fine –"

Eva came over and said, rather helpfully, "You can pick me up, Daddy."

Penelope got Rose up into the crook of her elbow and smiled down at the sleepily fussy baby. "You hungry, Princess?" she asked. "Or do you just want to cuddle?" The response was a yawn and a snuggle. "Okay, back to the chair with us…"

Eva tugged on Derek's pants leg. "Can I cuddle, Daddy?" she whined.

Derek scooped Eva up and carried her to the couch, hugging her. "Always, kiddo," he said softly. "You feeling a little left out?"

"You and Mommy always wanna cuddle with Rosie," Eva pouted, snuggling up against Derek's chest. "No one wants to cuddle with me no more."

"Now, Little Miss, what have we told you about not telling the truth?" Derek scolded gently. "If you want to cuddle, all you have to do is ask."

"I shouldn't has to ask!" Eva protested, still pouting.

"Eva," Penelope said softly, "what have I told you?"

Eva sighed. "That Rosie can't do nothing for herself so you and Daddy have to help her. And I'm a big girl and can do things by myself and ask for help when I need to."

"And if you want a cuddle, you need to ask," Penelope added gently. "We can't read your mind, sweetheart."

Eva sighed heavily and said, "I wanna cuddle, Mommy. But you're cuddlin' Rosie."

"There's room enough for both of you," Penelope promised, patting her lap. Eva all but abandoned Derek, flinging herself into Penelope's other arm. "There we go," Penelope murmured. "Now, all we're missing is Daddy," she teased, winking over at Derek.

"No, this is Mommy cuddle time," Eva said firmly, tucking her face into Penelope's shoulder. "Can we have Chinese for supper, Mommy?" she asked. "Daddy said maybe, 'cause it's a special day 'cause you got your cast off and stuff. Please?"

Penelope kissed the top of her head. "That sounds good to me," she said with a little smile. "What do you want to try?"

"I want the noodles," Eva said. "The ones with eggies and vegebles."

"Okay," Penelope replied. "But dinnertime is a ways away still – do you want Daddy to get you a snack?"

"No," Eva said. "'Cause that means I have to stop cuddlin'."

"Aww, sweetie," Penelope sighed. "Are you feeling neglected?"

"A little," Eva mumbled.

"And you're a little jealous because Rosie gets Daddy and me whenever she wants?" Penelope asked.

"Just a little," Eva mumbled, snuggling closer. Penelope wondered if she was going to have to surgically remove her child from her rib cage at the end of this snuggling match.

"Well, thank you for telling me," Penelope whispered. "We'll try to do better, okay? But we need you to tell us when you want things, honey."

"I just want love, Mommy," Eva whispered.

Penelope kissed the top of her head again. "You always have love, sweetheart," she whispered back. "I will always love you, my precious little girl."

Rose woke up and started making fussing noises. Derek immediately went to the kitchen and got a bottle ready. Eva looked at her little sister curiously, then said, "When's she gonna grow teeth and eat real food, Mommy?"

"When she's good and ready," Penelope said. "You're going to have to move so I can feed her – but you don't have to leave the chair, honey."

"Can I help?" Eva asked.

"You can help best by letting Mommy feed her," Derek said gently as he brought the bottle to her. "Okay? You want to come cuddle with me again?"

Eva pouted. "No," she said.

Derek held up his hands and sighed. "Okay, but I was going to put on a movie –"

"What movie?" Eva asked.

"Finding Nemo –"

"That's my favorite," Eva said, wiggling her way off of Penelope's lap and abandoning her for Nemo and Daddy cuddles. "Sorry, Mommy – but I gotta go now."

"Okay," Penelope said with a smile as she settled Rose down and got her to eat. Derek shot her a knowing glance, then smiled back at her. When she caught him looking, he winked and she blushed.

"Mommy, sharks are scary," Eva announced. "But I'd like to see one sometime – can we?"

"Sure," Penelope murmured. "We'll go to the aquarium and see sharks and clown fish and turtles –"

"Yay!" Eva cried.

It wasn't long before Derek and Eva were both asleep, and Penelope was left to cuddle with a very sleepy Rose. Come to think of it, Penelope was sleepy, too – it had already been a full day. She'd gotten her cast off, gotten the doctor's all clear, and come home to find Derek chasing Eva around the house with Rose in his arms. And it had just been downhill from there – not in a bad way, mind, but in the kind of way that she was exhausted from thinking about trying to do anything else.

Hence why she was thrilled when Eva suggested Chinese for dinner.

* * *

"Do you think she's going to sleep all night tonight?" Derek asked, rubbing the small of Penelope's back as they looked down into the crib.

"I hope so," Penelope sighed. "She's on a routine and she's three months old – I'm thinking that Rosie Posey will sleep the rest of the night. God willing."

He smiled and nuzzled her neck. "Good – because you and I have plans now that our girls are asleep."

She sighed. "Derek, baby, I'm tired." It wasn't a lie – she was beyond worn out.

"I know," he said. "So am I. But we need some time to ourselves – especially since you got cleared to resume normal activities…"

She groaned. "I'm weak!" she protested. "And you've gotten plenty of blow jobs, Mister."

"Maybe we should get out of here before we wake the baby," he teased, pulling her out of the room and to their bedroom. "And are you sassing me, Mrs. Morgan?"

"I am sassing you," she replied. "Because I'm tired and I want to go to sleep, not spend the night fucking like animals."

"Oh really," he said, "because that was definitely not my intention. I'm a little tired, myself – chasing down unsubs and then coming home to my girls wears me out, Mama Bear. Thank god for the weekend…"

She smiled a little and said, "Well, if normal resumption of fucking wasn't what you had in mind, I'm open to the other options –"

"I was thinking a nice, sensual massage," Derek said.

Penelope smiled and toed off her shoes. "Ah, see, now that I can get behind," she murmured. "I love touching you –"

"Oh, no, I'm going to be the one giving the massage," Derek said firmly. "Because you're the one that needs a happy ending…"

She blushed. "Derek Morgan!"

"Are you denying that you've missed –"

"No – god, no," she exhaled. "But tagging after two kids all day wears you out –"

"Ah, but a good orgasm will get you to relax and rest," he pointed out teasingly.

"You are incorrigible," she said, eyeing him. "And incredibly persuasive. I hate that, you know."

"Nah, you love it – now, get naked, Mrs. Morgan," he said, voice warm and commanding. "And I'll let you know just how much I've missed being able to touch you."

She smirked over at him and said, "Wouldn't you much rather undress me yourself, Mr. Morgan?" She felt warm and fuzzy inside – until she remembered just how much her body had changed since Rose. What if he didn't want to be with –

"Hey, now, what's that face for?" Derek asked, coming over to give her a tender kiss. "Did you forget how much I love you, Baby? Do we need to rectify that situation?"

She sighed. He didn't know that she'd been borrowing his home gym to try to get back to some semblance of "normal" while he was away. All he knew was that she'd been keeping up with the kids. He would probably spank her if he knew that Eva had really taken to walking on the treadmill while she was lifting weights and doing crunches.

"Penelope?"

She exhaled, then said, "You know how you – how you're so damn good-looking? And everyone wants your sexy body, Derek?"

"You're the only one that gets this," he said pointedly, gesturing at himself. "Got that?"

"Yes, but – I want to look good for you," she sighed, "and I just don't."

He sighed and pulled her down onto the bed in a seated position. "Why would you say that, Penelope?" he asked. "You're absolutely gorgeous."

"I'm gimpy in one arm, I still have twenty pounds of baby weight to come off – and my boobs are about the size of Montana because they didn't let me breast-feed," she complained. "Do you know how hard it is to find a bra to fit my monsters?"

"Now just you hold up and listen to me," Derek said firmly. "If you think any of that is going to change my mind about how god DAMN sexy you are, Baby Girl, you are sorely mistaken."

"My stretch marks have stretch marks," she said with a pout.

"So damn what?" he shot back. "I don't care if you have… warts and moles."

"Derek, don't be gross," she sighed. "Let's just face it – I'm not –"

He took her hands in his and whispered, "I don't care, Penelope, because I love the hell out of you. You could look like hell and it wouldn't change how I feel."

"But why?" she asked. "I'm nothing special, Derek –you deserve more than I can give you." She was practically in tears, having been playing her fears over and over again in her head since Rose was born. And now he was here and she was breaking… again.

"Stop and listen to me," he whispered. "The first time I saw you, all I wanted to do was have a good time in bed with you. My motives were entirely selfish. But when I met Eva, when we got to know each other – it wasn't just a tumble for me anymore. I fell in love with you hard and fast and I don't give a shit what you look like or any of that, because I love you, Penelope Garcia. I love you, damn it. Okay?"

"I know you do," she whispered. "I know – but –"

"No buts, Penelope. I'm not Kevin and I'm not going to be like Kevin," Derek said firmly. "I can't imagine doing anything to hurt you like that. It breaks my heart that anyone could."

"This has nothing to do with Kevin," she said sharply. "Nothing at all – he's DEAD. This has everything to do with me – and how I see myself. I want to see someone who's beautiful and not fat and frumpy, but that's not going to happen. I want to see myself as a good mother, but I've got two kids now and half the time, I want to take them both to day care and walk away for a few hours. And that's not how I'm supposed to feel. I love my girls to pieces but I always feel like I'm not doing enough for them!" She tried to calm down, but the rush of emotions was crushing her.

"Baby, Baby," he said softly, cupping her face in his hands. "Look at me – you are the best mother those two little girls could ever have," he whispered in earnest. "And it's not a sin to want to get away from them for a while – you have to take time for yourself. It doesn't make you a bad mother, Penelope. I promise."

"Damn it, it's not supposed to be like this," she whispered. "I'm supposed to be able to – to deal with this."

"How did you deal when Eva was a baby?" Derek asked gently.

"I didn't," she admitted quietly. "She would just cry and cry and cry and I prayed that Kevin wouldn't hurt us both. But he was gone most of the time – working, supposedly." She pulled away from him and averted her gaze before she said, "And when he'd come home, she would shut up because I was scared. She knew him better than I ever did – she knew he was bad news." Penelope shook her head and sighed. "I'm sorry – he's dead and gone and can't hurt us anymore unless we let him, I know. But it's so hard not to remember that she would cry and he would beat the hell out of me. That's why I'm so quick to make the girls stop fussing, whatever it takes."

"I would never – NEVER – hit you," Derek said, his voice low and hoarse. "Never, Penelope. Not ever. Do you understand me?"

"I know," she whispered, "but it doesn't make the fear go away. Nothing makes it go away, Derek."

His face contorted in an anguished pain that she'd never seen before, and he pulled her close, resting his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry," Derek whispered. "I'm so sorry he did that to you, Penelope. There was no reason –"

"It's not your fault," she whispered back. "Don't you dare hold yourself responsible for him."

"I love you," he said. "And I want you to be happy –"

"You make me happy," she whispered. "You and our girls. I just – I don't feel like I deserve you."

"You do," he snapped. "We deserve each other more than you know, Baby – believe me. Kevin broke you and left you bleeding… and someone I respected did the same thing to me. I couldn't put it behind me until you showed me that love isn't just pretty people fucking and strutting for the camera. Love is hard and painful and real. So real. And punishing ourselves for things we had no control over… it's just more pain."

"Why would anyone hurt you?" she whispered.

"Because I was young and stupid once," he grunted. "I did runs for a gang for a while. And then I got picked up by CPD and shit happened." He shrugged. "The guy that ran the youth center pulled me up by my bootstraps and made me play football. I was pretty good at it, even got a full-ride scholarship. But it doesn't make up for the fact that he sexually abused… and raped… me for years." He pulled away and sighed. "So, there – we both know each other's dark secrets now."

She just sat there, staring at him, aghast. "Derek –"

"No, don't you dare pity me," he said firmly. "I made myself into a better man so I wouldn't be like him. Just like you made yourself a better woman in spite of Kevin. And you – you've shown me that it's okay to love someone else. That they won't automatically reach out to hurt you."

"You trust me that much?" she whispered.

"Baby Girl, I trust you implicitly," he replied. "I've given you my heart and I trust you not to break it. Isn't that enough?"

She swallowed her pride and nodded. "Yes, because I – I've done the same with you," she confessed, hoping that he wouldn't see her tears as shame. They were relief.

"I know," he said very softly, kissing her tears away. "And have I told you how much I love you for it?"

"You don't have to tell me you love me for every little thing," she breathed.

"Yes, I do – because maybe then you'll believe me," he teased, letting his lips linger against hers in the softest, gentlest kiss they'd ever shared.

One gentle kiss led to another, to another, to another, and all of her protestations against sex were forgotten in the deeply romantic heat of the moment. It had been too long – they craved each other like air to be breathed, food to be consumed… And it wasn't lust that propelled them: no, it was love, deep and full of comfort and want that could only be assuaged by one another.

And as they lay in the darkness when the passion was past, curled against each other, they shared a warm contentment that couldn't be touched by anything evil or sad.

* * *

Penelope stared at the little stick, her hands shaking. "Motherfucker," she exhaled. "No, no, it can't be right." So she looked at the next test. "I'm going to kill him," she exhaled when the third pregnancy test read positive as well. "Him and all of his little swimmers."

She crammed the boxes and used tests into the sanitary napkin disposal and opened the stall door, running right into JJ as she came out. "Oh, I didn't see you there," Penelope said lamely.

"Derek sent me in to check on you," JJ said.

"Of course he did," Penelope spat. "Because he cares so damn much – if he really cared about me being so damn sick, he'd be in here himself."

JJ raised an eyebrow in amusement and said, "Were all the tests positive?"

Penelope crossed her arms over her chest and sighed. "Yes."

"Congratulations – you're going to have another little Morgan running around," JJ said dryly.

"I'm going to kill him," Penelope sighed. "He didn't even give me a chance to tell him that I wasn't back on the pill yet or anything, just went ahead and knocked me up again…"

"You clearly didn't protest too hard," JJ teased.

"You know Derek," Penelope said, "all charm and pants off."

"Well, in your case, it's charm and panties drop," JJ chuckled.

Penelope scowled at her friend. "Don't let me actually kill him," she said. "He needs to be held responsible for his errant sperm."

"There's nothing quite like finding out you're pregnant at work," JJ commented. "That's how I found out about Henry – Emily went out and got me the tests."

Penelope exhaled and murmured, "What am I going to do, JJ? We weren't planning on having anymore for a couple of years at least – long enough to get Rose on her feet and Eva into school…"

"Well, clearly, it's on to Plan B," JJ said. "Or Plan C – or whatever plan you're onto now, because clearly, you didn't mean to fall in love or get married or…"

Penelope swallowed hard. "I love him so much, JJ –"

"Believe me, the world knows how much you two love each other," JJ said. "So go out there and tell him that he's going to be a dad again."

Penelope grunted and sighed. "Son of a bitch – I just found a bra that fit, too," she said with a pout. "We'll see how long that lasts." She took a deep breath and left the restroom, headed for the Bullpen.

"Hey, Baby," Derek said as she got closer. "Are you feeling any better? I hope you didn't catch the thing the girls had –"

"Oh, no, I don't have a bug," Penelope said, waving her hand dismissively. JJ, behind her, snickered slightly. "Unless you count a snuggle bug… because there's going to be another one vying for cuddle time with me in a few months."

Derek stared at her in silence.

"Morgan, I think she's saying she's pregnant," Reid spoke up.

"Yes, thank you," Penelope replied. "Well, say something, Hot Stuff –"

"How did that happen?" Derek croaked.

"How do you think it happened?" Emily snarked, giggling. "Mr. Horn Dog."

"But we've been out of town for a couple of weeks," Derek protested.

Penelope raised an eyebrow. "Did the entire week before I came back to work completely escape your mind, dear?"

He at least had the decency to blush. "Ah, yeah –"

"Well, that's your next anniversary present sorted," Hotch commented as he and Rossi came into the bullpen holding files. "A truckload of condoms." He let them laugh for a minute, then said, "We have another case."

Derek and Penelope walked to the conference room hand in hand, both secretly enjoying that they were going to have another little one to adore.


	17. Chapter 17

Part seventeen:

"Oh my god, Mom, tell me it's not true!" Eva shrieked, flying down the stairs, her hair still up in curlers and her phone in her hand. She was shaking and looked pissed as hell…

And Penelope just continued making lunch for her other kids. "Tell you what's not true, dear?" she asked, glancing up.

"That you're letting Rose go out with Jeffrey – she's thirteen!" Eva gasped. "I mean, I'm eighteen and I still have to be home by –"

"Take a deep breath and stop," Penelope said firmly. When Eva opened her mouth again, she held up a finger. "Stop, Eva Marie Morgan."

"What's all the yelling about?" Derek asked, coming in from the garage, where all of his fitness equipment had moved over the years.

"Your daughter is having a cow about Rose being allowed to go to the movies ONE TIME with Jeffery, his sister, their mother, and yourself," Penelope said pointedly. "She seems to forget that we've had to deal with her indiscretions with Phillipe a few times this semester –"

Eva closed her mouth and turned bright red. "Mommy, that's not fair," she protested. "We broke up. Because he's an asshole and was sleeping with somebody else and she's pregnant now – so…"

"That doesn't excuse you walking around acting like a slut," Derek commented wryly, getting a glass of water. "I know you're old enough to do whatever you want and blah blah blah in college getting your doctorate blah blah blah whatever now, but as long as you're living under our roof, there are certain things that won't be tolerated."

Eva sighed, then shook her head and stormed back upstairs.

Rose came flying downstairs and into the kitchen with speed. "I've got track practice after school, Mom," she said, grabbing one of the lunches. "I'll get a ride home with one of the other girls."

"Ah ah ah," Derek said. "Slow down and give your old dad a kiss." Rose rolled her eyes and gave him a peck on the cheek before she took off for the door. She ran to school every morning as a warm-up, so Penelope wasn't overly concerned.

She went to the foot of the stairs and yelled up, "Okay, you three – get a move on! The Morgan Bus leaves in fifteen minutes."

James was the first one to stumble down the stairs, his hair sticking out wildly all over the place and the sleep still in his eyes as he sat down for some cereal. "I hate school," he muttered, pouring the cereal into a coffee mug and adding some milk to it. "Do I have to go, Momma?"

"Yes," Penelope sighed. "Were your sisters out of bed yet?"

"Jess was in the bathroom and Kitty's still in bed," James mumbled.

"This sounds like a job for Super!Mommy," Derek said dryly.

Penelope glared and pointed the peanut-butter-covered knife at him. "Don't you even start with me, mister," she said warningly.

"What'd I do now?" Derek asked, holding up his hands in surrender.

"This is all your fault, you know," she said, waving the knife in the air. "No, no, we're protected, Baby, we're not going to have another one after the twins –"

"Whoa, now, back up that truck," Derek said. "You were the one that said 'let's make a baby' –"

"Figuratively, moron!" Penelope yelped, setting down the knife and heading for the stairs. She made it up to Kitty's room – which was actually her old office – and said, "Okay, Missy, time to get up and get ready for school."

"I don' feel goods," Kitty whined hoarsely, coughing and wheezing. "Momma, I fink I'm sick."

Penelope immediately went into mommy mode and pressed her hand against Katherine's forehead. "Oh, sweetie, you're burning up," she sighed. "Okay, come on – let's go downstairs and get you some medicine. And then you can curl up on the couch so I can work here and keep an eye on you." She helped the tall chubby six year old out of bed and wrapped her up in a blanket. "C'mon, sugar, let's go."

Jessamine came out of the bathroom as they passed by, looking similarly miserable – but she had at least tried to get ready for school. "Mom, I don't feel so well," she mumbled. "And I kind of puked. A lot."

A quick check and Jess was running a fever, too. "Okay, back into your jammies and meet me in the living room," Penelope said firmly. "You two are going to spend the day on the couch and I'm going to stay with you."

"What 'bout medsince?" Kitty mumbled, nearly falling over. Penelope grabbed her and carried her downstairs.

"Derek, Kitty and Jess are sick," she called as she carried her daughter into the living room. "Can you take James to school –"

"Actually, I'm pretty sure he needs to stay home, too," Derek said. "Seeing as how he just threw up his breakfast."

"Oh great," Penelope sighed.

"Is everybody sick?" Eva asked as she came downstairs. At her father's nod, she wrinkled her nose. "Great – because all I need is to get sick before I'm supposed to present my thesis… not to mention, I'm supposed to go out on a date tonight."

Derek rolled his eyes heavenward. "Yes, because your date is more important than your brother and sisters' welfare," he said sarcastically.

"Derek, can you get me the children's Tylenol and the regular Tylenol?" Penelope said to break them apart. "And some water?" Once he was headed for the collective medicine cabinet, she cornered Eva. "I thought you said you and Phillipe broke things off –"

"Mom, it's not really a date," Eva huffed. "Henry's in town to see his parents for the weekend and we're going to get dinner and see a play. It's no big deal, okay?"

Penelope's stance softened. "I thought you two had a fight…"

"Best friends have fights and make up," Eva said, shrugging. "He didn't like Phillipe is all."

"Because he loves you," Penelope said softly. "So try to be nice to him, okay?" She held Eva's hands and whispered, "Sometimes, it's hard to let someone love you for all that you are. But when it happens, it's the most beautiful thing in the whole wide world, Eva." She gave her daughter a quick kiss, then went to help James move from the kitchen to the living room.

"Momma, I feel like I'mma barf," Kitty whimpered. Her prediction was apt, because less than ten seconds after the words left her mouth, she'd vomited all over her mother.

"Derek – you better tell Hotch I need a personal day!" Penelope yelped. She immediately tried to soothe her crying little girl, despite feeling suddenly nauseated herself. "Hey, now, sweetheart… it's okay," she whispered. "It's okay – we're going to get some medicine into you and you'll feel much, much better…"

Derek finally came into the living room with a tray of medicine cups and glasses of water. "Oh no," he said, looking around the room like it was a war zone. "Pen, Baby, you don't look so good either."

"Because I'm a sympathetic puker and Kit-Kat puked on me," Penelope said in a calm, even tone. "Can you make sure everybody gets their meds and I'm going to change clothes and clean up? And make sure everyone has a barf bowl, please."

She escaped the living room and ran for the bathroom that was right off the kitchen. She wasn't kidding about the sympathetic puking – yeah, that was going to happen. It was definitely going to happen. She heaved her guts into the toilet and tried very, very hard not to die from passing out from not breathing.

Derek came in as she managed to sit back on her heels and start breathing again. "Baby," he said softly, pulling her hair back and trying to comfort her. "I'm sorry – I didn't even think…"

"No, it's okay," she panted weakly. "The kids need one of us to keep an eye on them – I need to clean up and call Hotch and let him know you'll be late."

"I'm not going in," Derek said firmly. "You can't wrangle three sick kids by yourself."

"I can," she protested.

He kissed her forehead and sighed. "Not when you're feverish, too," he said gently. "Now get your ass in bed and let me handle this."

"I'm not feverish," she said.

"Yeah, you are," he argued. "Now get out of those heels and get back in bed, woman, or I'm going to spank you."

She wrinkled her nose and fumbled till her shoes were off. "I really don't feel –" She suddenly lunged for the toilet and started throwing up again.

Derek sighed. The last time she'd been this sick, she'd been pregnant with Kitty and everyone had had the flu at the same time. She knew he had to be thinking that as he held her hair back and let her be sick.

Kitty came into the doorway and mumbled, "Mommy, I wanna cuddle…"

"Mommy's a little busy right now," Derek said.

Penelope finally managed to stop throwing up and calmed down. "Okay, maybe I should go change clothes and cuddle with Kitty," she said, trying to get up. The next thing she knew, she was on the floor and Derek was slapping her cheeks to try to rouse her. "Shit, I guess I am sick," she mumbled, not even putting up a fight when he picked her up and carried her to the living room.

It wasn't until a couple days later, when the others seemed to have recovered – except for Rose, who finally came down with it – that they began to suspect something was wrong. Penelope's fever disappeared but she didn't stop being sick.

And it was then that she called JJ and begged her to bring pregnancy tests and NOT tell anyone what was going on – especially Derek. Though, god knew the man hovered like a statue, and she had no idea how JJ was going to sneak in past him with a bag of pregnancy tests –

"Baby Girl, JJ brought some soup from the place," Derek said. "Will you try to eat something?"

Penelope nodded and sighed. "Why don't you go check on Rosie?" she asked. "JJ can watch me for a while – you don't have to hover."

"We have an epidemic and you're telling me not to hover and not to worry?" Derek asked. "Woman, are you nuts?"

JJ rolled her eyes and pushed past him. "For god's sake, Derek, go take care of the kid," she said. Once she was sure he wasn't peeking through the keyhole, JJ said, "I really did bring you soup – but you have to take the tests first." She held up a bottle of Gatorade and a box. "Go to it, PG – I can't hold the door forever."

Ten minutes later, Penelope was slurping down the soup and mumbling, "God, I hope I'm pregnant and not dying or something – death by vomiting is a hell of a way to go."

JJ glanced at her watch and said, "Okay, I'd say a couple more minutes to be safe…"

"When did we get old, Jay-je? Both of our babies are in college…" Penelope sighed. "Derek hates that Eva's finally becoming defiant, but I knew it would happen eventually. She's gotten a taste of freedom and he hates it because his little girl isn't so little anymore."

"Yeah, well, your little girl and my little boy need to stop playing games with each other," JJ said with a sigh. "They've been dancing around each other since they were kids. They need to just stop and realize that what they have is stronger than just friendship. For god's sake, Henry was ready to punch Phillipe's face in when he smacked Eva when they were out on a double date –"

Penelope stopped, the soup dribbling off her spoon back into the bowl. "What? When did that happen?" she asked, her voice rising suddenly.

"Calm down," JJ said. "It happened the night she broke up with Phillipe. That's the reason she broke up with him – because he hit her."

"Why didn't she tell us about this?" Penelope asked. "For god's sake –"

"Because maybe she felt that she didn't need her parents leaping to her defense like they always do," JJ said pointedly. "Sometimes, you just have to deal with things yourself. Maybe she had to face her own demons to make it right…"

Penelope's face crumbled and she started to cry. "JJ – she started having nightmares from when Kevin took her," she whispered, "and all I could do was listen and tell her I was sorry that I hadn't been there to take it instead of her."

JJ took the soup away and held Penelope as she wept. And when she finally calmed down, JJ said, "I think it's about time to look at the tests."

Penelope shook her head and whispered, "I've failed Eva so badly, JJ – what right do I have to bring any more children into the world now?"

"It could be a false alarm," JJ said. "You could just have the flu –"

"And I could be knocked up on my ass, JJ – god, I'm in my fifties – why should I be having more kids now?"

"Because you and your damn fool husband can't keep your damn hands off each other," JJ said, sighing in exasperation. "I'm going to go look, damn it – and you better stop feeling sorry for yourself, Penelope."

Penelope closed her eyes and held her breath. "I can't look," she exhaled abruptly when she felt the bed dip beside her.

"Can't look at what, Baby?" Derek asked softly.

Her eyes flew open and she began to panic, queasiness overtaking her again in short order. JJ was standing in the doorway, holding one of the tests in her hand, looking a little guilty. Derek merely raised an eyebrow at JJ and she brought it over to him.

"What I don't get is, after everything we've been through together, you thought you had to hide this front me?" Derek asked, looking at the stick in his hands. "I mean, really, Baby Girl… We've been married for thirteen years. I've seen you pop things out of your vagina – other than babies – like it ain't even a big thing, and you think it didn't already cross my mind about fifty times in the last two days that you could be pregnant? Hell, I even checked your paper calendar where you and the girls mark things like that and –"

"Oh god, just kill me, please," Penelope begged, her face beet red.

"What I wanna know is what kind of shit are you popping out of there?" JJ asked, kind of horrified and intrigued all at once.

"It was a strawberry and it only happened once!" Penelope cried, trying to pry the stick out of Derek's hand.

"Hey, now," Derek said, "stop it." He glanced at the stick, and said, "Well…"

"Just give it here, you giant prick," she hissed.

"Just because I have one doesn't mean I am one," he replied.

"Dear god, Derek, just tell her she's up the spout already," JJ groaned. "Fuck it – you two are worse than teenagers."

"Well, that was rather anti-climactic," Derek muttered. "Thank you, JJ…"

Penelope finally managed to pry the stick out of his hands. "Oh my god," she exhaled. "What about the others?"

"I'll never understand why you insist on taking so many tests at once," Derek sighed.

"They're all positive," JJ replied.

"Because of false positives," Penelope told Derek, then she actually looked at him. "Oh my god, we're going to be parents again. I'm… actually properly scared to death right now."

"Why?" Derek asked. "It's not like we haven't done this before…"

"No, but I'm getting old and your damn super sperm need to go away," she muttered. "Speaking of, didn't you get snipped, Big Boy?"

"Yeah, well, remember they said things might grow back together – apparently, that happened."

She punched him in the gut. "I hate you," Penelope growled. "I hate being pregnant. I want to throw up in your shoes and – and – "

"And I can't wait till the moment you realize you can't do without me," he teased. "When you need to be fucked within an inch of your sanity and –"

"Okay, I so do not need to be here for this, so I'm going to go check on my goddaughter and make sure she has enough medicine," JJ stammered, leaving in a hell of a hurry.

"I can so do without you," Penelope pouted.

"Not really," Derek whispered, his hand wandering to take hers and squeeze it tightly. "And I'm kind of scared, too. But mostly happy."

"You would be," Penelope said with a sigh. "You don't have to squeeze something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a baseball…"

"No, but I'm going to be right beside you when you do," he whispered. "Just like last time and the time before. I said I'm not leaving, Penelope, and I meant it."

"Damn it, don't make me cry," she said, elbowing him in the ribs. "There's… nothing more I hate… when I'm… when I'm pregnant… than when you make me… cry…" All of her words were punctuated by tiny sobs that suddenly became an eruption.

He calmed her tears, and her fears. One kiss became another, one touch begat another, and soon enough, they were reminded of how they'd gotten into this mess in the first place. Not that it was bad – oh god, no, it was very very good – but JJ was right. In the end, they were worse than teenagers.

Penelope looked up at Derek through tired, love-drunk eyes, and smiled. "God, I hope it's not another set of twins," she commented dryly.

"Don't even joke," he growled, pulling her closer and clamping his hand possessively on her ass. "I don't think our retirement plan could handle that damage."

She wiggled against him and whispered, "So, I think I figured out, Mr. Morgan, how we keep getting all these amazing kids…"

"Really?" he asked, non-plussed.

"You have super sperm," she teased, poking his nose. "And I make beautiful babies."

"Yes, you do," he agreed, kissing her. "Is it bad to want another girl when we have a house full of them already?"

She laughed. "You have James on your side," she teased. "Is that enough?"

"I'd rather have another little girl who looks up at me with your beautiful eyes," he said. "God, Penelope – when did we get old?"

"It happened when we weren't looking," she murmured. "And this is our last hoorah, isn't it?"

"Hell no," he said firmly. "Our last hoorah is going to be when Hotch realizes he has to fill out another set of maternity leave forms for you. I think he'll kill us both."

Penelope giggled and kissed him. "I hate you – but I love you," she confessed.

"You only hate my super sperm," he retorted.

"And how you like to leave your stinky workout clothes in with my delicates," she added. "And how you conveniently get called away when it's time to mow the yard –"

"Okay, okay, I'll go mow," he sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Thank you, Baby," she murmured. "I do love you…"

"I know," he replied, placing his hand gently on her belly. "And I love you – and all of our little ones."


	18. Chapter 18

Part eighteen:

"I do not like this," Eva stated as she sat down primly on the chair by the fireplace. "Every time we have a family meeting, it's catastrophic."

"What she said," Rose added unhelpfully as she flung herself onto the loveseat with one ear plugged into her iPod. "The last one we had, you told us Grandma died."

"And before that, it was Uncle Rossi retiring," Eva said.

"And the one before that, it was Aunt Emily getting shot by an unsub," Rose muttered.

"And the one before that, you were telling us that Kit-Kat was coming and Mom was going to be on bedrest the whole time," Eva grumbled.

"Wow," Derek said. "I didn't know that you were keeping track." He gestured for James and Jess to sit down. "But, yeah, family meetings are usually about bad things."

"We're just waiting on Kitty to get done in the bathroom and join us," Penelope said, "and then we'll get started."

"DADDY," Kitty wailed from the bathroom off the kitchen, "THERE'S NO SOAP!"

Derek shook his head and rolled his eyes, pressing a quick kiss to Penelope's temple before retreating to assist Kitty's quest. Penelope was left sitting on the coffee table with all of her children's eyes on her.

"Did someone die?" Eva asked suddenly.

"No," Penelope said, "no one died."

The twins regarded her with distrust. "Is that the truth or are you just scared to tell us without Dad?" James asked. "Yeah – how do we know you aren't lying?" Jess asked.

"Do I lie to you as a matter of habit?" Penelope asked, raising an eyebrow.

"The Tooth Fairy," Jess said coldly.

"House Elves," James muttered.

"Santa Claus," Rose grumbled.

"Good vs. evil," Eva added.

Penelope sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Well, okay, then," she said. "So I should just accept that none of you believe a word I say?"

"You have to be really convincing," Rose said cheerfully. "And then we'll try."

Kitty burst into the room with Derek on her heels. "My hands are squeaky clean," she announced, bouncing over and getting the best seat of all – Mommy's lap. Derek stood behind the table, resting his hands on Penelope's shoulders. Kitty looked up at him and made a face, and he made a quick face back at her, then pretended he hadn't.

"Okay, so…" Penelope inhaled and played with the lace trim on the hem of Kitty's skirt for a moment. "Your father and I need to tell you something important, and it's going to change the family in a big way."

"Oh my god," Eva said. "You're getting divorced?"

"NO!" Rose shrieked, jumping up and throwing her iPod. "You can't!"

"Stop," Derek said firmly. "Sit the hell down. We are definitely not getting divorced. What on earth gave you that idea, Eva?"

"You fight all the time," Eva said.

Derek sighed and said, "We get short-tempered with each other, yes, but it's not anything to get divorced over."

"But you've been fighting all the time lately," Eva said. "Over the stupidest things like running out of milk. And black clothes in with the colors. And – and – mowing the lawn."

Penelope exhaled and said, "Yes, I've been a little… bitchy… lately. And I apologize."

"What's d'vorced, Mommy?" Kitty asked. "There's kids at school whose mommies and daddies are that, but I don't know what it means."

"Divorced is when your mom and dad don't love each other anymore and break up," Jess said.

Kitty's eyes widened and she started to cry. "No, Mommy – you and Daddy can't get d'vorced."

"We are not getting divorced," Derek said again, his grip on Penelope's shoulders tightening – not painfully, but possessively. "Your mother and I love each other very much, and we wouldn't do anything to hurt you kids, okay?"

"But you need to sort your laundry better," Penelope said.

"Hey now," he growled, playfully smacking her. "I think we've kind of lost the thread of the plot here. Maybe we should get things back on track."

Kitty sniffled and buried her face in her mother's shoulder. "Family meetings are scary," she mumbled. "Bad fings happen."

"See, that's what I was just saying," Eva sighed. "But noooo, nobody listens to me –"

"Oh for god's sake," Penelope sighed. "We're having another baby."

There was dead silence in the room.

Then a flurry of speaking.

"Oh my god, aren't you too old?" Eva said.

"But you said Kitty was the last one," Jess protested.

"Damn, Dad, haven't you ever heard of condoms?" James asked.

"Yay!" Kitty said. "I won't be the baby no more!"

"You guys still have sex?" Rose asked, her face traumatized and horrified all at once.

"Of course they still have sex, dummy," Eva said. "What do you think that noise is in the middle of the night when they've had a fight?"

Rose looked like she was going to be sick. "Oh. Oh god."

"Daddy, what's sex?" Kitty asked.

James spoke up before they could answer. "It's when a man and a woman kiss a lot and he puts his penis in her vagina."

Kitty's eyes opened wide and she squeaked, "Daddy did what with his penis, Mommy?"

"And this is not how this was supposed to go," Penelope sighed. She kissed Kitty's forehead and said, "You, Princess, do not need to worry about sex till you're much older."

"But he put your penis in your vagina – what's a vagina? Does it hurt?" Kitty asked anxiously. "Mommy, did Daddy hurt you?"

"Oh my god," James sighed. "It doesn't hurt if they do it all the time, stupid – and they do it all the time. It's gross."

Penelope glared at her son. "So help me god, James Derek Morgan, if your sister becomes a lesbian because you scared her with penis talk this young, I will hurt you in your sleep," she said firmly.

"What's a lesbian?" Jess asked, brow furrowing.

Derek interjected, "It's when two women love each other and want to get married instead of a man and a woman."

"Oh," Kitty said, sighing in relief. "I wanna be one of those – no penises. Penises are scary."

"Great," Penelope sighed.

"So this is real?" Eva asked. "You're really having another baby? Weren't we enough, Mom? You don't exactly have a well of love to spread around now."

"That's not true," Derek said firmly.

"Yeah, it is," Eva said. "You're always fussing over Kit-Kat and the Terrible Twosome. Rose and I fend for ourselves all the time –"

"You're old enough to take care of yourself," Penelope said gently. "And you clearly think we're interfering too much in your life when we do intercede anyway –"

"That doesn't mean that sometimes, I don't just want a fucking hug from my mother," Eva hissed, getting up and storming out of the room.

Rose was very quiet, then said, "I don't mind taking care of myself. But I'd like to spend more time with you and Dad sometimes. You do spend a lot of time with Kitty."

"Because I'm cute," Kitty said with a straight face.

"Hey now," Derek said. "No picking fights."

"We wouldn't have to spend so much time with the twins if they didn't do stupid things," Derek said firmly.

Jess had the sense to look ashamed. "The explosion in the science lab was an accident," she said.

James, on the other hand, looked proud of himself. "And the guy I knocked out said he wanted to see Rosie naked," he said. "So I punched him in the face."

"You still can't just walk around hitting people," Penelope sighed. "Even if he deserved it."

"I'm the only boy," James said. "So I've gotta protect my sisters. Isn't that what you said, Dad?"

"Yes, I did, but I didn't mean for you to knock some kid out," Derek said sternly.

"Okay," James said, pondering. "Next time, maybe I should talk to a teacher… and then kick him in the balls."

Rose stifled a giggle and got up to ruffle her brother's wild hair. "You're a tool," she said scathingly, though she was smiling. "But you're my bubby."

"Stop calling me that," James grumbled.

"Bubby, we've got homework," Jess reminded him. James just scowled at her and huffed.

"So are you two okay with another baby?" Penelope asked.

Jess shrugged. "As long as I don't have to baby-sit," she said. "I don't like poop."

Kitty giggled. "Poop," she said.

"Yeah, poop, Kit-Kat," Jess said. "Babies poop a LOT."

James said, "Maybe it'll be a boy. So I don't feel so responsible for all these girls." He sighed dramatically.

"Okay, enough with the amateur theatrics," Derek said. "You three, go do your homework."

"What about me?" Kitty asked. "I don' gots homework."

"You can help me make dinner," Derek said.

Kitty whined. "Can't we get curry?" she pouted, looking so much like him that Penelope laughed.

"You know what, kiddo? Curry sounds good," Penelope said, "but you know what sounds better?"

"What?" Kitty asked.

"A big cracker barrel," Penelope said with a smile. They'd started a tradition of once a week, having a giant smorgasboard of cheese, sausages, cold cuts, crackers, and veggies and called it a cracker barrel, even though it was more like 'let's throw shit at the kids that they'll eat'.

"OH! It's cracker barrel night?" Kitty squealed. "YEAH, MOMMY – that's better than curry!"

"Good," Derek said. "And you can help me get the carrots and dip," he added.

Kitty gave Penelope a kiss and slid off her lap, heading for the kitchen with speed. "Come on, Daddy – let's make supper!" she cried.

"Go on, Daddy," Penelope said, squeezing Derek's hand. "I'm going to go try to talk to Eva."

"Good luck," Rose said. "She's been a real bitch lately."

"Young lady, do not make me wash your mouth out with soap," Derek said.

Rose rolled her eyes and tossed her head so her ponytail swung. "Really, Dad? Everyone says it."

"Better yet," Derek said, "I'll call Uncle Spencer and have him bring over one of his peppers –"

"Oh god," Rose said. "I'll be good," she promised.

"Holy nuclear peppers, Batman," James said.

"Okay, enough," Derek sighed. "Schoolwork. Now. Cracker barrel in an hour."

Penelope shooed everyone upstairs, then climbed the steps to the attic. Eva was sitting on her bed, fumbling with her tablet, and Penelope stopped in the doorway and said, "Can I come in?"

Eva stilled and didn't turn around. "It's your house, remember?" she asked. "You can do whatever you want."

Penelope sighed. "Baby," she said softly, "that's not what I meant."

"I know what you meant," Eva said. "And it's not like you care if you have permission anyway, because you do whatever the hell you want to do and don't really care what we want."

"Because a family isn't a democracy," Penelope said gently.

"No, Mom, it's not, but how the hell can you think it's a good idea to have another baby?" Eva demanded, whirling suddenly to face her mother. "Genetically speaking, your eggs are all kinds of starting to go bad – and the rate of chromosomal abnormalities goes up astronomically in both sperm and eggs in donors over forty. For god's sake, you're fifty-three! And Dad's fifty-nine!"

"I know how old we are," Penelope said, taking the last few stairs and coming over to sit in Eva's armchair. "Believe me, we both know how old we are. And that there's the potential for a lot of problems with this pregnancy. But the doctor says that the little one is doing just fine for now and it's best not to worry too much."

"But when he or she gets out of high school, Daddy will almost be seventy," Eva protested.

"Sweetheart, accidents happen," Penelope said. "And believe me, this was definitely an accident. I thought we were protected –"

Eva sighed and shook her head. "You and Daddy don't think enough," she said firmly. "You just act based on emotions instead of clear-headed thinking –"

"Maybe so," Penelope acknowledged. "But you know what?"

"What?"

"When your father walked into that house and saved you, I would have given him the world just to see your beautiful face one more time," Penelope said very softly, her voice suddenly choked with tears. "I would not trade any of my babies for the other – and I sure as hell would not love you any less because we're having another."

"It's irresponsible," Eva said, grabbing her tablet and bringing up what she'd been looking at. She marched over and thrust it under her mother's nose. "What if there's something wrong with the baby? Are you going to quit work to take care of it?"

"Yes," Penelope said simply.

"Mothers over fifty are also twice as likely to die in childbirth," Eva exclaimed. "MOM – LOOK AT THIS REPORT –" Her huge brown eyes were filled with tears. "You could leave us all just with Dad – what the hell would we do then?"

Penelope pulled Eva onto the chair with her and held her like she had since she was a tiny girl. "Oh, baby, I know you're scared," she whispered. "So am I, if that means anything. But this is the very last time, I promise."

"You said that when Kitty came," Eva reminded her.

"Like I said, this was an accident," Penelope sighed.

"I don't want you to die –"

"I have to die eventually, sweetheart," Penelope murmured. "But it's not going to be because of the baby. It's probably going to be when you have kids of your own and you give me a heart attack," she teased softly. She held Eva tighter and gave her a kiss. Even full-grown, Eva wasn't as tall as Penelope, and she was curved in all the ways that Penelope had been at her age – all hips, ass, and boobs – and her dark hair and fair complexion made her look exotic. They'd had to discourage all the boys as soon as she'd matured, but gave up when Eva decided she liked sex.

"I don't want kids," Eva said. "There are too many things that could go wrong. And I'd be a bad mom." She sighed and snuggled closer to Penelope. "Not like you."

"How is Henry?" Penelope asked. "You haven't mentioned him the last couple of weeks –"

Eva sighed. "He's seeing somebody now and doesn't have time for me," she said very quietly. "I suppose I deserve that, after Phillipe… and Mark… and Curt… and… oh god, I'm a slut."

"No, you just love being loved," Penelope said softly. "It's okay – and it's normal to want to feel love. And, hell, sex is normal – being slutty in your teens and twenties is actually about finding yourself and what you like."

Eva blushed and said, "Can we stop talking about it now?"

Penelope chuckled. "Yes, dear heart. Are you mad because Henry's seeing someone new or are you mad because he doesn't have any time for you because he's seeing someone new?"

"I'm mad because he doesn't want to see me," Eva huffed.

Penelope hid a smile – yeah, they'd been dancing for a damn long time. "Well, let me tell you – there will come a time when, if he wants to, he will see you. And he will want you. It just takes time."

"I'm tired of waiting," Eva said petulantly.

"I was thirty-nine when I met your Daddy," Penelope said softly. "And he saw right through to the heart of me. It isn't often that you find a love like that, sweetheart." She gave Eva a kiss. "You and Henry have known each other since you were four. You know all of each other's secrets. Just give it time." She squeezed Eva and said, "Now, Dad's downstairs with Kitty making up a cracker barrel for dinner. Are you coming down or did you have plans to go out?"

Eva sighed and said, "I don't have plans."

Penelope gave her another kiss and whispered, "You're still my precious little girl. Never forget that, Eva Marie Morgan. No matter what, I will never stop loving you."

"I know," Eva whispered back, holding her mother closer. "I'm sorry I yelled –"

"I know," Penelope murmured. "It's okay." They stayed like that, quietly holding each other and shutting out the rest of the world until Derek came up to tell them dinner was ready.

* * *

Penelope stepped into the doorway of the bathroom as she brushed her teeth, watching Derek finish making the bed. With all of the fighting during the family meeting, she'd forgotten that she'd left the sheets in the dryer and hadn't remade the bed. Of course, she wouldn't tell him to stop and let her do it – she liked watching his hard ass as he cornered the king-size bed and got everything situated. Watching him do mundane everyday things made her horny, and she'd never admit it to her shrink. It would get her locked up.

"Are you staring at me again?" he asked, coming around the back of the bed as he tucked in the blanket, looking straight at her.

She pulled the toothbrush out of her mouth and tried to hold all of the foam in as she said, "Well, duh." She failed, and a bit of toothpaste dribbled out of her mouth and down her chin. "Fuck." By the time she'd rinsed and spit, and back in the doorway, he was finished. "Damn," she sighed.

He raised an eyebrow. "Mrs. Morgan, there's something wrong with your head."

"I just think it's damn sexy when you make the bed," she said. "The bed where we have so… damn… much fun." Her voice lowered to a purr and she took a few steps toward him.

"Damn, gorgeous, are you trying to give an old man a heart attack?"

"Well, I'm not feeling sick tonight," she pointed out. "So that means I'm the other thing."

"Horny?"

"Baby, the entire time we were eating, all I could think about was you licking me," Penelope admitted. "I was trying very hard not to get carried away in front of the younglings. They generally disapprove of us getting frisky in front of them, remember?"

He licked his lips and just eyed her. She immediately felt her body heat up, the familiar tingles coming hard and fast – and he hadn't even touched her. That was fine, because two could play at that game. She toyed with the hem of her nightgown, averting her eyes, then yanked the whole thing off, flinging the piece of satin at his head. Even as he struggled to get it off his face, he was getting hard, and she was loving that they'd adapted to things enough to get this hot and bothered without even trying.

He chased her around the bed a couple of times before she finally climbed up onto it. He grabbed her ankles and yanked her flat onto her back, crawling up the bed over her, making her giggle breathlessly as he settled against her, their pelvises flush. "Oh, don't tease, Big Boy," she pleaded, initiating a series of hot, deliciously wet kisses that made her desperate to be fucked. "I said," she exhaled between kisses, "don't tease."

He rocked his hips against hers, his hard cock pressed against her, in a move reminiscent of their very first time together – a move that made them both smile fondly. "I know how you like it, Baby," he growled, nipping at her neck.

She whimpered and wished they weren't separated by so much fabric. Damn it, why did she have to wear panties to bed anyway? They usually ended up on the floor.

It didn't matter much, because he held her hips firmly in his hands, grinding against her as they kissed desperately. She moaned and clutched at his back, dragging her fingernails over his muscles as they moved. Soon, she was coming unglued at the seams, begging that he just let her come already. Something, anything – she couldn't stand the torture anymore.

He released her, leaving her cold and shaking with unspent lust and crankiness. "Damn it, Derek – you fucking prick –"

He growled and yanked her panties off, flinging them god only knows where, then pulling his boxers down. As he entered her with one stroke – a testament to how fucking riled up she was – she caught sight of her panties spinning around on one of the blades of the ceiling fan. Not that it mattered, really, because she was about to come – and god, he felt SO good inside her, hitting all the right places without even trying…

She was shaking with the force of her orgasm, but she bent her knees and met him hard thrust for hard thrust, kiss for kiss, and her nails dug hard into his back as he found a new angle that made her come so hard she almost blacked out. "Fuck," she breathed, her voice low and guttural with lust. "Fuck me, Derek – make me come for you… only you, baby."

He didn't say a word, just giving her a look that meant that he knew how she felt. And then he went back at it, listening to her unrestrained, breathless begging. "Yeah, Hot Stuff – that's right – harder – oh, like that, Baby – faster – fuck – god, I'm so close – so close, Stud – make me come, Derek – god – OHHHH – fuck yeah, baby – " She grabbed his ass, digging her nails in and spurring him on. "Fuck me like you mean it, Derek Morgan," she growled as the tremors started. He raised her ass off the bed with his hands and held her still, ramming into her with force. A low, keening noise left her lips, and she couldn't hold back the climax that swept her away. Her whole body spasmed and she bucked against him, desperate to prolong the pleasure that was wracking her. He kept thrusting, making her come over and over again, each one stronger than the last, till they were both – finally – spent.

"Dear fucking god," she panted for breath, still shaking. She didn't think she could try to lie with her legs together – they were quivering like jelly. "I've never – I've never come like that," she exhaled. "It was like – I don't even know. It was so good, baby – so good…"

"Stop talking, motormouth," Derek growled, covering his mouth with his hand. "I know you've never come like that – it's a good thing. We'll never get tired of fucking each other this way. Now shush and rest – you're still shaking."

She was almost asleep when she heard the doorknob rattle and a scratching noise on the door. "Mommy, are you 'wake?" Kitty whimpered. "There's a monster in my room – I'm scared, Mommy –"

Penelope looked over at Derek – who had fallen asleep already, and had his goddamn hand firmly resting on her pussy like a prick – then extracted herself from his grasp and went in search of clean underwear and something to wear. She grabbed one of his t-shirts and a clean pair of his boxers and went to become Super!Mom… and chase away the monster in Kitty's room.


	19. Chapter 19

Part nineteen:

"Okay, kiddo," Penelope said, getting Kitty into her booster seat in the car, "it's time to go get your glasses fitted."

"I don't like glasses," Kitty whined. "Nobody else has glasses but you and Evie."

Penelope gave her a kiss and said, "Well, that just means we're really special."

"No, it means we see funny and that's bad," Kitty sighed, pouting.

"Sorry, kiddo," Penelope said. "Those are the breaks sometimes – but remember, you picked those pretty pink glasses with the flowers on them?"

"Yeah," Kitty said.

"And they'll be yours for always," Penelope said gently. "No one else can wear them because nobody else has eyesight just like yours. So, let's go get them so you can stop having those headaches."

"Okay," Kitty finally agreed.

Penelope got her to behave at the optometrist's office by bribing her with lunch and shopping for a special case to keep her new glasses in. They were just leaving their favorite mother-daughter outing spot when Penelope felt someone brush by her, too close for comfort. She grabbed Kitty and almost ran when she felt something against her back.

"Good to see you, Penelope," the voice came low and breathy in her ear – the voice that chilled her to the bone. "Do as you're told and I won't stab you in the kidney. Hold the kid's hand and walk." She was guided to the parking lot and into a van that sat beside hers – a completely innocent looking van – and they were both shoved into the back seat.

Kitty stared at the man for a long time before she said, "You're a jerk."

"And you are going to shut your damn mouth," he said, binding Kitty's wrists with duct tape. "Or you're going to get your Mommy hurt."

Penelope felt a tear slide down her cheek. "Katherine, do as he says," she said very quietly. "Do just exactly what he says, baby."

"No, I won't!" Kitty yelped.

He gave Penelope a piece of duct tape and gruffly instructed, "Shut her up or I will end you both." Penelope took the piece of tape and very, very gently put it over Kitty's mouth.

She didn't have any time to worry about the whys or the wherefores of how Kevin Lynch was alive – all she could concentrate on was staying alive and keeping Kitty from getting them both killed. She didn't even struggle as he trussed her with duct tape like a turkey, not even when he put tape too tightly over her mouth, stretching the corners of her mouth till they bled.

He was very gentle as he laid them on the floor of the van, then he tossed Penelope's purse and Kitty's little Hello Kitty bag on the seat. "Now, we're going to take a little drive," he said. "But first, you two are going to take a nap." He pressed something against Penelope's nose and she fought for the first time – but he held her still and she breathed deeply from the rag.

When she woke up, she spent the first few minutes struggling to get enough air into her lungs because she was vomiting so hard. Dear god, what had he used to knock them out? What the hell was he planning – oh god, where was her precious Kit-Kat? Penelope looked around the tiny room – it only had room for a twin-sized bed, a sink, and a toilet – and began to panic. "Kitty?" she shouted, her voice strangely muffled. It didn't echo in the room. Soundproofing.

The bastard had her baby girl and she was stuck in a soundproofed room. Anything could be happening.

And wasn't he DEAD? Hadn't he been dead for years?

Her heart was racing and her stomach clenching – and she knew that her unborn child was already going to suffer terribly no matter what she did. God, Derek was in San Francisco with the team – he didn't even know she'd disappeared.

"LET ME OUT OF HERE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Penelope screamed, hammering on the walls with her fists, trying to find the elusive door. "WHERE IS MY DAUGHTER?"

"I'll let you out when you calm down," came Kevin's voice over the speaker. "Katherine has already calmed down – in fact, she's sitting right here beside me, eating some chocolate… say hi, sweetheart."

"Mommy, I want to go home now," Kitty said, her voice very quiet.

"Baby, are you all right?" Penelope asked anxiously. "Has he hurt you? Has he done anything to you?"

"No," Kitty whispered. "But I'm scared and I want Daddy."

Penelope exhaled and leaned against the wall. "Kevin, please, let me see her," she pleaded. "I need to know that she's all right –"

"You have my word that not a hair on her head has been harmed," Kevin said.

"Your word means nothing to me," she hissed. "Nothing – after what you did to Eva? Your word isn't worth the shit on my shoes!"

"All I did was take her," Kevin snapped. "It was Kurtis that did everything else."

Vague recognition flashed in the back of her mind. Kurtis – Kevin and Kurtis Lynch, twin brothers… She let out a howl and slammed her fists on the wall. "YOU FUCKER – LET ME OUT OF HERE!" she screamed. "You son of a bitch – "

"Do you talk like that in front of your kids all the time?" Kevin asked. "Or just when you're really mad, sweet cheeks?"

"You keep your fucking hands off my baby," Penelope shouted, pacing in the tiny room. "If you touch her, I will kill you – I swear to god, you son of a bitch –"

"Mommy, my tummy hurts," Kitty said over the speaker.

"Now, now, Mommy doesn't want to hear about your tummy hurting," Kevin said. "Mommy wants to be mad and yell and hit things – don't you, dear?" His voice became ice cold and mocking. "Mommy doesn't really care about her babies – she just likes having them till they get to be bigger and do their own things. Now, isn't that right, Mommy?"

Penelope stopped in her tracks and whispered, "Katherine, what did he give you to eat?"

"Just water, Mommy," Kitty moaned, "but my tummy hurts really bad –"

Penelope looked around the room, knowing she couldn't get out without his help. She hated herself in that moment, but fighting was going to get them both killed. She went still and she raised her hands slowly in surrender. "Okay, you win," she said. "You win – I need to see her, Kevin. What did you give her in the water?"

"Just a little something to make her a little more compliant," Kevin said. "Nothing that will hurt her."

She heard a noise, then one of the small walls opened. She stepped through the door and into a larger room, where Kitty was tied to a chair at a table, an array of sweets sitting in front of her. Kevin stood behind Kitty, just staring at Penelope. "I don't want to hurt your kid, sweetheart," he said. "And I don't want to hurt you. Why would I? I love you."

Penelope swallowed hard and knelt beside Kitty's chair. She checked the little girl over for any signs of outward trauma – and aside from some bruising on her wrists, there wasn't any. But her breathing was shallow and her pupils were dilated. "Did you even bother to reduce the dose to a child size?" Penelope asked, her voice low and hoarse.

"Of course I did – I'm not stupid," Kevin spat. "Not like you were when we kidnapped our first victim."

Penelope closed her eyes and exhaled weakly. "You told me the wrong amount," she said, her voice very quiet. "Don't – don't you ever remind me what you forced me to do."

"Better them than you, sweetheart," he said. He ruffled Kitty's hair and smirked. "She'll be fine. In a few hours."

Penelope stood up and faced him finally, head-on. "What do you want, Kevin?"

"Isn't it obvious, sweetie?" he asked, smiling. "I want you back. And I've been waiting long enough."

"Untie her," Penelope said quietly.

"Untie her yourself," he said. "God, you're still stupid, aren't you?"

Penelope immediately set to work untying the knots that held Kitty in her chair, then took the child into her arms. "I'm sorry," Penelope whispered to her.

"Mommy, I don't feel so good," Kitty whimpered.

"I know, baby," Penelope whispered. "But it'll go away soon. I promise." She looked up at Kevin and said, "If you've hurt her –"

He raised his hands. "I haven't done anything but give her a dose of lorazepam."

She picked Kitty up and carried her back to her prison cell, resting her daughter on the bed. Then she stepped back into the main room as soon as she knew Kitty was more comfortable. "Okay, what do you want –"

"I already told you, Penelope – I want you," Kevin said. "I made a mistake signing those papers. Every day you're not with me, I feel this emptiness –"

"Because you're psychotic," Penelope hissed.

"That's no way to treat your husband," Kevin said, his face twisting with rage. She automatically took a step back and found herself against the wall. "So I suggest you brush up on being a good wife, sweetheart."

"Derek is going to find us," Penelope said.

Kevin rolled his eyes and grabbed one of the butter knives from the table. He grabbed her hand and suddenly stabbed her palm, making her scream and collapse from the pain – until he extracted the tracking transponder from her hand and stomped it into oblivion. "Now how's he going to do that, precious?" he asked sarcastically. "Unless you had the brat implanted, too – but, no, she's too young. They don't do that till you're seven."

The pain was overwhelming. Penelope was on the verge of throwing up and losing consciousness all at once – and then he was pouring alcohol into the wound and she screamed until she went hoarse. Her hand was on fire – oh god - But he was ever so gentle when he wrapped it with gauze and tape. "There, now, all better," Kevin said softly. He pressed a kiss to her palm through the layers of bandage. "You have to trust me, Penelope – it's better this way."

"Let her go," Penelope whispered, her breath hitching dangerously low in her throat. "Let Kitty go home, please –"

"If I do that," Kevin said, "you have to give me something in return. And you have nothing to bargain with, beautiful." He leered at her. "So, really –"

"She means nothing to you," Penelope interrupted. "She doesn't need to be here, she didn't see anything –"

"Except my face," Kevin said. "Do you really think I'm stupid?"

"Kevin, she's six years old," Penelope whispered.

"I don't fucking care," he shouted, rounding on her with a vicious punch. She took it and looked at him through glazed eyes. "You shouldn't have done that," he hissed. "I don't want to hurt you."

"That never stopped you before," she said very quietly, looking up at him with sadness. He wasn't the sweet young man she'd married anymore – maybe he never was to begin with. It had all probably been a lie. She'd learned that too late, when he'd forced her to drug his first few victims. But when she'd botched one, he'd left her out of it completely – as long as she didn't tell anyone what he was doing. Oh, god, she'd been so young and so stupid…

"Stop trying to provoke me," Kevin warned. "Or something will happen to that little girl – and it will be all her Mommy's fault."

Penelope swallowed hard, tasting blood on her tongue. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "It won't happen again."

"Damn right it's not going to happen again," he said. "Because the next time it does, I snap her neck while you watch. You're right – she means nothing to me. But she means everything to you."

Penelope blanched. "Yes," she breathed. "She does."

"So we understand each other, then?" he asked, casually coming over and giving Penelope a gentle kiss on the cheek. "Be good – I'm going to go make supper."

Once he was gone and the door barred behind him, Penelope slid to the ground and lost her battle with the urge to lose consciousness.

* * *

Time was relative when you were locked up without any outside light – and no clocks. Penelope had no idea how long she and Kitty had been locked in the rooms – it could have been a day, it could have been a week. He fed them three times a day, and snacks besides – and everything was good, edible food. Once that dose of medication had worn off, he hadn't given either of them anything. It might have been a scare tactic to get Penelope to comply – and it worked. It worked so very well.

Kevin brought down a tray of food and set it on the table. Penelope stepped out of the sleeping room and said, "Can we talk?"

He raised an eyebrow and held up a spoon. "I don't trust you with anything other than this," he said. "Because if you have anything sharp, you could hurt yourself. So… give me something to trust you with, sweetheart."

Penelope swallowed hard and murmured, "This is no place for a child, Kevin. Not even with the amenities you've tried to provide. She's scared and I can't do anything to prove to her that we are safe. I'm not sure I can convince myself that we're safe, either."

He slammed the spoon onto the table. "Of course you're safe, you stupid whore. You're safe because you don't have that… man's… hands all over you. He's dirty, Penelope – and you lapped it up, didn't you?"

Penelope exhaled and whispered, "Kevin, please don't."

He laughed, the sound short and bitter. "You're going to have to do better, Penelope."

She paused, then said, "I – if you swear to me that you'll take her home…" She took a deep breath and plunged into the deep end of the pool, losing what was left of her self-respect. "I'll do anything you want, Kevin. And I won't fight you. We can play happy families – hell, we can have another baby if you want." She swallowed hard, thanking god that she still wasn't showing. His rage would be a thousand times worse once she did show. "Whatever you want – just let her go home." She reached over and caressed his face, brushing his hair back. "I'll be your wife again," she promised softly. "Just let her go, please, baby."

"Prove it," Kevin said, his voice cold and hard. He pointed at her left hand and said, "Take it off."

Penelope looked at her hand and closed her eyes, knowing that she had no choice. She took a deep breath and slipped her engagement ring and wedding band off her finger, handing them to him without comment.

"I bet they're fake," Kevin said, laughing. "That prick doesn't love you enough for real diamonds, does he?"

She whispered, "Do we have a deal?"

Kevin's smile turned cold. "Yes, dear, we have a deal. But now you have to do one thing for me. Get the kid out here."

Penelope retrieved a sleepy Kitty from the little room. "Sweetheart, you're going to go home today," she whispered. "And I love you so much – no matter what happens. Do you understand?"

Kitty nodded and followed her mother, holding her hand tightly.

"Kitty Kat," Kevin said, his voice sickly sweet, "you get to go home – did you Mommy tell you that?" Kitty nodded slowly and didn't say a word. "But you have to take a message to your daddy." He looked at Penelope and said, "Give her the rings."

Penelope swallowed hard, choking back her painful emotions as she placed the two rings in Kitty's hand. She knew what Kevin was asking her to do, and she had to find her voice. She felt a tear roll down her cheek as she pressed a kiss to Kitty's forehead.

"Give those to Daddy," Penelope said, her voice shaking. "And I… I need you to tell him that – that –"

"Spit it the fuck out," Kevin hissed.

"Tell him that I don't love him anymore," Penelope finally forced out, her voice cracking and breaking. "Tell him that I – I never loved him."

Kitty looked up at her mother, horrified. "Mommy, I'm not supposed to tell lies!" she gasped.

"It's not a lie if I lied in the first place," Penelope whispered, feeling sick to her stomach. "You go tell your Daddy that I want a divorce." She prayed that Kitty delivered the message word for word.

"Good job," Kevin said, giving Penelope a kiss. "I'll be back later – I have to take your bastard home to her deadbeat daddy."

And then Penelope was alone – completely alone. And her heart broke.


	20. Chapter 20

Part twenty:

Penelope rested against the cool tile in the shower, relishing the feel of hot water and soap on her skin. It had been days since she'd sworn her loyalty to Kevin and he'd finally let her out of the locked cages to take a shower and eat breakfast upstairs in the house. It felt so fucking good to take a shower that she never wanted to leave. And she'd seen the sun! The sun, oh god, it made her feel so happy for just a moment – which, she was sure, was its intended effect.

"You can't hog all the hot water," Kevin scolded from the doorway. "You need to do the laundry. I bought you some things – I hope you like them."

Penelope turned the water off and accepted the towel he held out for her. She had to get used to not being trusted with anything – he never let her out of his sight. And if he did, it was down in the locked cage where she couldn't do anything but go insane.

She looked at the spartan t-shirt, sweater, and jeans, then said, "Thank you – I love them, dear."

He grabbed her shoulder and said, "Say it like you fucking mean it."

She swallowed hard and murmured, "Thank you, baby – I love what you've given me, baby."

"That's better," he growled.

She grabbed the plain white cotton panties and bra that he'd left her, and got dressed quickly under his gaze. "So I'm supposed to do the laundry – anything else?" she asked quietly.

"I'd ask you to cook, but we both know that you fail at that," he said with a smirk. "So, you can clean. And make our bed."

She had known it would come eventually, but the realization of what she'd committed to made her sick. "Yes, sweetheart," she whispered. "What else?"

"Make sure you're clean for later," he said. "I can't stick my dick in a dirty whore, can I?"

She closed her eyes and whispered, "Yes, Kevin."

"Say it," he growled.

She looked at him, eyes pleading, then shook her head.

"Damn it, Penelope – SAY IT or I will fucking –"

She hesitated a moment, then whimpered at his raised hand. "I love you," she exhaled very weakly.

"Good," Kevin growled, backing her against the wall. "Now you better start saying it more."

He stormed away and she fought the urge to cry.

* * *

Penelope looked out the window at the woods. He finally trusted her enough to go outside and get the wood for the fireplace. She'd counted three weeks since she'd been free of the cage – but that didn't mean she was free of everything. He made her submit to disgusting sex acts during the day and what he did at night was even worse.

He conducted all of his business in a locked room that she couldn't get past. It required a retinal scan and a fingerprint. He kept promising to show her his world, but somehow never got the time to do it.

"You're getting fat," he commented wryly from the doorway. "Maybe I should change what I'm feeding you – wouldn't want you to get too comfortable."

She turned away from the window and stared at him. "But your cooking is the best food I've ever eaten," she said softly. "I can't help myself, Kevin."

"You know what I think?" he asked with a little smirk. "I think chocolate should be a reward for a job well done."

Penelope nodded and murmured, "I agree –"

"So start doing a good job," he said, his voice getting cold. "You're slipping at the dusting."

She blinked back a few tears and whispered, "Yes, Kevin. I'm sorry."

"Maybe if you do, I'll let you see my computers," Kevin said with a smile. "I bet you'd like that, wouldn't you, Penny?"

She nodded and looked back outside, wishing to god that she saw anything but trees.

* * *

She took in the set-up, ten monitors, several racked servers, a minimal CPU – but it would suffice to earn him his under the table living. That's how he'd been able to stay off the grid for so long. He had everything he needed to topple governments and ruin people all at his fingertips.

"May I – may I see my kids?" Penelope whispered. "Please?"

He whirled around in his chair. "The only 'kid' you have is Eva," he growled. "The others are bastards – they don't exist to us anymore." His face softened slightly. "But, yes, you can see Eva."

He hacked into the camera on her laptop and then she was there, typing and with such a look of sadness on her face. She was mouthing something, saying something – and then Derek was behind her and Kevin cut the feed.

But not before Penelope had gotten a glimpse of her beloved – and the ring still firmly on his finger. Oh god, was it too much to hope that Kitty had done what she'd been told?

Kevin turned and snapped. "Get the fuck out of here. NOW. Get out, Penelope –"

She did as he asked without a word, retreating to the kitchen where she could sit and gather her wits. Derek had to believe she was still alive – it was almost too much to hope that they would find her here… wherever here was.

She needed to do something, and fast.

"Kevin, baby," she called into the speaker outside his lair. "I wanted to make dessert tonight – since you're making those delicious pork chops. But we're out of apples. And we don't have any brown sugar."

"You know what, Penny? Fucking deal with it," he growled back.

"I would just deal with it if you let me drive to the store," she said very softly. "Baby, I just want you to be happy. And you can hack the security feed at the store and make sure I don't do anything naughty."

The door opened and he grabbed her wrist, wrenching it. "How fucking stupid do you think I am?" he hissed.

"I don't know what you're talking about, baby," she whispered, pulling her hand free. She closed her eyes for a moment, then slowly sank to her knees and unbuttoned his pants. "All I want is apples so I can make you dessert," she said, licking his length. When she was done and she felt like a dirty whore, she averted her eyes and whispered, "I'm sorry I made you angry, Kevin."

"No," he said, pulling up his underwear and pants. "I'm sorry – I thought…" Kevin stopped and shook his head. "We'll go to the store. You and me." He looked at her for a long moment, then said, "You've been doing very well the last few days. You deserve a reward."

"I love you," she said, her voice low and even, though she was dying of sudden excitement inside. "I do, Kevin – I love you so much." She licked her lips and murmured, "Derek Morgan doesn't understand what I need like you do – structure. Rewards. Real love." She wondered for a brief moment if she was laying it on too thick, but couldn't take the words back once they'd been said.

"He doesn't know anything about love – real love," Kevin said sharply. "Go put your sweater on, Penny. We're leaving as soon as you're ready."

The drive to the store was silent, aside from the radio playing some god-awful rap from the 00s. She tried not to cringe, but instead just looked out the windows, counting the mile markers and looking at highway signs. She was still in Virginia. But where, she wasn't certain.

They pulled into a parking lot and Kevin slammed the gears into park. He handed her ten dollars and said, "Buy only what you need and bring back the change." He looked at her for a long moment, then said, "I trust you, Penelope."

She took the money and went into the store by herself, getting only what she needed – two apples, brown sugar, and nutmeg – before leaving again. She avoided showing her face to the cameras, knowing that it was too soon to make a serious bid for her freedom. She needed to have his absolute trust before she cut him down.

She got back into the car and handed him a dollar and eighteen cents in change, and the receipt. And she was silent the entire drive back to the house in the middle of nowhere.

* * *

Penelope woke up in the middle of the night to muffled sounds downstairs. Kevin hadn't been to bed – hell, he hadn't even been home to make dinner. He'd been grumbling about her maudlin behavior all morning and had been getting very upset about her "getting fat". She'd merely told him that it was because she was used to working out in her spare time. He'd bought it, but she was going to have to plan things very carefully soon.

"Kevin?" she called as she went downstairs in her bare feet on the cold wood. "Baby, is that you?"

He appeared at the door to the basement. "Penelope, go back to bed," Kevin snapped.

Her heart sank, knowing suddenly with certainty that he had someone downstairs. And their life was in jeopardy as much as hers. "No," she said softly. "I heard noises and thought you'd gotten hurt – I'm worried about you, baby." She came over and laid her hands on his chest. "I love, you, remember? I don't want you to get hurt."

"Penelope, just go back to bed," he growled.

She caressed his cheek and murmured, "Only if you come with me."

He pushed her away, and she stumbled back into the freezer, knocking things off of it in a rain of danger. He immediately came back to her and held her for a moment. "Penny, I'm sorry – it was supposed to be a surprise," he sighed. "But you just – damn it, why do you have to know everything?" He grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the door. She shivered in the cold of the basement, even more so when the table and chairs came into view. He grabbed his tablet off the table and punched up the video from the tiny cage, projecting it on the far wall.

Penelope gasped and said, "Kevin – oh god, why would you – let her out. Baby, please, let her out," she begged.

"She didn't even put up a fight," Kevin said. "She's beautiful, Penelope – she looks like my mom."

Penelope reached out to touch the soft lines of Eva's face and turned to face him. "She's a wonderful present, Kevin – and I'm so surprised," she murmured. "And pleased. Now we can be a family again." She knew that was what he wanted to hear. "But you have to let her out so I can see her."

Kevin snorted a little. "Not yet," he said. "Maybe tomorrow." He smiled and handed her a key ring. "You've earned this," he said softly. "There's a key for everything in the house – but my office." He leaned in closer. "That means you can let her out in the morning, baby girl."

The endearment made her queasy. She fought the urge to throw up in his face, instead, just nodding.

"And if you're very, very good," he said gently, "I'll give you the keys to the van."

She nodded again and whispered, "Thank you, baby – I love you." The words had no meaning anymore.

He said, "I'm going to turn on the speaker. Do you want to say good night to our little girl?"

Penelope hesitated, then nodded. He flicked on an app on the tablet then said, "Eva, sweetheart, I have someone who wants to say good night – "

She took a deep breath then murmured, "Hello, Princess…"

Eva's head whirled from side to side as she looked for an avenue of escape. "Mommy?" she asked very quietly, turning in a circle. "Mommy, are you okay?"

"You just lie down and rest," Penelope said softly. "The drugs in your system will make you sick for a few more hours – but I'll let you out in the morning and you can have my coffee."

"Are you okay?" Eva repeated, finally pinpointing the camera in the cell and staring at it with alarming intensity.

"Yes, baby," Penelope said, her voice cracking. "I'm much better now that you're here."

Eva seemed to accept the words at face value and sat down on the bed. "I love you, Mommy," she said very quietly.

"I love you, too, Eva Marie," Penelope whispered. "I love you so much."

Kevin flicked the switch on the app and turned off the camera. "So… how do you like your surprise?" he asked eagerly. "It wasn't even difficult to get her – she was on her way to her car after class, and I just grabbed her. She didn't even put up a fight, Penelope – like she knew who I was. She knows her daddy –"

Penelope smiled at him and said, "I love my present." Not for the reasons he'd hoped. But Eva gave her a reason to live, a hope that extended beyond the walls.

* * *

As soon as Kevin was in his office, Penelope flew down the stairs and fumbled with the keys until she found the right one for the tiny prison. She pulled open the door and said, "Eva, you better get up and come with me."

Eva blinked up at her and whispered, "He just came out of nowhere and put a rag over my face –"

"I know," Penelope murmured. "He told me."

"You said he was dead –"

"I thought he was," Penelope said. "Now get up and come with me. You don't want to make him angry. Do exactly as I say, do you understand? If he asks you to do something, do it. Submit to him and do not make him upset."

Eva grabbed her mother's hand and held it for a long moment. "Why is he doing this to us?" she asked, her voice shaking with barely-repressed fear.

Penelope exhaled a low sigh and said, "Because he loves us and wants to be a family again."

Eva shook her head and said, "But that's crazy –"

"Be quiet," Penelope whispered. "He could be watching."

"Okay, well – what now?" Eva asked.

"Now you come upstairs and have some breakfast," Penelope said softly.

* * *

During lunch, Kevin looked at Penelope and said, "She needs clothes. I didn't realize she was so short." He gestured at Eva, who was sitting ram-rod straight in her chair, picking at the food on her plate. "Don't pick at it," he shouted, slamming his glass onto the tabletop. "Fucking eat it."

"Kevin, she's still sick from the sedative," Penelope said gently. "It took me a couple of days to get it out of my system, remember?"

He scowled at her, then said, "If I give you my credit card and give you the keys, will you go get her clothes? I have an election to rig this afternoon."

"It would be easier if she came with me, so we could get a good fit," Penelope said softly.

Kevin snarled. "Right…"

"It's important to young women," Penelope reminded him gently. "Remember when you met me, baby?"

"Just get her something that will fit," he muttered. "And lock her in the basement before you go."

"Baby, is that any way to treat our daughter?" Penelope asked. She got down on her knees beside him and gave him a quick hand job under the table so Eva wouldn't have to see. "She's not going to run away. We've both talked about this already. No one is going anywhere. We're a family now."

"She hasn't proven that to me," he said. "So she stays in the basement."

Penelope exhaled and nodded. "All right," she said softly. "And I'll get you more socks, since you've got so many holes in the ones you have already –"

"Baby?" he said, grabbing her not-sticky hand. "Buy yourself something pretty. I love your pussy in something lacey –"

She nodded and smiled a little. She was going to be a free woman at the end of the day, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Her plan had been to get the keys and run till her gas ran out. But now that Eva was there and couldn't leave… she was going to get attention and then send up the biggest smoke signal she could.

She was going to burn the house to the fucking ground while he sat in his lair.

* * *

Penelope walked into the "Mart" and made a beeline for ladieswear. She glanced through the things, picking a few in Eva's size before she made a huge fuss in front of a mother with two kids. "Oh my god, I left my phone at home," Penelope sobbed. "I need to call my husband and make sure there's enough money in the account to cover this – damn it –"

"You can use mine," the woman said with a smile, handing it over.

Penelope hesitated for a moment, then dialed the FBI central switchboard. "This is Agent Penelope Morgan, ID number 91056781432ZEP," she said. "Run vocal recognition patterns and trace this call. Patch me through to the BAU." A moment later, she heard Hotch's voice and she let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding.

"This is Agent Hotchner –"

"Hotch, it's me," Penelope said, her voice going very quiet. "I don't know if this call is being traced or if there's tracking activity other than what I just initiated – and I don't know where I am. Some fucking… Walmart somewhere in Virginia."

Hotch made a strangled noise. "You're less than an hour from Quantico," he said. "Penelope – Eva's disappeared."

"No, she's with me," Penelope said softly. "You're going to want to send in an air team. All I know about where we've been kept is that it's off of a county highway and it's hidden in the trees."

"How will we find you?" he asked.

Penelope smiled a little. "You won't be able to miss it, Bossman. Trust me. Just look for the bonfire. Give me two hours, and then you better come to the rescue – or I'm never going to forgive you."

"I'll be there," Hotch promised.

"And tell Derek… tell Derek that I love him," she whispered.

"He already knows," Hotch assured her. "Now go."

She gave the phone back to the woman and thanked her, then purchased the clothes, some socks, and a couple of pairs of lace panties – to appease her jailer.

She stopped at the gas station on the way back and bought a couple gallons of gasoline.

And she had no regrets.

* * *

She knew his lair was soundproofed, too. So Penelope enlisted Eva's help in moving the freezer in front of the door. Even if he got it open in time, there was no way he was getting out alive. Vindictive? No, she didn't think so.

She started upstairs, soaking random things in gasoline, then moving on. By the time she got downstairs to the living room – to the hated couch, she went a little overkill.

"Mommy, come on," Eva hissed. "We have to go. We have to go NOW."

Penelope took one last look around her prison and walked away, taking the keys as her trophy. She filled a milk bottle with gasoline and set it on fire before hurtling it through the open window.

Within moments, the house was in flames.

"Come on, baby," Penelope whispered. "Come on – find me – I know you can…"

The flames rose higher and higher through the woods, and suddenly, she saw a helicopter. Penelope burst into tears and waited for the ground crew to sweep in.

She knew the first SUV would be Hotch, JJ, and Derek – it always was. And they didn't disappoint.

Derek jumped out of the SUV, gun drawn, pointing it at them – and then he lowered it. Penelope smiled at him, tremulously, and said, "Don't worry about this – I… I've had it covered."

He stared at her, speechless.

"Hot Stuff, say something, please," she said.

He grabbed her and crushed her to him, holding her so tightly she couldn't breathe. And suddenly she realized that he was crying – not just crying… no, he was sobbing like his world had ended and was suddenly reborn.

"Don't you ever – ever scare me like that again," Derek begged, sobbing like a child. "Don't ever, Baby Girl – don't ever…"

She kissed him, holding back her own tears of relief that her hell was over. "I won't," she promised. "Now, please take me somewhere I can get out of these clothes – I feel dirty."


	21. Chapter 21

Part twenty-one:

No one denied Derek, Penelope, and Eva the right to huddle in the back of the SUV as they drove to the hospital. No one denied Derek, Penelope, and Eva the right to their privacy in the hospital as they detailed their captivity to Hotch. No one dared deny them the right to allow Derek to guard his family's room after anything that had passed.

Much later, they returned to the BAU so Eva and Penelope could write their statements. And that was when they got word from the fire team that Kevin Lynch was, in point of fact, dead. He hadn't been intelligent enough to build a secondary exit from his safe room. And when he'd opened the door in the middle of the fire, there was an immediate backdraft. He was dead.

When she heard the news, Penelope's only response was a tiny smile. She hadn't wanted to become a monster, but that's what she'd had to do in order to stay alive. He never would have let them go without a fight.

Derek held her tighter in the elevator, his arm protectively around her waist. The baby was fine, despite the stress to Penelope's heart and mind during captivity. It was one tiny favor to be thankful for. "Baby Girl," he said very softly, "I love you."

She looked up at him and whispered, "I love you, too."

The elevator doors opened and they stepped through. Will and Henry were waiting for them in the Bullpen, and Henry almost fell over things in his haste to get to Eva and hold her as she started to cry. "Thank god, Evie – thank god – I came as soon as Dad called," Henry choked out, holding back his own tears.

Eva buried her face in Henry's chest and just held on. "I'm sorry – I'm so sorry we were fighting and I yelled at you and I'm sorry –" she sobbed, her voice muffled.

"Hey, kid," JJ said, waving her hands at Henry, "you need to let her go write her statement. She's going to be here a while – she's not going anywhere."

Henry glowered at his mother, and Eva sniffled and wiped her eyes on Henry's shirt. "It's okay," Eva murmured. "She's right –"

"No, she's not," Henry growled, pointing at his mother. "You shut up."

JJ held up her hands, eyes wide. "Okay," she said, somewhat taken aback.

Derek and Penelope just watched the scene unfold quietly, not quite sure where it was going.

Henry held Eva's hands and said, "I love you, Squishy."

Eva smiled at him and said, "I love you, too, George."

They'd nicknamed each other after cartoons – "Oh I will love him and hold him and love him and call him George." "Oh, I will take him for walks and call him my Squishy!" – when they were just kids. It was something that was constant and never changed in their lives.

"No, Evie, not like best friends," Henry said, his voice very quiet. "Like… big scary real love. I thought I lost you, Squishy. I really did. And I – I love you. I always have. Ever since you came to see Uncle Spencer's stupid magic tricks when we were four."

Eva's eyes widened. "Henry, you – you have a girlfriend. That's why we we're fighting," she reminded him very quietly.

"We broke up," he said.

"When?" she asked.

"When she told me it was stupid to fly across the country to sit in the FBI offices when there was absolutely nothing I could do to help find you," Henry said. "I walked out of her dorm room and didn't look back. Because if I wasn't here when you came home – I was going to lose my mind." He was shaking as he held her hands. "I can't live without my Squishy," he whispered.

Eva glanced away at her mother for just a moment. Penelope held her eyes and nodded with a tiny smile. But then Eva looked back at him and said, "You don't love me like that." She shook her head and whispered, "You look at me like your best friend and you don't see me –"

"Bull," Henry said. "That's – that's horse shit, Eva." He exhaled and ran his hands through his hair. "I've always seen you. I just… you want flashy guys and I'm not."

She hesitated for just a moment before she breathed, "I only ever wanted you, stupid."

"Really?" he asked, looking a little taken aback. "Seriously?"

Eva nodded and smiled a little. "I mean, what's Squishy without her George?" she asked really quietly, leaning in to kiss him gently on the lips.

When she pulled away, Henry looked dazed. "Evie – you mean it?" he asked. She nodded and he said, very quickly, "Marry me."

She stared at him, shocked. "Henry, we haven't even been on a date –"

"We've been dating since we were four," he argued. "Just – don't leave me ever again, Eva. Please."

She hesitated a moment, then took his hand decisively. "Yes. We'll go fight the dragons together," she promised. "As long as you wash your own underwear."

He laughed and leaned in to kiss her. "I can do that," he whispered.

Derek finally cleared his throat. "Okay, you two," he said in a firm tone. "Am I going to have to shoot you, Henry?"

Henry pulled back and released Eva. "No, sir, Uncle Morgan, sir," he said, still holding her hand. "I've done nothing untoward to your daughter, sir –"

"Yet," Derek said.

"I'm just… I'm going to marry her, sir," Henry said. At the look on Derek's face, he stammered, "If – if you and Aunt Pen will let me, I mean."

"Daddy, don't shoot him," Eva said very quietly. "I love him."

Penelope squeezed Derek's hand and murmured, "They really love each other, sweetheart. Just let them be."

Derek glared menacingly at Henry. "I swear to god, if you hurt my little girl – I know where your parents live," he growled.

"Hey, now, leave me out of it," Will said with a laugh. "You can have Jenny, though… she's been encouraging this since they were four."

"Look, you," JJ snapped, poking Will in the chest with one finger, "you are just as guilty as I am in this. Remember when they used to go into the closet and –"

"Whoa, now, why am I just now hearing about this?" Derek asked, glaring at JJ.

"Daddy, nothing happened," Eva sighed.

Henry smirked a little, then said, "Except Homecoming night when I was a junior…"

"I heard that," Derek growled.

Eva flushed bright red and said, "Okay, fine – Henry and I have had sex. Jesus, Daddy, it's not like we live in Victorian times or anything –"

"I should've gone cave man and dragged you home," Henry said.

"Try it and I'll show you the meaning of pain," Eva replied. Her stern words were punctuated with a tiny little smirk as she squeezed his hand.

"I… hate to break this up," Hotch interrupted. "Because it's actually fascinating in a really… sick way… but Eva and Penelope need to give their statements on the case so we can go home."

Eva smiled a little and kissed Henry. "Tomorrow," she said firmly, "we need to talk. Really talk."

He smiled goofily and nodded. "Yes, ma'am, Mrs. La Montagne, ma'am."

She blushed and smiled. "George, you're silly," she said very softly. "And I love you, stupid."

"I love you, too," Henry said, letting go of her hand. "Tomorrow," he promised.

"Henry," Penelope called softly, and he came over to her. She looked him up and down, and murmured, "If you hurt my little girl, I promise you that Derek isn't the one you have to worry about, sweetheart. Because I'll rip your heart out of your chest. Do you understand me?" He nodded, looking scared to death. She smiled sweetly and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Welcome to the family, honey. It's been a long time coming, hasn't it?"

"Yes, ma'am," Henry choked out.

Penelope rolled her eyes and sighed. "I'm not going to hurt you right now," she said in exasperation. "God – go home and get some sleep. You look like crap."

* * *

It was past two in the morning when Derek pulled into the driveway. Eva had fallen asleep in the back seat, and he smiled softly. "Remember when I brought her home before?" he asked.

"How can I forget?" Penelope whispered, reaching for his hand and squeezing it.

"She fell asleep in the back like that on the way home," Derek said. "And when she woke up, she was home and she wanted to see you."

Penelope whispered, "Well, she's home now. And you definitely can't carry her like she's four anymore," she teased softly. "So we should probably wake her up."

"I'm awake," Eva mumbled, yawning and stretching. "Are we home?"

"The car is stopped in the driveway and you ask if we're home?" Derek replied.

"I can't wait to sleep in my own bed," Eva said. Derek opened the garage door and they all went in through the garage.

They weren't expecting to see the entire family camped out in the living room in their pajamas, sound asleep. Even Rossi had the footrest up and had fallen asleep in his sweats and robe. Penelope's heart clenched at the sight of her children and she whispered to Derek, "I want to give them all kisses before we go upstairs."

He gave her a kiss and whispered, "We've been lost without you."

"I've missed you all so – so much," Penelope confessed, starting to cry. She tried to be very quiet as she crept around the room, pulling up blankets and giving her sleeping children kisses. But when she came to Kitty, who wasn't sleeping with her usual doll – but rather, an old, beat-up Incredible Hulk doll that they'd gotten from Henry – she lost it and started outright sobbing as she kissed Kitty's forehead.

Kitty stirred sleepily and looked up at her through squinty eyes. "Mommy?" she whispered.

"Shh, baby," Penelope choked out. "Go back to sleep –"

Kitty jumped up and shrieked, "MOMMY! MOMMY, YOU'RE HOME!"

Rose woke up immediately and fell off the loveseat. "Mom?" she said, staring at Penelope for a long moment before she finally got up off the floor and hurtled herself through the air to get to Penelope and hug her. "Mommy – where were you? I've been so scared – I've been praying for you, Mom –"

Kitty hugged her mother from behind, planting her face in Penelope's butt and snuggling up. The twins were next, first James, sleepily stumbling over and trying to find somewhere to hug, then Jess, who was crying harder than Penelope was. Derek and Eva came in from the sides and hugged everyone. Kitty mumbled, "Mommy, I'm gettin' squished – please don't fart."

Despite her tears, Penelope started laughing. "Oh, Kit-Kat…"

Eva couldn't hold back a giggle, either. "Kitty, if you hadn't put your face in Mom's butt…"

"But…" Kitty sighed. "Daddy, you're squishin' me."

"And this is why family hugs were outlawed," James said sagely. "Because Mom farts and the whole thing's ruined."

Rossi stirred from the chair and said, "What's going on?"

"Uncle Rossi, Uncle Rossi, MOMMY'S HOME!" Kitty squealed in excitement. "Mommy's home and she's okay – and we love her," she added, suddenly muffled by Penelope's backside as they tried to undo the family hug. "Ugh, MOMMY – you farted," she whined.

"Sorry," Penelope laughed, reaching down to ruffle Kitty's hair when she was free again. "I'll make it up to you, sweetheart…"

"No, that's okay," Kitty said. "You're home. You don' gots to make nothing up for me," she said firmly. "You made him let me go, Mommy. I gots to do things for you now. Just… don't fart on me again, okay? Please?"

"No more farting on you," Penelope promised, kneeling down and looking at her daughter. "The bad man didn't hurt you, did he? When he brought you home?"

Kitty shook her head. "No," she whispered. "But he said a lot of mean things about you and Daddy. But I don't believe none of them."

Penelope kissed her and whispered, "That's my good girl. Now, you better get your blanket and go upstairs and go to bed. Tomorrow's a big day –"

"It is?" Kitty asked.

"Yeah," Penelope said with a smile. "We're going to have a party. Just for our family."

"Because you and Evie are home?" Rose asked.

"YES!" James said, pumping his fist in the air. "WE DON'T HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL!"

"Just this once," Derek said. "Just this one time, we're going to be together and be a family, okay?"

Kitty smiled and grabbed her Hulk doll and her blanket and ran up the stairs. Rose and Eva followed her, holding hands and talking quietly. Last but not least, the twins raced each other up the stairs, leaving the adults behind.

Rossi came over and gave Penelope a hug. "Kitten, I'm so glad to see you," he said softly. "I don't know how you two do it – cope with this circus, I mean…"

Penelope smiled and gave him a kiss. "I'm so happy to be home, you don't even know," she whispered. "Thank you – thank you – for taking care of my babies when I couldn't –" She leaned into his shoulder and just held on for dear life. "I'm so sorry –"

"No, don't you dare apologize," Rossi said firmly. "Don't even do it."

"I'm tired and emotional and –"

"Then go to bed," Rossi said firmly. "Go to bed and sleep and everything will look better in the morning. Won't it, Derek?"

"Everything's already better," Derek said softly, his voice low and thick with emotion. "Because you're home."

Penelope released Rossi and took Derek's hand. "I love you," she whispered, finally feeling like the words had meaning again. "I love you – so much –"

"Come to bed," Derek said softly, leading her away. He led her to their room and helped her undress and redress in one of his old FBI t-shirts and sweatpants, then stripped down to his boxers and pulled her under the covers.

She felt safe for the first time in a long time.


	22. Chapter 22

Part twenty-two:

"Shh, don't wake her up," Derek whispered.

Penelope was still half-asleep, but she was just awake enough to feel Kitty crawl under the covers with them, settling between her and Derek. And then she felt a few more dips on the mattress, and the next thing she knew, she was waking up with her entire family cuddled up. "Hey," she mumbled, yawning a little. "What's all this?"

"You're home," Rose said simply, hugging her from behind.

"And we missed you," Jess added from the other side of Derek.

"And we don't have to go to school!" James threw in from the foot of the bed.

"Hi, Mommy," Kitty whispered. "Is that my baby brother or sister?" she asked, gently putting her little hands on Penelope's belly.

"You bet it is," Derek said with a smile.

Eva asked, "Do you want it to be a boy or a girl?"

"I just want the baby to be healthy after everything that's happened," Penelope said softly. "I don't care one way or the other. All of you are special, and would be just as loved and wanted if you were the opposite gender…"

"What she said is that she loves you all whether you're boys or girls," Derek said, when Kitty looked at him with confusion in her eyes.

"Oh," Kitty said. "Well, I want a little brother."

"Well, we should be able to find out what the baby is the next time I go to the doctor," Penelope said softly. "So, you just keep wishing and hoping, sweetheart."

Kitty smiled at her, a big gap in her row of front teeth. "Okay, Mommy –"

"Hey, now, when did you lose that big tooth?" Penelope asked, smiling. "Did the Tooth Fairy come?"

Everyone rolled their eyes, including Kitty. "The Tooth Fairy gave Uncle Rossi $20 to put under my pillow because Daddy had to take me to the dentist and get my tooth yanked, 'cause it was hangin' out by a root," Kitty said. "And Uncle Rossi woke me up puttin' it under my pillow."

Penelope stifled a laugh. "Poor baby," she murmured. "I'm sorry I missed it –"

"It's okay, 'cause this other one is loose, too, Mommy," Kitty said cheerfully. "Just don't let Uncle Rossi be the Tooth Fairy no more, okay?"

Penelope gave her a kiss. "Nope," she replied. "The Tooth Fairy is only going to give Daddy and me things for you," she promised.

Kitty exhaled in relief. "Thank you, Mommy."

"Hey, who wants breakfast?" Derek asked.

"Daddy?" Eva said quietly. "Can we go get pancakes?"

"Oooh, pancakes 'cause Mommy came home!" Kitty said excitedly.

Derek nudged James awake with his foot. "Hey, kid – you want pancakes?" he asked.

James yawned. "Sure, Dad," he said.

Rose hugged Penelope tighter and said, "We haven't gone to get pancakes since you got taken. Because it wasn't right without you, Momma."

Penelope smiled and was about to say something, but stopped short and pressed a hand to her abdomen. "Derek – the baby just kicked," she said softly, her tone full of awe. No matter how many times she went through it, that first kick was magical. She'd felt the baby moving around and fluttering, but this was the first true, strong kick. She grabbed his hand and put it where she'd felt the movement, and he grinned at her when it happened again.

"Oh, that's a strong one," Derek said with a grin. "Definitely another little girl –"

"Daddy," Kitty sighed, "it's a BOY." She scowled, then said, "Mommy, I wanna feel." Derek moved his hand, grasping Kitty's hand to press it gently where they'd felt the kick. Kitty's eyes widened and she said, "That's my baby brother kicking?"

"It is," Penelope said softly, smiling.

"Hi, baby," Kitty said excitedly. "I can't wait till you come out!"

"Hey, now, don't encourage them," Penelope warned. "You wanted to be born when you'd only been in Mommy for four months, kiddo – we don't want that."

Kitty sighed. "I just wanted to meet you, Mommy," she said.

"Yes, and I had to make them stitch you in here till you'd been in for eight months," Penelope said firmly. "You were a very naughty baby."

Kitty hesitated a moment, then said, "BABY, STAY IN THERE. BE GOOD."

"Okay," Derek said, "everybody up – get showers and dressed. James, don't forget the deodorant, my man. We want to go out and look like a nice family when we get breakfast, guys, not a bunch of hooligans."

"What's hooligans?" Kitty asked.

Rose giggled. "Daddy and Aunt Desi and Aunt Sarah," she said.

Derek pointed at her. "None of your sass, young lady," he said, trying to keep a straight face. "Now, everybody out – Eva, can you make sure Uncle Rossi is up and ready to go with us?"

"I can," Eva replied. "Dad… can Henry come with us?"

The crease in Derek's brow grew deeper. Penelope leveled a gaze at him, and he sighed. "Yes, he can meet us at the place," he grumbled.

"And can he come home with us and spend the day?" Eva asked.

"Don't push your luck," Derek growled. Penelope reached over Kitty to slap him. "Okay, okay – yes, your fiancé can come with us," he sighed. "And he can partake in family togetherness day –"

"Please tell me you already called the schools and told them that the kids wouldn't be there," Penelope said, "because class started like an hour ago."

"And you slept right through it," Derek said, waggling his eyebrows.

"Uh oh," Eva said. "Everybody out – they're going to start making out."

"Oh, gross," James yelped, hopping off the bed and taking off at warp speed. Jess followed, and Kitty just giggled. Rose struggled a little, then gave up, because Eva hadn't moved. Eventually, everybody got out and the lines for showers began.

Derek smiled and said, "Do you know how happy I am to wake up with you?"

"I do, and I can definitely say that it's nowhere near as happy as it makes me," Penelope whispered, holding his hand. "But I'd be happier if I could wear my rings again, Hot Stuff."

He fumbled for a minute before he took a chain from around his neck. "I forgot to give them back," he admitted a little sheepishly. "I was more focused on making sure you and the baby and Evie were okay –"

"I know," she murmured, smiling softly.

"Baby, I'm sorry," he said softly. "I'm sorry I didn't protect you better –"

She pressed a finger to his lips to silence him. "I remembered everything you taught me when I did my agent training," she said softly. "And I learned a few new tricks. So don't you dare talk about protecting me, Super Agent. I didn't take my gun because we were just going to the optometrist and lunch. So, in that regard, it's my fault."

"Baby, you can't blame yourself," Derek said, pulling her closer. "We – we can't blame ourselves for him. We'd spend our entire lives blaming –"

She swallowed hard and whispered, "I couldn't let him hurt Kit-Kat. I couldn't."

"Baby Girl," he said very softly, "no. Not now. It's too soon. Just… stop. Be happy to be home. Be happy to be back with us."

"I woke up," she whispered, "and the sun wasn't up yet and I – I thought you were him. And I wanted to hurt him – "

"Baby," he said, his voice very calm and even, "it gets better. But it takes time. I love you, Penelope –"

"I should sleep on the couch," she said, pulling away from him. "I'm sorry – I didn't –"

"Sweetheart –"

She shook her head, tears in her eyes. "I almost hurt you," she whispered. "I shouldn't be allowed in here till I know I won't."

He slipped her rings off the chain and put them back onto her finger. "I trust you," he said very quietly. "I trust you with my heart, Penelope, and that means more than anything else. Now, if I wake up in the middle of the night and you're standing over me with a knife, you better aim for the heart – 'cause otherwise, I'mma shoot me a crazy bitch." He waggled his eyebrows and grinned at her. "Aw, come on, that didn't even get a smile?"

Something in her snapped like a rubber band and she started crying; it was like the shock finally wore off. She was free, she was home – and this was Derek, not Kevin… This was real, this wasn't just another dream. She had everything… and didn't know how to hold onto it.

"Hey," Derek said softly, wiping away her tears. "Baby, it's okay – I promise."

"I just – I thought – I thought I was dreaming and it's real," she sobbed, holding onto him like he was her teddy bear. She was going to squeeze the stuffing out of him. "You're really here –"

"Yeah, I am," he murmured. "Shhh, don't cry… Baby Girl, don't cry. I love you. I missed you so much –"

"I don't ever want to go away again," she whispered. "I just – I just want to be with you and my babies."

"Shh," he soothed. It took a couple of minutes, but she finally stopped crying. "Now, if we wait much longer, we're going to have a riot of hungry kids downstairs," he warned. "And James gets mean if he doesn't get food." He rolled over and got her glasses off the nightstand, then gently put them on her nose. He smiled softly and murmured, "Hey, there she is – there's my Penelope."

"There's the not-so-blurry man I married," she said back, smiling just a little. Her smile faded and she sighed. "I don't know if I have any clothes to wear."

"We'll go shopping," Derek said. "But till then, I don't care if you wear my workout clothes."

She sighed. "I'm going to look grungy and everyone else is going to look nice."

He shrugged. "I'll dress down –"

"Baby," she murmured, "your version of dressing down usually gets you ten phone numbers. And I'm not in the mood to kill a bitch today. I did that yesterday."

"You know what?" he replied. "You're damn right you did – and now we're going to wear grungy old sweats and go get pancakes with our kids. You know why? Because we can."

She hesitated a moment, then smiled. "Yeah – because we can," she agreed.

* * *

"So, who's actually getting pancakes?" Rossi asked, looking around the table.

"Me," Kitty said.

Penelope looked at the menu and contemplated it for a moment, then said, "I want pancakes… with bananas and blueberries in the shape of a smiley face."

"Oooh, can I get that?" Kitty asked. "I want that –"

Eva smiled a little and nodded. "We always used to get that when Daddy would come home," she said softly, squeezing Henry's hand. "Remember, Henry?"

"Yeah," Henry replied. "Because we'd all go out together –"

Kitty watched them quietly, then said, "Why's Henry here? He's not family."

"Katherine, do not be rude," Derek said.

"But it's true – you said it was just family today," Kitty said defensively. "Didn't he, Uncle Rossi?"

"Well, munchkin," Rossi said, "technically, I'm not family either."

"You're Uncle Rossi," Kitty said firmly. "You're our uncle. You're Daddy's brother from another mother – that's what he says."

Eva rolled her eyes and sighed. "Kit-Kat, Henry and I are going to get married," she said quickly. "So he's family. Okay?"

"Whoa, back up – when did that happen?" James asked, pointing a fork at Henry. "I will cut you, man – I don't care if you're the one that taught me to ride a bike. I will cut you."

Henry held up his hands. "Jimmy, man," he said, "I love your sister, okay? Back off and let me take care of her. You've already got your hands full."

Penelope chuckled and said, "Are you sure about this, Henry?"

He looked over at her and said, "Aunt Pen, I've never been surer about anything in my life."

"You didn't give her a ring," Kitty said. "When you love a girl lots and lots, you're supposed to give her a ring. You don't really love her." She scowled at Henry.

Rose kicked Kitty under the table. "You don't know anything, Kit-Kat," she said.

"Whenever Daddy and Mommy have a 'versary, Daddy gives her diamonds," Kitty said pointedly. "And Daddy loves Mommy lots and lots –"

"Okay, enough," Penelope said. "Does everyone know what they want?"

Kitty sighed dramatically. "Mommy, do I want bacon or snausages?"

"Fruit," Penelope said.

Kitty wrinkled her nose. "But I'm gettin' nanners and booberries on my pancakes," she whined.

"Bacon," Derek said. "When in doubt, bacon."

Jess looked up from her menu and said, "Always bacon."

"Sausage is not an option," James agreed.

"Well, I'm glad you all inherited your father's taste for blood," Penelope said. The waitress came over and she said, "I'd like the short stack, smiley style, with a side of fruit – and can I get the salted caramel sauce instead of syrup?"

Kitty waved her hands and said, "Me next – I wanna lil' stack like my Mommy with the smiley face and I wants bacon and an eggie that's scrambled all up 'cause runny eggies are gross." She smiled winningly at the waitress, then added, "Please?"

Derek chuckled and said, "She wants a short stack, smiley style, with bacon and a scrambled egg. And I would like a tall stack with double bacon."

They went around the table, and, for once, everyone got pancakes. Even Rossi and Henry.

"You're not wearing your glasses, Eva," Rossi said while they waited for their food.

She shrugged and said, "They got broken. It's okay – I've got my contacts, till I can get a new pair."

"I love you without them," Henry said, smiling.

"Oh god, are you two going to kiss, because I might barf," James said.

Jess nudged him. "Shut up," she said. "You're going to like girls someday and you're going to want to kiss them, and I'm going to be like, 'no, Jimmy Bean doesn't want to kiss you because he kisses his pillow and likes it'."

"I'll hurt you," James growled.

"You like Lila Gower," she reminded him. "You want to kiss Lila –"

Rose giggled. "Lila Gower is in my class," she pointed out. "And she's got buck-teeth and glasses."

"I had buck-teeth and glasses," Penelope said quietly. "When I was your age."

"But you're so pretty," Jess gasped.

"Braces and contacts," Penelope replied. "It's not how you look on the outside – it's how you are on the inside that matters."

Kitty swung her feet and sighed. "I'm not pretty," she said. "So I gotta be really good on the inside."

"Hey, what are you talking about?" Eva asked. "You're beautiful, Kit-Kat – you look just like Dad."

Kitty sighed and frowned. "Yeah, but it looks good on a boy and silly on me," she said. "I look like a boy with piggy tails."

Penelope leaned over and hugged her. "No, you look like my sweet, precious little Kit-Kat," she murmured. "And I love your piggy tails and your cute little nose – and you have freckles on that little nose, did you know that? – and you know what I love best about you?"

"No…"

"How you're my perfect Kitty sized," Penelope said. "You're not too big and you're not too little."

"Oh," Kitty said. "Am I just right?"

"You are," Derek assured her. "You, Katherine, are just right."

Kitty smiled at them both as the waitress started bringing food. "Oh, look, Mommy, that's mine!" she cried. "The nanners make a smiley face – I love that."

Penelope leaned over and gave Derek a kiss. "What did I do to deserve all of you?" she whispered.

He smiled back at her and said, "Guess you're just lucky, Mrs. Morgan."

Henry said, "Hey, Evie?"

"Huh?"

"What are you going to do when we have one of those?" he asked, pointing at Kitty.

"Oh please," Derek said. "You two aren't having kids for a while – at least not till one of you has a job."

Rossi nodded. "No kidding," he agreed.

"But I have a job," Eva said.

"Honey, shelving at the Library of Congress won't net you enough to raise a baby," Penelope said gently.

"No, Mom," Eva said firmly, "I have a real job. Georgetown offered me a teaching position with tenure when I have my doctorate – which will be as soon as my thesis is approved."

"What?" Derek said, setting his fork down. "You didn't say anything –"

"I didn't want to jinx it," Eva admitted quietly. "I mean, it's a big honor for someone so young to even be looked at – let alone be offered it before my thesis is even approved. And I didn't think they were serious – until the Dean asked if I had considered his offer. It's a big deal."

"Yes, it is," Penelope said excitedly. "Honey, you should have told us!"

Eva toyed with her hair nervously. "I didn't want to overshadow you and Daddy and the new baby," she said. "Because I might not take the job."

"You should take it," Rossi said.

"You should," Rose said. "You'd be close – you can just drive like you do now and –"

Eva swallowed hard and said, "Yeah, but I – what if being here isn't what Henry wants?" She looked over at him and sighed. "He went to the west coast just to get away –"

"I did, but I keep coming back," Henry said, lifting her hand to his lips to kiss it. "Because my Squishy is here. If you want the job, take it – I can transfer. Or finish my degree – I've only got three semesters left – and then come back."

"But if I commit to this, I can't just quit," Eva said.

"I wouldn't want you to," Henry replied. "Ever since I've known you, you've spent your life lost in books. You got your bachelors' in Secondary Education and English Literature. You got your masters' in Gothic Literature. Your doctorate is in English Literature and Composition. You have to share that, Evie – the world needs you to educate our peers –"

She sighed and closed her eyes. "Mommy… what do you think?" she asked, opening them and staring straight at Penelope.

Penelope said, "I think that you've done everything you've wanted to do. You've met your goals, Eva. And now it's time to reap the rewards of that climb." She poked at her pancakes and said, "Now, what I think doesn't matter anymore. It's up to you and your fiancée what you choose to do. But if it were me in your shoes, I already would have picked my office decorations."

Kitty frowned. "Are you going to move away, Evie?" she asked very sadly. "Please don't move away – I love it when you read to me and tell me stories."

Eva took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "No, Kit-Kat, I'm not going anywhere," she promised. "I'm going to take the job and – and – we'll see what happens next, I guess."

"That means that I should start looking for a job, too," Henry said.

"No, that means you need to finish school," Eva said with a tiny smile. "So we can get married and find a house and have a family and –"

"No need to rush," Derek said. "We're too young to be grandparents."

Rossi snorted. "Right," he said sarcastically.

"By the way, Henry, when we get back to the house, I have something for you," Derek said.

Henry blinked. "Please don't let it be a bullet to the head," he croaked.

Derek sighed and rolled his eyes. "If I were going to shoot you, I would have done it already," he grunted. "But, since I love my daughter and she seems to love you – I'm going to give you one free pass. ONE free pass. Next time, I might shoot you on sight." He took a bite and chewed it thoroughly before he swallowed. "No, because I know it's important for a woman you love to have nice things, even when you can't afford to give them… I'm going to give you my Momma's engagement ring. A loan, as it were."

"Daddy, you don't have to," Eva whispered.

He shrugged. "She wanted you to have it anyway," he said. "I've just been holding onto it till the right time – but now… you need it."

"Uncle Morgan, sir, you don't have to," Henry said. "I talked to Mom and Dad and we've got it covered –"

"No, Henry," Eva said very quietly. "You shouldn't borrow money from your parents for a ring. This one is perfect – and when you can buy me something you want, then you can. But we shouldn't live outside what we have to make grand gestures when we don't need to. Right?"

"Are you gonna move away when you marry Henry?" Kitty asked worriedly.

"We'll have our own house, but you can always come to visit," Henry said with a small smile. "Okay?"

"Can I spend the night sometimes?" Kitty asked.

"Absolutely," Eva said firmly. "I would miss my Kitty Kat too much," she promised. "Because I love your silly face."

"I love your silly face more," Kitty giggled.

* * *

The rest of the day was like that – easy, gentle, and everyone tried to be happy and less stressed. It was important to be together, be normal, after everything that had happened. Unfortunately, routine had become Uncle Rossi tucking everyone in and threatening to shoot the stragglers to bed – so he couldn't just go home. It was okay with him, though – he'd become very fond of his surrogate grandchildren during the four months of Penelope's ordeal. So, at the end of the day, he sent everyone to bed, tucked them in, and threatened to shoot James in the kneecap if he so much as got up to get a glass of water.

Penelope watched from the doorway as he tucked Kitty in and made sure she had her army of dolls and stuffed animals perched to guard her. "Now," Rossi said, sitting on the edge of her bed, "tonight, you have a very special prayer to say, don't you?"

Kitty nodded, closed her eyes, and said, "Dear Mr. Jesus – thank you for bringing Mommy and Evie and my baby brother home safe to me. I love them lots and lots and if they got dead and were in heaven with you, I'd be very sad. So thank you. And can you please tell god to forgive the bad man? He didn't hurt me or Evie – I don't want him to go to the bad place. I forgives him. Thank you, Mr. Jesus."

"Good girl," Rossi said softly. "Thank you."

Kitty opened her eyes and glanced over at the doorway. "Mommy, did you come to read me a story?" she asked, stifling a yawn.

"No, baby," Penelope murmured. "Not tonight."

"Uncle Rossi, you gonna?" Kitty asked.

"How about the one about the dragon?" Rossi asked.

Kitty nodded and he began to read to her from one of the many books on the shelf.

Penelope went around, checking on the others and making sure they were tucked up – except Eva and Henry. She pretty much didn't even want to open the door on that one. Or knock. Or anything.

Maybe she was an overly-permissive parent when it came to Eva, but she really didn't want to deny her firstborn anything. Not with everything she'd suffered already in her life. So she backed away from the door and went instead to her room.

Derek was out on his nightly run, so she was alone for a few more minutes at least.

And she took those few minutes to just be alone and breathe.

Because the morning would bring so many more challenges that she wasn't certain she had the strength to deal with yet.


	23. Chapter 23

Part twenty-three:

Penelope came home from therapy in a bad mood. The therapist had questioned her decision to submit to Kevin Lynch over and over again, despite it having been completely obvious that she'd been trying to get her daughter out of harm's way. The argument had been that he could have done anything to Kitty once he'd left with her – and Penelope had known that. But in some small, tiny place in her heart, she had trusted him to keep his word – just that once. It had been a desperate act by a desperate mother, and god knows Penelope hadn't taken the move lightly.

But it still stung like hell to know that no one else understood. No one. Not even Derek. And she couldn't articulate how or why she had trusted a monster for just one afternoon to be a decent human being and do the right thing.

She slammed her purse onto the countertop and reached for a glass. Years ago, when she'd first escaped from Kevin, she'd turned to alcohol to dull the memories, but now, she was older, wiser, and responsible for a house full of kids. So she was going to make some chocolate milk instead.

"Hey, Baby," Derek said softly from the doorway to the kitchen. "I take it therapy wasn't so great?"

She sloshed milk into the glass and poured chocolate syrup into it till there was a goopy, nasty mess in the bottom of the glass. "I hate talking about how I fucking feel to someone who doesn't care and doesn't understand," she said, putting the milk and syrup away. She stirred the milk, watching it turn a very dark brown as she mixed.

"Sometimes, what we think makes sense to other people doesn't," Derek said. "And we have to explain it. It helps to say it out loud…"

"No, it doesn't help," Penelope argued. "Because then I have to sit there and relive everything I went through in that moment, and I'm tired of feeling fucking helpless!" She drained the glass of milk in a few long swallows, then set it on the counter and let out a tiny burp. "And I don't want goddamn milk right now," she hissed. "I want tequila and a lime and privacy."

"That's not happening," he said.

"I know that's not going to happen – but it doesn't stop me from wanting to forget," she growled, stalking up to him and trying to push him out of the way.

"Pen," Derek said, gently catching her wrists and restraining her, "I know it sucks. Do you know how much therapy they made me go through after Eva's abduction? And Reid? It's not the best solution, talking through it, but it does help."

"Let me go," she said, her voice low and dangerous. He did as he was told, and she said, "Don't you ever hold me like that again. Do you understand? Not even in jest."

He raised his hands in the air and stepped out of her way. "Okay," was all he said.

Penelope was suddenly overwhelmed with anger – he was backing down? Without a fight? The Derek Morgan? Her lover, her man, the only person who ever really wanted her – he was just going to let her go without trying to dig deeper? Fucking profilers – they didn't know anything.

"Why don't you go upstairs and rest?" he asked. "You look tired."

"I'm not fucking tired," she growled. "I'm fucking pissed –"

"Maybe a nap would help."

She just looked at him, then shook her head and walked away. How could he possibly even begin to understand what she was feeling? Yes, he'd been abused and molested, but how could he comprehend that she'd wanted to be submissive as much as Kevin had wanted her to be? Being strong was too hard – especially now. And she hated herself for every moment that she'd ever thought she could be anything but Kevin's toy.

She flopped onto the couch and curled up into as small of a ball as she could – the baby made it difficult. She wasn't expecting him to come up behind her – fuck, didn't he understand she needed to be alone? – and she certainly wasn't expecting him to rub her back as she faced the back of the couch.

"I'm sorry," was all he said.

"I don't want you to be sorry," she muttered, knowing that her voice was bitter and full of scathing anger. "I don't want your fucking pity, Derek. I knew exactly what I was doing, what I was letting him do. Okay? I had to protect our daughter. I don't expect you to forgive me for what I did. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for it, either."

His hand stilled low on her back, near her hips. His next words were so quiet she could barely hear them. "I've never had anything to forgive you for. You did what you thought you had to do."

"Don't patronize me," she whispered. "You haven't wanted to fuck me once since I got home," she accused. "You're a liar, Derek Morgan." Penelope's voice broke and she curled up tighter. The one thing she could count on was him – and he was letting her down. Fourteen days and he hadn't even so much as kissed her for real. A peck here and there, a kiss on the forehead or the cheek for appearance's sake, but nothing real. He held her, but she knew he was as disgusted with her as she was. It hurt like hell, knowing that Derek didn't want her anymore. That he'd rather go wank off in the shower than touch her.

"Now hold on just a minute," Derek said, his voice suddenly sharp. "You're the one that hasn't wanted to be touched, Penelope. Every time I try to comfort you, you push me away – every time I want to kiss you, we get interrupted. Are you really fucking well holding me responsible for that?"

His hand left her back and she felt suddenly worse. "Damn it, Derek, you aren't even fucking trying!" she said, knowing she sounded like a petulant child.

He growled low in the back of his throat. "Sex isn't going to fix what's wrong," Derek snapped. "You're still going to be angry and I'm still going to be the bad guy in this –"

"No," she said very quietly. "I'm the bad guy. And I know it. I let him do this to me again – I knew what Kevin was going to do and I allowed him to do it. I let him fuck me. I let him push me around. I let him tie me up and rape me. Because I thought for one moment that he might have been the man I married – he was decent once. I thought. Maybe it was my fault – maybe I didn't do enough to distract him from his other victims? All of this is my fault, Derek. All of it. Because I didn't just give in and do what he said to do." She was crying so hard by the time the words had left her lips that she couldn't see and she couldn't breathe.

He surprised her by wiping away her tears and whispering, "None of this is your fault."

"How can you say that?" she asked. "You don't know – you don't know what I've done."

"Baby," he breathed, "you aren't like him. Don't let him push you around again."

She took a deep, shuddering breath. In all their time together, she had never told him how she and Kevin had managed to meet and get married and – to be honest, she didn't remember a lot of it. She'd been broken before Kevin, but he'd just…

"My parents died in a car accident when I was eighteen," Penelope found herself saying before she could stop the words from escaping. "It was my fault – I broke curfew and was out at a club and by the time I got home, they'd been looking for me and were killed by a drunk driver." She took a deep breath and said, "I dropped out of Cal Tech and kind of went a little nuts. A lot nuts."

"It wasn't your fault," Derek said softly, wrapping his arm around her. There wasn't enough room on the couch for both of them, so he was kneeling on the floor to comfort her – a tender gesture that made her feel a sudden pang of guilt for making him kneel on his bad knee.

"I ran away," she whispered. "Lived off the grid with a bunch of hackers. Drank a lot, did some hardcore drugs for a while – and overdosed. Kevin took me to the hospital and stayed with me while I got sober. He was a decent guy, Derek – he really was. Sweet, loving, kind… and as soon as he proposed, I said yes. What else could I do? He helped me in the darkest time of my life – I thought he loved me." Her heart was beating faster and faster as she started remembering things she thought she'd buried long ago. "Things were okay for a while, then we left the commune and got a real place. And we made a living hacking little things – mostly corporations and minor banks." She sighed and closed her eyes. "One night, he took me out and said he needed me to do something for him, to prove my love and loyalty. It wasn't enough that I married him – no…" Her voice trailed off. "He gave me one job to do – fill the syringe with sedative and inject the drunk hooker. He gave me the wrong dose and she died right there in front of me. That was when he started beating me. He took away my access to the computers and just – I did nothing, Derek. For years. I just sat there and waited for him to come home and break me because I couldn't cook or do the laundry right or –" She took a deep breath and stopped talking. It hurt so much that she couldn't bear to tell him more.

That Eva had been the product of violence.

"Penelope, I promise you – none of this was your fault," Derek whispered in her ear, but she didn't want to listen.

"I ran out of birth control and didn't dare ask him to go get the prescription," she said very quietly. "Eva was a mistake. And as soon as he found out I was pregnant, he tried everything to terminate the pregnancy. But Evie was stronger than both of us and survived." She paused for a long moment, then whispered, "The day she was born, I promised I'd do anything for her. And I ran – I called my brother, the only one who would talk to me, and told him what was going on. We forced the divorce through and I changed my name. And hid as far off the radar as I could. I… Derek, I – got caught by the Feds."

"I know," he said softly. "I know everything after you got caught."

"I'm sorry," she breathed. "I'm so sorry – I didn't mean to lie to you – even by omission."

"You're a survivor," Derek said gently. "You hide the parts that hurt you. I understand."

She exhaled. "I… I kind of liked it," she admitted weakly. "Letting him push me around again. Taking away all the responsibility and just… doing what I was told. I know it's sick and wrong and –"

"No," Derek said. "It's not. I'm sorry, Baby – I didn't know you were hurting before he took you…"

"I was just overwhelmed," she whispered. "A new baby and Evie's shenanigans and keeping up with everything – it's not your fault, Hot Stuff."

He ran his fingers over her belly and the baby started moving up a storm. "Penelope, I love you," he whispered. "All of you – the parts I see and the parts I don't see. All I could think when you were gone was that I was going to lose you forever, and I stopped functioning. I couldn't take care of the kids, I couldn't work, I… I didn't want to live without you. I couldn't." His voice cracked and he pressed his forehead against her shoulder blade, unable to keep speaking.

How could he still love her so much after she'd laid her soul bare for him? All of her demons were loose and free to wreak havoc –

"Maybe we'd both be better off if we had some time apart?" she whispered, her heart breaking as she thought about him being a better man without her. She was tainted goods; a felon, a victim of long-term abuse. She was his kryptonite. Without her, he could learn to live again…

"NO," Derek said sharply, yanking her onto her back so she could see him. "Don't you dare leave me again, Penelope – don't even joke about it."

She was about to protest, but he kissed her words away. Not just a chaste kiss for the kids, either – a full-on passionate kiss that stirred fires in her that were never better left tucked away. He was the only one that brought her pleasure – none of her other partners had ever given a damn about her.

He pulled away to breathe and whispered, "If you leave me, I will track you to the ends of the earth just to bring you home, Penelope. Do you understand? I'm not like him – I love you, damn it. Please don't go – don't leave me again."

She reached up to touch his cheek, sad because he was crying. "Derek," she whispered, "I've done so many bad things – how can you still love me, knowing how broken I am? Our kids can't know – they can't find out."

He shook his head and said, "They don't need to know. They only need to know that we love each other – that we're a family. Okay?"

"But how can you love me now? I let him –"

"You came home to me," Derek said very quietly. "Do you understand? You came home to me, Penelope – you came home to our family. The rest of it doesn't matter."

She pulled him down and kissed him like her life depended on it – and maybe it did. She felt so conflicted, tormented, sad – god, how could she hold onto that when she could have him instead? Every kiss grew in intensity till she needed him like she needed air to breathe.

They fumbled with each others' clothes till he was pantsless and she'd pulled her skirt out of the way. She was on top, moving with speed and force, meeting his desperate kisses with answering hunger of her own – and when she came, he was right behind her, her name a healing benediction when it poured over his lips repeatedly.

And when she wept with joy mingled with pain, he held her and cried his own tears.


	24. Chapter 24

Part twenty-four:

"So," Rossi said as he came into the living room, then averted his eyes very quickly.

Penelope grabbed for the throw blanket, trying to cover up. "Um, it's not –"

"It's exactly what it looks like," Derek replied, chuckling.

"I'll just be in the kitchen, then," Rossi said. "You two should get a room – wait, you have a room. Why are you fucking on the couch I sleep on?"

"Because we couldn't make it upstairs in time," Derek replied, laughing.

Penelope was blushing bright red – what else could she do? It was her fault that they'd come in the door from her doctor's appointment and wound up having wild, crazy sex in the living room… Oh crap, they broke one of the lamps. And, quite probably, the arm of the couch – which was kind of shitty, considering that it was only about five years old. Hell.

Rossi's voice echoed from the kitchen. "Why don't you lovebirds get dressed before Rose and the twins get home?" he suggested. "Because that might be a little awkward."

Penelope was already dismounting and searching for her discarded clothes. Damn Derek for being so distracting and delicious and divine, anyway – it was his fault that she was horny in the first place. Damn super sperm. She got dressed quickly, and it didn't escape her notice that he was lying on the couch, leering at her as she did. She threw his boxers at his face. "You are incorrigible," she accused.

"And you're sexy as hell," he replied cheerfully.

"We broke the lamp," she reminded him curtly.

His leer turned into a smirk. "It's not the first time we've broken something," he reminded her. "The bed frame, the headboard, the bedside table, the vanity in our bathroom – the temperature knobs in the shower…"

Her face grew redder with the litany. They'd definitely been vigorous in their time together – she would give him that. "Okay, I get it – but… Rossi sleeps on the couch."

"Rossi has a mansion," Derek pointed out. "He can always go home and sleep."

"I heard that," Rossi called from the kitchen. "And for that, I should punish you by not cooking dinner tonight –"

Penelope glared at Derek. "Put your damn pants on," she muttered. "You just made Dave withhold dinner. I don't love you anymore."

Derek rolled his eyes and got dressed. "You are a fickle mistress, Goddess –"

"Hormones," she replied, sticking her tongue out as she inspected the damage to the couch. "Yeah," she sighed, "I think the arm is irreparable."

"The couch is replaceable," he said, that damnable smirk still on his lips – he was very proud of his handiwork. "Maybe we can get that one with the circles that you were admiring a few months ago –"

"We have a new baby coming," she reminded him. "There's no money for replacing the couch on top of tuition and loan payments and medical bills –"

"Are you two decent?" Rossi asked, coming out of the kitchen and down the corridor.

"Are we ever?" Derek replied, winking at his wife, who just rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Yes, we have clothes on," she said.

Rossi came down the hallway and into the living room. "Okay, so here's what I was thinking – you need a baby-sitter."

"No, we need a new couch," Derek said, chuckling. "Work has a daycare."

"Then I'll buy you a new couch," Rossi said in a dismissive tone. "But the kids have gotten used to me being around – you know, the tucking in at night and the picking them up from school when it rains and shit."

"True enough," Derek said with a nod. "You did help me out a lot when Pen was missing –"

"Besides, I'm in the process of selling the mansion," Rossi said with a shrug. "Doesn't seem to be much point anymore – there's no one to share it with."

Penelope's eyebrows raised into her hairline. "What?"

Rossi shrugged again and sighed. "I've gotten rather fond of your little monsters," he admitted. "And I wouldn't mind playing grandpa full time – around my writing schedule, I mean."

"I don't understand," Penelope said.

"He wants to move in," Derek said. "God knows where –"

"The couch is fine," Dave replied with a grin. "Providing the two of you don't break it again."

She had the decency to blush. "Okay, well –"

"And I can find a wardrobe to tuck into the closet under the stairs," Rossi added. "No big deal."

"The kids will be thrilled," Derek said. "And when Eva moves out soon, you can move into her room –"

"Wait, when did she say she was moving out?" Penelope asked, almost jumping on him. "You didn't tell me that –"

"She's been looking at places since she decided to take the job," Derek said, shrugging a little. "She asked my opinion of a few of them. That's all."

"Oh god, one of my babies wants to leave –"

"Yeah, well, you're going to have another to replace her –"

"It doesn't work like that, asshole," Penelope said, scowling at him and starting to tear up.

"I know," Derek assured her, pulling her close for a hug as she started to sniffle. "Baby, I know, but Evie's not a chubby little girl in pigtails and sparkly tennis shoes anymore. And she'll be within driving distance –"

"And the baby won't replace her!" Penelope sobbed. "Just because she's a little girl doesn't mean she's going to ever take the place of my other little girls –"

Rossi pounced on that. "You're having another girl?" he asked, slapping Derek's shoulder. "Man, you might have a small problem."

Derek shook his head and laughed. "Not enough shotguns to scare the potential boyfriends off," he replied. "But that will change when you move in."

"Damn straight," Rossi replied. "Me and my attack dog." He gave Penelope a brief hug. "Congratulations, Kitten – she's going to be perfect just like the others."

The front door opened, then slammed shut. "Motherfrakking toaster jam!" Rose shouted, out of breath. "MOM – I think I sprained my knee."

Penelope was in the foyer in three seconds flat, evaluating Rose's swollen, black and blue knee. "What happened?" she asked, watching Rose wince as she probed gently.

"I tripped on a chunk of brick and came down funny when I got my balance," Rose gasped. "I heard something pop and felt it snap, but I had to keep going – I was just around the corner."

"Derek, we need to go to the hospital," Penelope called over her shoulder. "You and Dave stay here and –"

"Stay here my ass," Rossi said. "Morgan, go with them – I'll go get Kitty and the twins will be home in a few minutes."

"Uncle Rossi, I'm okay," Rose protested weakly. "I'll be fine –"

"No," Penelope said, "you aren't."

"Mommy –"

Penelope leveled her glare at her. "Stop it," she said firmly. "Derek, can you help her out to the car?"

Derek came over and picked Rose up off the ground. "Okay, kiddo, it's time to go," he said firmly. "Next time, use your phone and call home –"

"I left it charging this morning," Rose whined. "It needs a new battery –"

Despite her protesting, they finally made it to the hospital. It was almost two hours before they got things into gear and got her through the ER and the x-rays and another hour before she got into surgery. Because her "sprain" was actually torn cartilage – and the prognosis for her track and field career was not good.

Penelope and Derek sat in the waiting room, and she sighed. "If it's not one thing, it's another," she commented dryly.

"Perils of having a family," Derek replied.

She leaned against him and closed her eyes. "Your youngest is getting hungry," she said softly. "But I'm not exactly eager to walk down to the cafeteria – especially when Rosie's going to be out of surgery soon."

"Do you want me to get you something?" Derek asked. "I could use a cup of coffee."

"Whatever looks safe," Penelope said. "I should be here when she gets out – even though you're her favorite…"

"Penelope, that's not true," he contradicted. "You're her mother –"

"She always goes to you when she's in trouble or something's wrong," she sighed. "It's hard to compete with you for the kids' affections, you know."

"We don't have to compete," he sighed.

"Yes, we do," she muttered. "You're Mr. Happy Funtime and I'm the Bad Cop."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "You're Mommy," he said softly. "You kiss their boo-boos and let them have ice cream when they feel sick. You give them hugs and kisses and make sure they're ready for the big tests – and you are the best mother our kids could ever have."

"I could be better," she sighed with a frown on her lips.

"Penelope, stop it right now," he said softly. "What's the matter, Baby?"

"I'm supposed to keep them from getting hurt – Rosie shouldn't have gotten hurt," Penelope whimpered. "What kind of a mother am I? I let Kitty get abducted by my psycho ex-husband… I let Evie be abused by that douchebag – the twins, I just… I – Derek… I'm a terrible mother."

"None of that was your fault," Derek said firmly. "None of it. Kevin was dead, as far as we knew. Reid shot him in the head right in front of us. The information you gave us made no mention of his brother –"

"Because Kent supposedly died when Eva was a toddler," Penelope said. "I didn't know –"

"No one knew, is my point, Baby," he said. "Okay? No one knew. You can't keep holding yourself responsible for everything."

"My kids are hurting so I'm hurting," Penelope whispered. "I don't expect you to understand, honey – it's so… it's different than what you feel, baby. I love you and I love them, but –"

"You'd do anything for them," he finished gently. "Which is just how a mother is meant to behave."

Penelope sighed and leaned into him. "Why is it so difficult to be a functional adult?" she asked. "I wish I could go back to being a kid again. It would be so much easier – and I'd have Mom and Dad to help…"

"Hindsight being twenty-twenty, don't you think?" Derek asked gently. "If I was able to go back in time, I'd save my father's life. But I can't. So it's not worth dwelling over, since we've got so much on our plate."

She sighed and hugged him. "I love you," she murmured.

"I love you, too," he murmured. "And our girls – and our boy, too."

Her frown returned as her stomach growled. "Your daughter is definitely getting hungry," she said with a scowl. "I'm getting too old for this. Being pregnant, I mean. I still blame you."

He chuckled. "Me and my super sperm."

"And your wanting to have sex every time we have a spare moment," she reminded him teasingly.

"You weren't exactly complaining," he replied, grinning and hugging her back. "By the way? One of these days, you're going to break me instead of the lamp."

She giggled and gave him a kiss. "You're naughty," she accused.

"And you're sexy – what's your point?" he asked.

"Mr. and Mrs. Morgan?"

They sprang apart guiltily. "Yes?" Derek replied.

"Your daughter is in recovery right now – the operation went well," the nurse said with a smile. "You can see her as soon as she's awake and moved into her room for the night. We need to monitor her for reactions to the medications and the anesthetic tonight."

"Oh thank god," Penelope exhaled. "Thank you – "

"Why don't you two go get something to eat and by the time you come back, she should be in her room and awake," the nurse suggested.

"C'mon, Baby," Derek said, helping Penelope to her feet.

* * *

"Agent Morgan," Strauss said, glancing up from Penelope's file. "Thank you for coming to this meeting – Agent Hotchner, thank you as well. As you know, Agent Derek Morgan has been cleared for active duty, and you, Penelope, have also been cleared for moderate desk duty."

"Yes, ma'am," Penelope said.

"While the BAU continues to be appreciative of your services, Agent Morgan, the NSA is requesting your assistance on a covert operation," Strauss said. "It can wait until after the baby is born, but no longer than that. The covert op would take you away from your family for up to a month."

Hotch cleared his throat. "They want your computer skills, Penelope. It has to do with closing some of the security loopholes your ex-husband left open."

"And I can't do that from home or my office?" Penelope asked.

Strauss pursed her lips together. "I'm sorry, but no. I can't give you any more information about the operation right now."

"And if I say no?" Penelope asked, her frown growing deeper. "You're asking me to leave my family right after my daughter is born –"

"We can arrange it before," Strauss said, "but considering your history of delivering early, I managed to convince them that it would be more prudent to wait."

"What about Derek?" Penelope asked. "Who's going to help him with the baby?"

"We'll arrange a nanny –"

"No," Penelope said firmly. "David Rossi is moving in –"

"Dave Rossi isn't going to be able to handle an infant."

Penelope nodded and sighed. "All right. Anything I can do before the op, I will – and you both make the arrangements, please. So that everything is covered. And I'll tell Derek closer to time."

"Penelope, you don't have to –" Hotch began.

"Anything I can do to put Kevin further in the ground is something I'm going to do," Penelope declared. "You're not asking for a lot."

"It's more than I wanted to ask you to do," Strauss said gently. "It's been a bad few months for you –"

"Yes, but it's time to get back to work," Penelope said.

"By the way," Strauss said, "the NSA has inquired about having you reassigned to their Cybercrimes facility."

Penelope leveled her gaze at Strauss. "Well, Madam Director, that would be your decision, not mine," she said quietly. "I understand if my medical leaves would cause you grief – but I can assure you that this will be the last maternity leave I'll be taking."

Hotch chuckled and Strauss glared at him. "You said that last time," she reminded Penelope with a tiny smile. "And, as far as I'm concerned, you've more than adequately performed your duties to account for your potential prison sentencing. So the choice is yours, if and when it may be offered again, Agent Morgan."

Penelope hesitated a moment, then smiled. "So… that's it? I'm not a convict serving a sentence anymore?"

Strauss nodded. "You've proven yourself more than worthy, Agent Morgan."

"Thank you," Penelope whispered. "I – I'm going to go upstairs and tell my husband."

Striding into the BAU after so long – okay, waddling, if she wanted to be honest – felt like coming home again. It felt good to have a concrete purpose again. Derek looked up from his desk in the bullpen and smiled. "Hey, Baby, what are you doing here?" he asked, getting up and moving to let her sit down. "I thought you had a doctor's appointment."

"Oh, I did – but Hotch and Strauss called me in for a meeting," she said with a smile as she sat down. "It's good news."

Reid leaned over. "Color me nosy," he said.

"Me, too," JJ added cheerfully from her desk.

"I'm a free woman," Penelope announced. "Strauss commuted my sentence."

Derek grinned down and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "And yet, you came up here to see me," he teased.

"I had to tell my baby daddy that his convict wifey isn't in trouble anymore," she replied.

"I'm glad," Derek replied, giving her another kiss. "Now go home," he instructed, "and take a nap."

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay," she agreed.

A couple hours later, she was awakened from her nap by the annoying front doorbell. Rossi answered it, but she was up and going anyway. "Is that the crib delivery?" she asked, lumbering down the stairs. "It's supposed to be here today –"

"And you're supposed to be taking a nap," Rossi replied as she hit the bottom step.

"I'm awake now, and so's she," Penelope replied. She stopped dead in her tracks and stared at the visitor who was in the front doorway. "Oh my god – Devon… what are you doing here?" she asked, staring at her brother.

"You're a very hard woman to find," he said. "May I come in?"

"Yes," Penelope said. "I'm about to get a snack – do you want something?"

Rossi stood aside so Devon could come in. Devon followed Penelope to the kitchen. "I'd like some water," he said. "Coffee would be better, but –"

"Well, Derek isn't home, so there's no coffee on," Penelope said.

"I shouldn't beat around the bush," Devon said. "Dad died a little over a year ago."

Penelope blinked and her hands shook as she poured him a glass of water. "I'm sorry –"

"I've been looking for you since then."

"I'm sorry," Penelope murmured. "They changed my last name when I was picked up by the FBI – for my protection. And getting married didn't help –"

"Not really," Devon agreed sadly.

"I thought your parents died when you were in college," Rossi said.

"Mom and my step-dad," Penelope sighed. "I hadn't seen my biological father since I was… twelve."

"I need to go get the kids," Rossi said. "You two going to be okay?"

Penelope smiled tiredly at Devon. "Yeah – go ahead and grab the kids," she said. "Do you want to stay for supper, Dev?"

"If you want me to," Devon said with a small smile. "It's been too long since I've seen Eva –"

"Oh, there's way more than Eva," Penelope said with a low laugh.

"Ain't that the truth," Rossi said sarcastically as he left.

Devon leaned forward over the table. "Penny," he said softly, "Dad left you everything. He was sorry that he didn't try harder to be in your life – especially when you disappeared."

"Why would you spend so much time trying to find me?" she asked with a sigh. "If he left me everything, he left you nothing –"

"Because you're my sister," Devon said firmly. "And because I love you, stupid."

Penelope smiled sadly. "I'm sorry – I'm so sorry…"

"You should have called and told me where you were, though," he said. "I finally tracked you through Eva's social security number."

"I – I'm glad," Penelope said, her voice soft. "I never got to say thank you after you helped hide us after the divorce. Thank you. Even though it didn't do much good, thank you, Dev."

He smiled and said, "You want to see pictures of the kids? Well… they aren't really kids anymore. Diana's just had her second baby – and Clinton's getting married soon."

Penelope smiled back and said, "Okay – do you want to see pictures of my monsters?"

"I'd love to," Devon said, getting his phone. Penelope retrieved hers as well and she loaded up the latest family shot that Dave had taken the day before. They were all sitting on the new couch, Rose and Kitty sprawled over everyone else's laps, big smiles on their faces. Even Rose's cast didn't spoil the photo.

"So, that's Derek beside me," Penelope said, her voice positively glowing with happiness. "He's a wonderful man – you'll love him, Dev. And Eva's on the end there. The one with the cast is Rose, then James and Jess are the twins, and Kitty is the little one with the pigtails," she said proudly. "And this one," she added, rubbing her belly, "is about a month away from arriving. She's going to be a handful, just like her siblings – I can tell already."

Meanwhile, Devon's eyes were nearly bugging out of his head. "Seriously? You have that many kids – for real? I thought having two was too much. How do you manage?"

She shrugged. "Derek helps when he can, but we're both on-call twenty-four/seven," she said. "Hence why Dave decided to play grandpa full-time. He generally helps with things around the house and he makes sure the kids get to and from school on time and he's very good at reading Kitty her bedtime stories," she added with a chuckle. "She's finally graduated to chapter books, and boy, is he glad."

He passed her his phone and let her flip through the photos. "So – you're okay?" he asked. "I mean, really, you're okay…"

She looked over at him and smiled. "Yeah," she said softly. "I'm okay and I'm happy with my family."

"Because John and Michael were helping me look for you," Devon said. "It's been years, Penny –"

"They didn't want me before," she said, her voice growing cooler. "Why now?"

"Because I spent so much time trying to find you," he said. "We should all meet somewhere and hash things out –"

"Ancient history," she said, waving her hand. "They can come to me. I'm not exactly hiding, am I? Not anymore."

"Maybe not, but you were the one that ran away," he pointed out.

She sighed and closed her eyes. "Yeah, you're right," she finally agreed.

"I'm always right, remember?" Devon asked, tapping the side of his nose and winking.

She smiled down at the photos of his family and wondered about her other brothers – and what they'd done with themselves in the meanwhile.


	25. Chapter 25

Part twenty-five:

Kitty bounced into the living room, shrieking, "Mommy, we're going to the zoo tomorrow – Mr. Gregson said it's called a field trip!"

"Katherine," Penelope said warningly, "stop yelling."

Kitty reacted as if she'd been slapped, immediately sinking into the recliner and warily eyeing her mother. "Who's that?" she asked, wrinkling her nose.

"Be nice," Penelope warned. "This is my brother – your Uncle Devon."

"I don't have no uncle," Kitty said. "I've just got Auntie Sarah and Auntie Desi."

Rose swung into the room on her crutches and grunted, "Up, Kit-Kat – I need to get off my feet."

"I don't wanna," Kitty retorted. "You find another place to sit."

"Don't make me whack your butt with my crutches," Rose growled. Kitty flew from the chair and sat on the floor, watching Devon suspiciously, as her sister collapsed. "Mom, please tell me you still have painkillers – I lost my balance and fell down half a flight of stairs between fourth and fifth period."

"Yeah, I'll go get them," Penelope said, getting up and leaving the room. She ran into Jess and James making a snack in the kitchen under the watchful eye of Rossi. "Okay, you two, you're being awfully quiet –"

"Uncle Rossi said you've got company," Jess said. "We're trying to stay out of the way."

"He's staying for dinner," Penelope said. "So you might as well come in and introduce yourselves."

James made a face. "No thanks, Mom," he said. "I've got pre-algebra homework."

Penelope retrieved the painkillers from the top shelf and sighed. "Okay, but –"

"Who is he, anyway?" Jess asked, her curiosity clearly getting the better of her.

"My brother," Penelope said softly. "I haven't seen him since Eva was two and a half."

"Wow," James said. "That's a really long time – is he a butthole or what? Do I need to hurt him, Mom?"

Penelope bit back a laugh. "Honey, trust me – you don't need to hurt him. He's a lawyer. He'll hurt himself."

Rossi cleared his throat. "So, what does everyone think about lasagna tonight?"

"Make it cheese and we've got a deal," Jess said with a grin. "Can I help?"

"Sure thing, kiddo," Rossi said.

Penelope left them devising a grocery list as she grabbed a bottle of water and brought the pills out to Rose. "Uncle Devon was just regaling Kitty with a tale of going on safari in Kenya last winter," Rose said dryly. "Kitty thinks he's the coolest person alive now because he was dumb enough to get close to a lion."

Penelope glanced over at Devon. "Did you really go to Kenya?" she asked.

"Yeah," Devon replied, shrugging. "Seemed like a good idea at the time." He held up his hand. "That's how I got these – I got bit by a warthog."

"What's a warthog?" Kitty asked.

"Puumbah," Rose replied.

Kitty gasped. "Puumbah bit you?" she asked, horrified. "What about Timone – didn't he stop Puumbah?"

"Because animals don't talk, stupid," Rose sighed, closing her eyes and waiting for the painkillers to kick in. "Mom, can you wake me up when dinner's ready?"

"Of course," Penelope replied, giving her a kiss. "You just rest and relax."

Kitty was looking up at Davon with wide eyes. "Are you going back to Kenya?" she asked.

"Not any time soon," Devon said. "But I'm going to London next week."

"Where's that?" Kitty asked.

"That's where Aunt Emily lives," Rose mumbled.

"Oh," Kitty said. "I've never met Aunt Emily. Mommy just tells stories about her – but she never talked about you, Uncle Devon."

Devon gave Penelope a telling look, but she merely shrugged and settled back onto the couch. "What can I say?" she said mildly. "You never exactly came up in the course of conversation. There wasn't a point in telling my kids about family they'd never meet."

"Kit-Kat," Rossi called, "do you want to go to the store with Jess and me? We need help picking ice cream."

Kitty took off like a shot, pausing only long enough to give Penelope a kiss. "Bye, Mommy," she said cheerfully.

"So you didn't even tell Eva about your family?" Devon asked.

"Don't make me out to be a monster," Penelope said. "I did what I had to do to keep my family safe, all right? You got my name changed and we hid."

"Not too well if you got caught by the Feds," Devon growled.

She sighed and nodded. "No, you're right – hacking for hire could have gotten me into even more trouble than I already was in. Especially when Kevin found us."

Devon's fists clenched. "I can't believe you got neck deep with that man in the first place – we would gladly have welcomed you back at any time, Penelope –"

"Enough," she said warningly, shooting a look at Rose. "The point being that that part of my life is over now. For good. Kevin is dead – and so help me, if you look down your nose at Derek like you did Kevin, I won't be held responsible for my actions. You're my big brother, but I can deal with my own decisions. I don't need you holding my hand."

"Someone needs to hold your hand –"

"I have a husband for that," she said. "And he does a damn good job of it."

The front door slammed. "Baby, Hotch sent me home early – "

"Speaking of the devil," she said, heading to the foyer. "Hey," she said, stopping short when she saw the armload of roses. "Derek, what's all this?"

He grinned and said, "Me showing my wife how happy I am that she married me. Now come here and give Daddy a little sugar."

"You're insane," she whispered, coming closer and fingering the roses. "I'm as big as a house and we have a house full of kids and you still love me?"

"Always," he murmured, giving her a tender, lingering kiss. "Now, I'm going to go put these in water – where is everyone?"

"Rossi, Jess, and Kitty went to the store," Penelope said, "James is upstairs working on his homework, and Rosie is taking a nap. And – Hot Stuff?"

"Yeah?"

"My brother decided to stop by," she said very quickly.

"The lawyer brother?" he asked as they went into the kitchen to get a vase.

"Yeah," she said.

"What does he want?" Derek inquired. "He couldn't even be bothered to show up when you needed him, so why show up now?"

Penelope waited till he was done arranging the roses before she said, "I don't know, really. He's just… here. And he's staying for dinner."

Derek's fists clenched. "From what you told me –"

"Baby," she said softly, "he's the only brother I have left who will even talk to me. John and Michael – my step-brothers – god knows they hate me almost as much as I hated them. Michael used to push me around at school in front of everyone just to prove he was superior. Okay? That's what my life was like. John and Michael would fuck me up and Devon would pick up the pieces for Charlie and me." She shook her head and tried to force back her tears. "But Charlie rejecting me? Fuck, that hurts, Derek. You don't have any idea. I just – I want my family back, even as fucked up as we were."

"Fine," he muttered, "but if that asshole so much as –"

"I'll shoot him myself," she assured him. "Come on… time to meet the in-laws."

* * *

"You're late," Penelope said as Eva rushed in.

"Sorry, I was looking at a place," Eva said, kissing her mom on the top of the head as she flung her purse across the way and slid into her seat at the table, oblivious to the stranger across the table from her. "It's not far from school and the rent is reasonable, I think, but I want you and Daddy to look at it, too."

"Evie," Kitty said, "Uncle Devon went to Kenya and saw lions and got bitten by a Puumbah."

Eva's brow furrowed. "What?"

Rossi passed her a plate of lasagna and a bowl of salad, gesturing at the man at the head of the table.

Eva jumped. "Holy crap," she said.

"Dev, Eva, Eva, Devon Davenport," Penelope said. "My brother."

Eva blinked, then turned toward her mother. "But your last name was Garcia –"

"After the FBI arrested me and changed my identity," Penelope said. "Yes, it was Garcia."

Jess and James were looking back and forth like it was a tennis match.

Eva glanced back at Devon. "Hi," she said. Her face changed, then she added, "I remember you. A little. You had all those books – and dolls."

"You were just a little thing then," Devon said with a smile. "Doesn't she look like Mom?"

"Yes," Penelope agreed. "Now, can we get off this trip down Memory Lane – I want to hear about this apartment, missy."

Eva said, "It's a studio, but it's big enough for me and Henry – when he transfers, I mean."

"Studio apartments aren't fun," Derek said. "You'll get too close and tempers will flare because there's nowhere else to go."

Eva shrugged. "There's always his parents' place – and here," she said. "I don't mind sleeping on the couch."

"Uncle Rossi sleeps on the couch," Kitty reminded her.

"You need to be looking for at least a one-bedroom," Derek said.

Eva sighed. "Okay, well, I'm going to be making peanuts, Dad – so you find something in my budget in the city that suits you. Good luck. Because this is the best I've come up with." She stabbed her salad viciously.

"Okay," Devon said. "Maybe this wasn't a good night to stay for dinner –"

"Every night is like this," Rose said unhelpfully. "Wait till the twins get started."

Devon paused, then smiled. "I remember another pair of hell-raising twins –"

Penelope pointed her fork at him. "Shut up," she said very quietly. She pushed back from the table abruptly and got up to leave, but got stuck. She had to get help from Derek so she could go outside and escape.

Truth told, the betrayal of her twin brother had always hurt the worst. And as she wandered the neighborhood in the dark, her heart hurt more and more. She'd always feared the worst, that he'd gone off and gotten himself killed. Charles Davenport had always been the brash, fearless one. The night after their mother and step-father had died, he'd disappeared into the night. And ever since, she'd been lost. He'd been the one she'd been able to turn to, and without him, she was alone.

But she wasn't alone anymore. She had her family, the kids, Derek, everything she'd built up for herself out of blood, sweat, and tears.

She didn't need him anymore.

But some small, tiny part of her wanted him anyway.

A car pulled up alongside her and the window rolled down. "Penny," Devon said, "Derek said you'd be out here walking and that I should come get you when you're tired."

"I'm always tired," Penelope said. "Why are you here, Devon? I mean, really. You didn't just 'find' me, did you – you've known where I was for a while. You've been keeping your distance so you don't spook me too badly because I'm in the FBI and I have a gun. Right? Penny's not a pushover anymore."

Devon sighed. "Just get in the car and tell me how to get to the nearest coffee shop, will you? It doesn't even have to be Starbucks."

"What, you can't deal with my family?" she asked sarcastically.

"I need to talk to you alone," he snapped.

She hesitated a moment, then rounded the nose of the car and climbed into the passenger seat. "I have no wallet, no ID, no gun – so if you're going to off me, at least be decent and make it quick," she muttered. "And dump me in the park. I like to watch the ducks."

"I'm not going to kill you," Devon sighed. "I'm going to ask you for help. But with your kids looking at me like a fresh piece of meat and your husband sharpening his knife under the table, it wasn't going to happen at dinner."

"But you're admitting that you've known where I was for a while," she said quietly. "Go to the light, then hang a right, and a left, and it's a Starbucks."

"I've known where you were for about a year," Devon said quietly. "I didn't want to spook you."

"So, just… showing up on my doorstep was just a bonus?" she asked.

"Penny," he said very quietly, "I've been looking for you for so long that I just want to stop and enjoy having you around, okay? I even moved my practice to New York so I could be closer if I ever got the courage to come down and knock on your door. This wasn't just a passing thing, kiddo. You're my little sister and I'd move heaven and earth to protect you."

"I have a husband for that," she reminded him. "And a gun of my own."

Devon sighed. "Okay, fine – I can't find Charlie," he said. "I've been looking and –"

Penelope went quiet, fidgeting as they pulled into the parking lot and parked. "After this long, he's probably dead," she finally said. "He didn't have any street smarts. Neither did I – look what I got myself into." She looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "If he wanted to be found, Devon, he would have come home. Okay? It's that simple. So stop looking."

Devon reached out and took her hand. "Penelope, I came to you for help because you work for an elite team of profilers – you solve missing persons cases years after the fact –"

She sighed and closed her eyes. "I didn't want to be found," she said quietly. "Ever. Not by you, and not by the others."

"Tough shit, princess," Devon said. "We don't always get what we want. Come on – let's get you something to drink."

Ten minutes later, they were holed up on a couch in the corner. "Haven't you ever wondered what happened to him?" Devon asked as he sipped his coffee.

"I'm scared to find out," she replied. "Life is hard, Devon – but you're too busy going to Kenya to really find that out."

"That's not fair, Penelope."

"Life isn't fair," she snapped. "I have a hard time letting my husband love me because my ex hurt me so deeply that I wanted to kill myself. I did – Kevin made me suicidal. And Derek and the kids pull me back from the edge every day. I don't want to think about what pain Charlie has endured out there – if he's even still alive. Because god knows I don't know anything anymore. Why do you think I was on drugs? I wanted to stop feeling things, Dev. I hurt so fucking much, I just wanted it to stop. I know you all blamed me for it – especially Charlie. Why would he want to see me now? Even if I could find him, why would I want to open those wounds again?"

"Because he's your family."

"My family," she spat, "is sitting back in my house, wondering why I'm so damn upset. They're wondering why I never told them about you. Everything I've built is suddenly crumbling because of you – why do you want to find Charlie?"

"Because Dad's estate is split between you two," Devon sighed. "He seemed to think you both were alive and kicking somewhere – and made me write it out. I didn't want his money – I earn my own. But… you two. You need it. And him? I don't know."

"So you want an address or a death certificate, so you can be done with the will?" she asked. "That's it – that's what you want?"

"I want to be able to call my brother and my sister and say, hey, wanna have Thanksgiving at mine this year?" Devon said quietly. "I want to be proud of my nieces and nephew – nephews? – when they do something excellently. God, Penny, I'm not some cold heartless bastard."

She inhaled heavily, then exhaled a sigh that shook her to the soul. "No, you aren't a heartless bastard," she agreed. "I've known a few too many of them in my time," she reminded him. "I don't know how long it will take – "

"I don't care how long it takes," Devon said. "Just that you find him, one way or the other."

She nodded and closed her eyes. "I'll do it – for Mom and Dad," she whispered. "Because I miss the hell out of them… and they never knew, did they? That I had the best family –"

"Dad knew. I told him about you when I found you," Devon confessed. "But he was sick and all that mattered to him was that you were still alive."

"It was my fault that Mom and Roger died," Penelope said quietly. "Mine and no one else's."

"That isn't true, Penny –"

"I skipped curfew, and it wasn't even for anything good – I was just studying with Marcy…" Penelope sighed. "It's my fault that they had to go out in the first place."

"You weren't the guy who got plastered and ran a red light," Devon said, sighing. "So stop it. Maybe, yes, you were the reason they went out, but you weren't the reason they died. Stop punishing yourself. Okay?"

She smiled sadly at him. "Easier said than done – I have many government-issued therapists, and no one's ever said that to me. They just write things down and tell me that my issues are deep-seated in the fear of horrific rejections – which is laughable, because I'm the one doing the rejecting. I just… I've felt so much guilt for so long that it's become a part of me now, Devon. The few things that are constant in my life are that Kevin was a murderer and an asshole and that I contributed a major factor in Mom and Roger getting killed."

The door to the coffee shop opened and Derek walked over, looking worried. "Baby, please tell me that's not your usual caffeine fest –"

"No, it's just caramel cider," she assured him. "How did you know we'd be here?"

"I just assumed," Derek said, smiling wanly. "This is where you go when we fight. I figured you were upset and this seemed like the most logical place to start looking for you."

Devon looked between them and said, "You really did find a keeper, Penny."

She smiled over at him and said, "I did – thanks to you."

Devon nodded and said, "I'm going to try to catch the 9:15 train back to New York. Will you call me if you find anything – anything at all?"

Penelope nodded and Derek helped her to her feet. "I will," she promised. "Give my love to everyone, okay? I… I don't know if I'll ever be ready to see them. But I do love them – I never stopped loving all of you."

"I know," Devon said. "Mr. Morgan, will you please take care of my sister?"

Derek glared at him for a moment, still suspicious, then relaxed a little. "Of course," he grunted. "I always do."

She reached up and caressed his cheek. "Yes, you do," she murmured. "Did you bring the car? I'm not sure I can waddle my way home."

They were most of the way back to the house when her water broke. "We have a small problem," Penelope sighed.


	26. Chapter 26

Part twenty-six:

Penelope heard Derek speaking softly. "There's my girl," he murmured. "Look at those pretty eyes of yours – your mommy's going to fall in love with you. She's still sleeping, sweetheart, but she'll wake up soon and be so happy to see you."

"I'm awake," Penelope mumbled, slurring a little as she blinked her eyes. Her glasses were nowhere to be found – but she remembered asking him to hold her glasses during the worst contractions. They'd been sliding off her nose from the sweat on her face. This had definitely been the worst of her birth experiences – the pain had been overwhelming and she didn't remember much after a point.

"Hey, Mama," Derek cooed softly. "You feel okay?"

"I feel like I got run over by a truck," Penelope murmured.

He sat down beside the bed, a tiny pink bundle in his arms. He slid her glasses back onto her nose with one hand. "You had a rough time," he said softly. "They ended up having to do an emergency c-section because little miss thang here got herself stuck – and your blood pressure went crazy."

"Oh," Penelope exhaled. "Is she okay?"

He smiled and leaned over. "She is perfectly all right," he said softly. "Are you up to holding her? She's been fussy unless I'm holding her."

"She's probably hungry," she murmured as he settled the baby in her arms. "She's so small –"

"But perfect," Derek said firmly.

Penelope gently traced the lines on her daughter's face and smiled. "All of my babies are perfect," she breathed. "She's beautiful, Derek – so beautiful." The baby's skin was as pale as her mother's, and her hair was coal black and fine as silk. Her mouth was a small heart shape with a perfectly defined cupid's bow and as those unfocused eyes opened, she saw that they were an unsubtly piercing blue like Fran's had been. "Oh goodness, princess," Penelope cooed softly. "Hello, darling…"

"Did we ever decide if we were going to name her Alyssa or Louise?" Derek asked with a tiny smile on her lips.

"Why not both?" Penelope whispered, pressing a kiss to the baby's forehead. "Alyssa Louise Morgan… it's strong and beautiful, just like my little girl."

"Good thinking," he said. "I should probably call Hotch and tell him we won't be in today – but it's lunchtime, so I think he's figured it out by now."

"You might call Rossi and tell him, though," she murmured, wincing as she tried to get ready to nurse. Her stitches and staples were going to be problematic, she could already tell. "So he knows that he needs to make sure the kids are fed and put to bed later and –"

"Mama Bear, everything is going to be okay," he promised, giving her a kiss. "Look at our little girl," he whispered.

"She looks like Evie did when she was born," Penelope whispered. "But she has your nose."

"I love you," Derek breathed. "So much, Baby Girl."

"I wish your Momma was here," she said sadly. "She would be so happy right now –"

"No, she'd be lecturing us about safe sex and birth control," he teased, hugging her around the shoulders. "I miss her, Pen."

"Me, too," Penelope said softly. "She would be so proud of her grandbabies."

"She would be," he agreed quietly.

She leaned against him and cried a little – happy tears and sad tears all at once. "I love you," she whispered, sniffling. "I love you both so much…"

* * *

Penelope settled into the recliner and cuddled Alyssa gently. Kitty came over and leaned on the arm of the chair, looking down at the baby. "Is she going to get big soon?" Kitty whined. "She doesn't do anything."

Rose sighed from the couch and rolled her eyes. "Kit-Kat, babies are supposed to be little," she said. "You were little like that when you were born –"

"No, Daddy said I was bigger than Lissy," Kitty said with a frown. "Why's she so little?"

Penelope laughed. "Because she is," she said softly. "Every baby is different," she said. "You were a very big baby, and Alyssa is a very small baby. But you're both perfect."

Kitty huffed. "What about Rosie?" she asked. "She gots a funny hand like Lissy –"

Penelope smiled and kissed Alyssa's little fingers like she and Derek had all the time when Rose was a baby. "That doesn't make her any less perfect – or any less Alyssa."

"Yeah, stupid," Rose said. "Just because we're got gimpy hands doesn't mean we're not cool."

"Don't call your sister stupid," Derek said firmly as he came into the living room with a smoothie for Penelope in one hand and a travel mug of coffee in the other. "Where are the terrible two?" he asked.

"They're working on their science project over at the Williams'," Penelope said. "Dave should be home from dropping them off soon. He was going to stop and get something for dinner on the way."

Alyssa yawned and snuggled into her mother's chest.

"Did she finally go to sleep, baby?" Derek asked, handing her the smoothie.

Penelope smiled and said, "Sort of – she keeps waking up. But that's okay. It's her first day home – remember when Kit-Kat came home and stayed awake the first forty-eight hours because she couldn't stand to go to sleep? She just had to know everything about everybody."

Kitty looked at her mother suspiciously. "Did I really do that?" she asked, scowling.

"You bet you did," Derek said. "You just about drove your Mom crazy."

"And all the rest of us, too," Rose said cheerfully. "But you were so cute, we didn't care much. What happened, Kit-Kat?"

"I'm cute," Kitty said, wounded.

"Not as cute as Lissy," Rose replied.

"Enough," Derek said firmly. "All you girls are cute. Just like your Mom."

"Dad, please don't," Rose groaned. "Because – ew. Gross."

Penelope chuckled and gave Derek a kiss. "Thank you, honey," she murmured, "but I think our kids are disgusted by us."

"Only when you make out in public," Rose said pointedly.

Derek laughed. "So, only all the time –"

"Yeah, pretty much," Rose replied.

"Aren't you scared you're gonna get cooties, Mommy?" Kitty asked.

Penelope laughed. "Oh, honey, I've had your Daddy's cooties for a long time," she said. "I don't mind."

"Ew, cooties," Kitty said with a frown. She sighed a little and mumbled, "Mommy, I really wanted a little brother."

"I know," Penelope murmured. "But Daddy and I couldn't help that Lissy was a little girl, sweetheart. You're just going to have to be her protector anyway – and you can teach her how to play baseball."

Kitty paused, then smiled. "Yeah," she said. "I can teach her to play ball."

"That's my girl," Penelope murmured. "Now, why don't you go with Daddy and help him clean up the yard so he can mow the lawn?"

Kitty sighed. "Mommy…"

"And then you can have a bigger slice of pie for dessert," Penelope said with a tiny smile.

Kitty sighed. "Okay, Mommy," she said in that tone of someone who's been suffering a long time. "But only because you're giving me more pie."

"She's going to be an extortionist," Derek said. "I fear when she starts dating."

Kitty scowled at him. "You're not funny, Daddy," she said coolly before she headed for the back door.

Derek gave Penelope a Look, and she dissolved into giggled. "She's definitely her Daddy's girl," she teased, giving him another kiss. "Go mow the lawn – I can handle the baby."

About ten minutes later, she heard the mower start up outside. The noise seemed to settle the baby and Penelope closed her eyes. She woke up when the phone started ringing. "Mom, it's Mrs. Strauss," Rose said quietly. "She says it's important – "

Penelope got up and got the phone from Rose's hand, then headed toward the kitchen. "Strauss, hey," she said.

"How are you and the baby?" Stauss inquired.

"She's fine – and I'm healing," Penelope said. "I assume you're calling because you've set everything up for my undercover op –"

"You'll be going to London first thing tomorrow," Strauss said. "I've arranged a nanny specifically for the baby –"

"Derek is going to kill me," Penelope sighed. "I mean, I told him it had to happen, but I thought there would be more time…"

"Time waits for no one," Strauss said gently. "And your daughter will remember you when you get home –"

Penelope sighed again. "I'm sorry… I just don't want to leave her," she said softly, looking down at Alyssa's sleeping face. "I'll just have incentive to work faster, won't I?"

"And any contact you have with your family will have to go through FBI channels," Strauss said. "Emily Prentiss will be your Interpol handler. She will meet you at Heathrow and give you your assignment upon your arrival."

"Yes, ma'am," Penelope said quietly.

* * *

"Penelope!" Emily Prentiss cried, wrapping her arms around her friend and smiling. "I'm so happy to see you – not under these circumstances, I mean, but…"

"I've missed you, too," Penelope said, hugging Emily back. "So have the kids – we'll have to fly over and see you some day. Maybe when Kitty and Alyssa are a little older…"

"Alyssa?" Emily asked.

Penelope smiled sadly. "Yeah, she's five days old today," she said. "Poor baby – I need to call and check in with the nanny later…"

"Penelope Morgan, you are too old to be having more kids," Emily scolded, laughing. "You and Morgan need to –"

"Come on, let's go get some coffee or something," Penelope said. "I'm worn out."

"Absolutely," Emily replied. "You'll be staying with Rhys and me for your protection. We've installed all of your tech things in the apartment, and, basically, you're here to plug holes."

Penelope sighed. "Remind me to resurrect Kevin so I can kill him again."

Emily smiled sadly. "You know that he was smarter than he looked, right? Setting his brother up to take the fall for him –"

"I don't want to talk about it," Penelope said coldly. "I just want a cup of coffee and a nap. And then I'm all yours."

* * *

Nine weeks was a long time in the real world; it was even longer when Penelope wanted every day to be with her family. So when the job was finally done, she was on a plane as fast as she could convince Emily to let her go. She rented a car at the airport and drove home like a bat out of hell. It was still dark and she was so glad to be home…

She checked her phone for the latest alarm code before she went into the house. Rossi was on the couch in the living room, and the other kids were all in their beds. The only ones missing were Alyssa and Derek – but she found them in the master bedroom. Alyssa was on her back in a nest of pillows, and Derek was on his side, curled protectively around the nest of pillows.

Penelope knelt down and kissed Derek gently on the cheek. "Hey," she whispered when he stirred awake. "I just got home."

"Baby Girl?" Derek mumbled sleepily.

"Yeah," she murmured. "I couldn't wait to get home and see you, Hot Stuff –"

Alyssa shifted and her little eyes opened. She yawned, then started to fuss a little. Derek immediately reached for her, but Penelope reached past him and scooped the baby up. "Hi, sweetheart," she murmured, smiling down at her. Much to Penelope's dismay, the baby looked at her and started screaming at the top of her lungs.

Derek got up and took Alyssa. "She's not used to you anymore," he said. "I'm sorry, baby –"

"No, it's okay," Penelope whispered as he walked away to change the baby and get her a bottle.

Once the baby was asleep again, he laid her into her crib and came back to their room. "Hey," he said with a smile. "I missed you –"

"She doesn't remember me," Penelope said sadly, wiping away her tears. "My little girl doesn't remember me – I've been gone so long…"

"Baby, take a deep breath," he said softly. "She'll know you soon enough – it's all right –"

"No, it's not all right," Penelope whispered. "I've paid for Kevin's sins over and over again, and now my daughter doesn't know me. I hate him – I wish I could kill him again."

"No you don't," he sighed, "because that makes you no better than him."

She sighed and leaned into his arms. "I missed you – all of you. So very much."

"I know you did, but you're home now," Derek replied with a smile. "And we should all go out as a family tonight and –"

She growled in the back of her throat and yanked him down for a hungry kiss. Their tongues tangled, hot, slick, wet, and their hands roamed over all the old familiar territory, arousing delicious need and delight. The sex was sweet, hot, and fast. "I love you so much," she breathed against his chest when they were finished. The cuddling was just as important as the fucking. She was home, and now it really felt like it.

They fell asleep entwined on top of the covers.

The door opened and someone said, "Derek, do you know where Alyssa's pacifier is?" The door opened wider and the girl gasped. "Oh my god!"

Derek woke up with a start, still stark naked as the day he was born. Penelope sat up behind him and smiled. "I assume that you're the nanny?" she said.

"Uh –"

"Pen, this is –"

Penelope said, "Oh, stuff a sock in it – I know who she is." She appraised Felicity with an intimidating stare. "Do you often wake my husband up in the morning?"

"Only if –"

"Pacifier," Derek said, grabbing it off the bedside table and tossing it at Felicity, who was still gawking at him being completely naked. "Go take care of the baby. It's your last day. Go."

As soon as the door was closed, he turned and kissed Penelope. She poked him in the chest and said, "If I find out that you did anything with her while I was gone –"

"Why would I want her?" he asked. "I've got the best, most delicious, sexy wife on the planet –"

"I was gone and you love sex," she said quietly.

"Stop being jealous and profile her – if we'd've done something naughty, she wouldn't have been so surprised to see me in the buff," he reasoned, kissing her again.

"Damn profilers," Penelope breathed, letting him take over. They kissed and touched… till someone pounded on the door.

"Daddy, get up! You're supposed to go on my field trip!" Kitty yelled. "DADDY!"

Derek groaned and pulled away. "Fuck," he sighed. "I set my alarm so I could go with them –"

"DADDY!"

"Just a minute!" Derek shouted back. He got up and rifled through the dresser, tossing a pair of panties and a long t-shirt at Penelope. He winked and got on a pair of basketball shorts and a BAU t-shirt. "I'm coming, kiddo," he said. Penelope got dressed in a hurry and was ready when he opened the door.

"You have to wear nice clothes," Kitty said curtly as she walked in. "No shorts like that, Daddy –"

"Oh, I was thinking that maybe I could wear some nice pants," Derek said with a small smile as he looked at his daughter, who was already dressed in a jean skirt and a long-sleeved t-shirt and a lace vest. Kitty's hair was sticking out every which way, and she looked like Penelope standing there with her hands on her hips. "Maybe Mommy should pick my clothes for today."

"Very funny, Daddy," Kitty said with a scowl.

Penelope came out from behind the screen and said, "I think I should – the other moms like to drool over you. Come to think of it, maybe I should go instead."

Kitty's eyes widened and she shrieked, "MOMMY! OH MY GOSH!"

Kitty bounced over the bed and vaulted into Penelope, knocking her to the floor in excitement. "Wow, I'm glad someone missed me," Penelope joked, hugging her daughter tight. She started to cry, but that was okay – Kitty was crying, too.

"I missed you," Kitty sobbed. "I love you – Mommy, are you home for good?"

"Yes, baby, I am," Penelope whispered, giving Kitty a kiss. "And I missed you, too."

"Can you and Daddy come on my trip?" Kitty asked, wide-eyed. "Please?"

"Where are we going?" Penelope asked.

"The Smithsonian," Kitty chirped.

"Absolutely," Penelope murmured, kissing Kitty again. "Now, you go and wake your brothers and sisters up. Daddy and I are going to get ready to go."

Derek raised an eyebrow as Kitty scampered off. "You're coming with?" he asked.

Penelope reached into the closet and smirked. "Can't let my husband flirt with the pretty young moms," she teased. "Besides, I've missed so much – she's grown like five inches since I left."

"You aren't even kidding," Derek said with a smile. "And there's only one woman I want to flirt with, baby – and that's you."


	27. Chapter 27

Part twenty-seven:

Penelope sighed and took off her glasses, rubbing her eyes wearily. It had been a long day – she'd had an interview with the Department of Homeland Security in the morning and then the team had been called to Oklahoma for a brutal string of murders. She was glad that Rossi was running things at the house because she didn't have the energy to go home and fight to get the kids in bed on time.

In the moments of downtime, she'd concentrated on the never-ending quest that Devon had given her. Every time she thought she just might have a lead, it had fizzled on her. And now, she was staring at the last of his known aliases, knowing that it was her last chance. She had nowhere else to go.

The phone trilled in her earpiece and she tapped the phone. "Office of omnipotent omnipotence, goddess of the all-knowing at your service," she said tersely. "How can I dazzle you?"

"Hey, Baby," Derek said softly. "I just emailed you some things if you could go over them and see if anything pops out at you."

"Murder pops out at me," she replied dryly. "How was the flight, hon?"

"It was fine," he replied. "You okay?"

"Headache," she said dismissively. "And last night's special shrimp tacos aren't agreeing with me – I've been sick all day. I almost threw up during my meeting at DHS."

"Poor baby," he murmured. "We're about to wrap it up for the night – maybe you should go home and get some rest."

"Do you know how difficult it is to sleep without my teddy bear?" she asked irritably.

Derek chuckled and said, "Are you getting pissy at me because you ran into another dead end on your side work?"

"No, I'm just tired." She slipped her glasses back on and murmured, "And I want my Chocolate Thunder."

"Woman, I am not your plaything."

She smiled for the first time all day. "Wanna make a bet?" she teased, her voice low and sultry.

"Hey, now," he rejoined in kind, "be good, Baby Girl. At least till you get home and I get to the hotel."

She laughed and replied, "Mmm, I wish you were home. I'd lick you from the top of your head to the tips of your toes – and everywhere in between. And then, I'd ride you like a cowgirl."

"Someone's feeling frisky," he chuckled.

"Someone's too tired to play," she said, stifling a yawn. "By the way, I'm on Charlie's last alias. I don't think I'm going to find him, Derek. Not even a death certificate. It's been ten months since I got back from London and every time I think I might have something, it's gone just like that."

"Penelope, I know you're frustrated," Derek said softly, "but you'll find something. You're one of the best hackers in the world, sweetheart. You will find something."

"I'm getting old and tired," she said with a sigh. "DHS is offering me a supervisory position and a huge bonus – and I won't have to be away from the kids as much."

"Are you thinking about taking it?"

"Why wouldn't I?" she asked. "It's a big fucking deal, Derek –"

"I wasn't accusing you of anything," he said. "We'll talk about it when I get home."

She snorted softly and sighed. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to bite your head off."

"Call me when you get home," he said. "Okay? Don't stay at the office playing around looking for Charlie. You've been doing that all week – and then you come home and get frisky because you're upset. Just go home and get some sleep."

"Okay, okay," Penelope finally agreed. She was too tired to argue; especially when he was right. "I love you, Hot Stuff."

"I love you, too, gorgeous mama," he replied. "Now go home."

She shut down her computers and packed her things to go home – then lost the battle with her stomach. She did not, however, feel better after emptying the contents of her belly into her trash can. If anything, the bile felt like bitterness and disgust. Fucking Rossi and his fucking shrimp tacos.

She looked at her calendar on her phone and frowned as she skipped back a couple of months… she'd skipped a couple of periods, but that wasn't unusual. She'd been going through peri-menopause since Kitty was born – which was why Alyssa had been such a shock. She'd just thought that she –

All the blood drained from her face as she realized with sudden certainty that it wasn't Rossi's tacos. She hustled out the door and stopped at the drug store on the way home – and made sure the pregnancy test was well-hidden in her bag before she went inside.

They were too old for this – they really were. Alyssa was an accident; loved to death, but an accident nonetheless. What would he say if she was pregnant again? She had a difficult enough time keeping up with their brood as it was.

She said a couple of things to Rossi, then retreated upstairs to her bedroom. She threw the lock and went to the bathroom to pee on the damn stick. Her heart was hammering in her chest the entire time she waited; she couldn't bear to call Derek and be on the phone when she found out one way or the other – she just couldn't. He would be smug and thrilled and she would be pissed that it had happened again.

Her hands were shaking when she picked up the stick and stared at it in horror. "Fuck," was all she could force herself to say. "Well, Penelope, this is what you get for marrying Derek Morgan – your own small baseball team," she said quietly to herself. "And you're stupid, you know… not using protection. Fuck."

She went back into the bedroom and sat down on the bed, head in her hands. She honestly didn't know what to do next. Telling Derek was out of the question – he would just be… smug. But she was supposed to call him back. Son of a bitch, why did everything have to be complicated?

She was about to call him when he called her. "Hey," she said quietly.

"I was getting worried – did something happen?" Derek asked anxiously.

"No," she murmured, "nothing happened. I just didn't feel well and stopped on the way home to get something for it."

"I'm sorry, Baby Girl," he said. "I wish I was there to make you feel better –"

"You've done enough already," she said, hoping it didn't sound like an accusation. "I just wanted to hear your voice. It always makes me feel better."

"Well, we're at the hotel, and I drew the long straw this time – I don't have to share with Reid or Hotch," Derek said smugly. "I get a room all to myself."

"Mmm, sounds good," she said, toeing off her shoes and kicking them aside. "I bet Reid's glad for that – though he's probably used to us having phone sex by now."

"Are you really okay, honey?" he asked. "You're awfully quiet."

"I've got a lot on my mind," she sighed. "And I'm tired."

"Have you gotten into your pajamas yet?" he asked.

"Baby, I'm not really in the mood –"

"I'm asking if you've put them on yet because I want you to get into bed, damn it."

"Don't yell at me," she sighed.

"I'm not yelling."

"It feels like it," she mumbled, yanking articles of clothing off one at a time and reaching for one of his button-downs. "Stop yelling at me."

"Baby Girl," he said with a withering sigh. "I promise you, I'm not yelling."

"Not right now," she said, "but what's going to happen to the tech who's going to fill in for me tomorrow so I can go to the doctor? Are you going to yell at them because they aren't me?" She climbed under the covers and closed her eyes, trying not to cry. "I'm sorry – I didn't mean to –"

"You don't feel well – it's okay," he tried to assure her. "Did you take your migraine pills?"

"It's not a migraine," she said. "And it's not Rossi's damn tacos, either."

"Baby?"

She sighed. "Why do men think it's endearing to call their women 'baby' like we're a bunch of delicate flowers? Why not call us by our damn names?"

"You are tired," he said mildly.

"Fucking hell, Derek, I feel like shit and you think it's funny?" she snapped. "Don't you dare sit there and smirk because I'm getting prickly. Fuck you. Just – fuck you." She terminated the call before he could even reply.

When he called back, she declined to answer. He left voicemails. She ignored them.

Rossi came upstairs and knocked on the door. "Are you okay?" he asked. "Morgan wanted me to check on you since you weren't answering the –"

"Fuck you and fuck him!" Penelope shouted. "I can take care of myself! Go to hell!"

Rossi jiggled the handle. He sighed. "Penelope – there's some wine in the fridge if you –"

"Wine is not going to solve my fucking problems," Penelope ground out. "Just… go away. And if my husband calls back, tell him that I'm asleep."

Rossi eventually retreated, leaving her to her misery. She didn't sleep much.

* * *

Of course, the doctor confirmed it – wasn't that just the way of the world? Penelope slipped back into her office and took over for the tech, waiting for the inevitable call from her husband or someone else on the team.

She was surprised when it was JJ who called. "Hey," Penelope said. "I suppose Derek is still mad at me."

"No, he's scared that you're still pissed at him," JJ said. "What did he do? Did he leave beer bottles in the garage again?"

Penelope sighed. "No – I don't want to talk about it," she said very quietly. "What do you need? I just got back into the office."

"Hotch wanted me to see if you've had a chance to cross-reference the files Derek sent you," JJ said. "That's all. What did you guys fight about?"

"I don't even remember," Penelope said honestly. "But he was yelling at me and I wasn't feeling well and… yeah. Will you tell him that I'm sorry? I was too tired and I don't even know what happened. Everything just got away from me."

"I think he already knows you're sorry," JJ said. "You should call him, though."

Penelope sighed. "If I call him, we're just going to start fighting again."

"Really? Why?"

"Because he's not here to see my face and realize that I'm not… I'm not meaning what I'm saying," Penelope said, beginning to patch in the files. "I just – JJ, I need to go." She hung up before she could spill the beans. Derek deserved to be the first to know.

Almost an hour later, she was calling Derek out of habit with the results of her search. She didn't even realize that she'd done it till he picked up. "Hey, Agent Morgan," he greeted formally. "Do you have something?"

Her delight at hearing the sound of his voice deflated almost instantly. "I cross-referenced all of the data you sent and nothing hinky came up," she said in a voice that was low and strangled. "So I started with the minor connections and worked my way up to the big leagues. Your victims all lost money in the stock market recently – all in the same stocks. Different brokers, but the totals lost total in excess of a million dollars. That's it: that's all I've got." Her heart was hammering in her throat. "Derek, I –"

"I have to go," he said, cutting her off.

She swallowed hard and tried not to take it personally – he was probably in front of some pretty little detective who was flirting with him. She knew he had a habit of taking off his wedding band when the team was on the road, so if he had to use flirtation as an interrogation weapon, he could. But it didn't mean that she didn't hate it.

She stared at her computers for a long time before she took her earpiece off and threw it across the room. She didn't want to talk to anyone.

Two hours later, she'd tracked Charlie's last known alias all the way to a government firewall. She was stonewalled by bureaucratic nonsense. He was so close she could almost – but the witness protection program had her between a rock and a hard place.

He had testified against the leader of a cartel in Miami; and for that, he and his family had disappeared. He hadn't had anything any easier than she had for a long time – and god only knew if…

She had to make a decision. Now that she was a free woman, her hacking could actually land her in jail if she went after the wrong things. Strauss would never be able to save her in that event. But she was so close – so close –

She slammed her hand onto the table and pushed back hard. She found her earpiece and called Derek. She got his voicemail, so she sighed. "Hey, it's me," Penelope murmured. "I know I haven't exactly been… okay. I've been a bitch. I'm sorry, damn it. Just… just pick up the phone, please." She hung up, waited ten minutes, then called back.

He picked up. "I'm trying to work," was all he said.

"Derek, I –"

"I know, Penelope. We'll talk about it tonight."

"I found him," she said very quietly. "Maybe. He's in witness protection – I could find him if I break into the system, but I –"

There was silence, then a heavy sigh. "Then you have a choice to make. You have to decide which is more important – your family or someone who used to be family." His tone was cold and hard. "I have to go, Penelope. Hotch needs me."

She just sat there for a long moment listening to the dial tone. "I love you," she whispered.

* * *

Penelope got Alyssa dressed for the day and went down the hall, pounding on doors. "Up," she demanded of her children. "Don't even argue with me – get up. You're all going to be late for school and I'm going to be late for work."

"I want Dad to come home," Rose sighed.

"We don't always get what we want," Penelope said, giving Alyssa a kiss. "Come on, you, let's go get some Cheerios – num num nummy."

"Nummbly," Alyssa echoed, chewing on her fingers.

"Okay," Penelope replied, heading across the landing to the stairs. She'd taken two steps when Alyssa started squirming. Rather than drop her, she paused on the steps and adjusted her hold on the baby, but she hadn't taken but one more step when she came down wrong and her feet went right out from under her. She held Alyssa tightly as she could as they tumbled down the steps, trying to control the descent and protect the baby in her arms.

She felt the hard marble floor come up to meet her with force, and she couldn't breathe as the air was crushed out of her lungs. "Mommy!" Jess shrieked, and then there was a flurry of noise as the kids ran down the steps. Alyssa was screaming and Penelope couldn't do anything to make her stop.

"Call 911," Rossi ordered. He knelt beside her and said, "Okay, Kitten – don't try to move –"

She stared up at him but couldn't make her mouth move, or any other part of her body. He gently pried Alyssa out of her arms and checked her over for any superficial injuries. The baby calmed down almost immediately, and Penelope finally found her voice. "It's okay, Princess," she exhaled as she caught her breath again finally. "It's okay –" But whether she was saying the words to convince herself or the kids, she didn't know.

* * *

She was staring into space when he arrived in her hospital room, looking exhausted, scruffy and disheveled. "Penelope – if you wanted to stop fighting, you didn't have to throw yourself down the stairs to do it," Derek accused softly.

"Fuck off," she whispered half-heartedly. "It was a goddamn accident."

"We caught the guy –"

"I don't care," she said. "I don't care about work. I don't care, Derek. Fuck it all." She couldn't bring herself to look at him. "I… I just don't care."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he demanded angrily, slamming the door shut behind him as he came into the room. "I came as soon as I fucking could –"

She just stared at him, her mouth open slightly. "Because you're so fucking important when I fell down the stairs?" she shot back furiously. "I fell down the fucking stairs and almost broke my neck, Derek – god knows I had Alyssa in my arms and she could have died –" Her voice deserted her and she retreated back into silence and grief.

"Are you blaming me because I wasn't home?" he growled.

"No," she exhaled weakly. "I'm blaming myself. Because I was there. It's my fault that Alyssa got hurt and that I –" She couldn't even say it.

"That you what?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Penelope, damn it, what the hell are you sorry for?"

"I…" She took a deep breath, then let it out. "I was pregnant. I'm not anymore." Somehow, it hurt more saying it bluntly like that, though it was more concise than saying that she had a miscarriage. "I'm sorry, Derek." She couldn't look at him, couldn't stand to see the pity and pain in his eyes – not when she knew it was written all over her face.

It was even harder to bear when he left the room.

This wasn't something she could survive alone, but she couldn't lean on him, either – he was just going to leave her. She'd finally found the one thing that could break them apart. It was her fault they had been fighting, it was her fault that she'd lost the baby. She'd broken things and couldn't fix them.

She made up her mind right then that he was right – she had to choose.

When he came back, he looked all of his fifty-nine years… and he was hurting as much as she was. He crawled into bed with her and just held her, spooning tightly together. "I'm so sorry," she whispered over and over again.

"No, Baby," he exhaled. "I'm sorry – I didn't –"

"It was a bad miscarriage," she whispered. "They had to – and – I – there's no chance we're ever having another baby. None. I – I killed our –"

"No," Derek said firmly. "Stop it. It's not your fault."

"If you want a divorce, I understand," she said. Her voice was low and hoarse.

"Are you insane?"

"No, just – we've been fighting all the time and –"

"Never," Derek said firmly, pulling her chin and turning her neck almost painfully so she could see him. "You hear me? No matter how bad things get, I do not want a fucking divorce. Do you understand? I love you, Penelope. Damn it, yes, I'm… I'm sad right now because we lost a child, but it's not anything to want a divorce over. Hell no. If you go by yourself and try to deal with this, it's just going to tear you apart –"

"I don't want a divorce," she whispered, her voice cracking. "I don't – I love you – but…"

"But nothing," he said firmly. He kissed the back of her neck and whispered, "I love you, Penelope, and I wish you'd have told me what was wrong before it got out of hand –"

"That's my fault, too," she breathed. "I picked the fights and –"

"Shh," he whispered, holding her closer. "I'm ending the fights – all of them. Right now. I love you, Penelope, and I don't want to squabble anymore. Okay?"

She nodded and pushed back against him, glad that he was there to comfort her.


End file.
